Federal and state authorities in Atlanta and all across the southeast are today bracing for a severe outbreak of dumbshittery.
It seems that for the first time in the history of the planet there will be an ice storm in Atlanta. It's time to just close up shop and start constructing coffins. You better go home and settle your accounts with your Lord and lay down and wait for the Grim Reaper to come for you. The city has been put on "High Alert" for the possibility of 3/4 of an inch of ice to coat trees and power lines. Traffic will be snarled, flights will be cancelled, schools will be closed, dogs and cats will be sleeping in the same rooms….
Please excuse me here for a moment,
What's the big deal?
It has snowed in Atlanta before, They have had ice in Atlanta before. Flights get cancelled in and out of Atlanta all the time, I know. I have been stuck there three times in my life by spring thunderstorms and once I was trapped by snow in the Wyndham hotel. This happens EVERY YEAR or at least every few years. It's not a catastrophe. It's normal.
I can remember as a kid in growing up in Connecticut, times when we had a couple of FEET of snow overnight and the schools were closed. Dad had to use the snowblower to clean the driveway to get to work. He used to get up at 5:00 in the morning so he could get to work on time. He had snow tires on the cars and a couple hundred pounds of sand in the trunk for better traction. We had an extra fridge in the basement that was full of food and plenty of winter supplies stocked up. The generator was gassed up and waiting for the power to go out. Sometimes for days at a time. We just KNEW that the weather was going to suck in the winter back then. We were prepared for it. Why isn't anyone smart enough to do that now?
What isn't normal is the reaction by the idiots in the news media who have nothing better to do than stir up trouble in order to keep the advertising dollars flowing in. You can now get severe weather reports sent to you automatically by text and twitter messages. This is just in case you didn't know the sky was falling, or Godzilla was coming, from listening to the radio or TV news.
Why does it seem that the more technology we acquire, the stupider we become? Weather forecasts still miss the mark sometimes but every fool has an iPhone. All you have to do is get a free weather app and you will see that the weather is going to be shitty today. Should you go to work knowing there is going to be ice on the road tonight? Should you wear a coat and maybe have some winter supplies in your car like an ice scraper or brush to get the crap off your windows. Maybe snow chains are in order?
Or maybe, just maybe you should keep your stupid ass home. If you get stranded or wreck your car in "The Storm of the Century" tonight you are going to miss a couple days work anyway. Are you that damn important that the weather and world should stop for you? Should your dumbassery trump common sense? Do you have ANY common sense at all?
You are smart enough to have the latest $500.00 cell phone but you still go out in the snow and ice and not expect to get stuck or at the very least delayed?
Or should you just flush your smartphone down the toilet and try not to act like such an unprepared jerk in the first place?
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
One of our SUBS is missing?
We have Lost A Sub?
More like a whole fleet of Subs.
What the hell are you blabbing about now Chuckie? Have you gone off the deep end again?
Yes, Yes I have.
You see, your local Subway sandwich shop is going to be very different pretty soon. It's probably going to be subtle at first. It will resemble the take over of the automobile, banking and healthcare industries by our trustworthy government.
You see, Subway will soon be displaying Michelle Obama's picture in their restaurants. She promotes a "healthy diet" and therefore it seemed like a good idea to Subway's management hacks to have her as a spokesperson. So soon when you are going in for a nice lunch you will get to see her nasty mug staring down at you while you eat.
Boycotts are being organized already and some local franchises will be hurt. Wouldn't it suck to be the businessman who invested tens of thousands of dollars into opening and running a Subway store only to have the corporate office require you to put Mrs. Obama's picture in your store? Especially when you know that it will hurt your sales and reputation. With so many other Sub shops opening these days it would suck to have your own parent company hang you out to dry.
Don't get me wrong here, I LIKE Subway. They make a pretty good sandwich and they are in places that are convenient to what I like to do. Sure, some of their national advertising campaigns suck, but, they do make a quality product and employ a lot of people who need a good first job. I just will now start looking elsewhere for my sandwich needs.
And to take things to the extreme (like I am sometimes prone to doing) Will it stop with her sponsorship? Is this a move against the fast food industry by our government to eventually control what you eat? Don't think it can happen? That's what they said about the auto industry. Remember when Chrysler was an American company? Sure young boys didn't have a poster of a Passat on their wall growing up, but NOBODY had a graphic of a Fiat on their wall either!
The point is, New York City already has laws about soft drink size and other silly nutritional regulations that impinge your choices as an American. Some high schools only have vending machines with "healthy" products in them. Don't even get me started on those fools in California who have more silly laws on the books than you can imagine.
Will the IRS soon be in control of the nutritional laws and what you chose to eat in coming years?
No one thought the IRS would be in charge of your health insurance either.
Remember where you heard it first.
Bon Appetit!
More like a whole fleet of Subs.
What the hell are you blabbing about now Chuckie? Have you gone off the deep end again?
Yes, Yes I have.
You see, your local Subway sandwich shop is going to be very different pretty soon. It's probably going to be subtle at first. It will resemble the take over of the automobile, banking and healthcare industries by our trustworthy government.
You see, Subway will soon be displaying Michelle Obama's picture in their restaurants. She promotes a "healthy diet" and therefore it seemed like a good idea to Subway's management hacks to have her as a spokesperson. So soon when you are going in for a nice lunch you will get to see her nasty mug staring down at you while you eat.
Boycotts are being organized already and some local franchises will be hurt. Wouldn't it suck to be the businessman who invested tens of thousands of dollars into opening and running a Subway store only to have the corporate office require you to put Mrs. Obama's picture in your store? Especially when you know that it will hurt your sales and reputation. With so many other Sub shops opening these days it would suck to have your own parent company hang you out to dry.
Don't get me wrong here, I LIKE Subway. They make a pretty good sandwich and they are in places that are convenient to what I like to do. Sure, some of their national advertising campaigns suck, but, they do make a quality product and employ a lot of people who need a good first job. I just will now start looking elsewhere for my sandwich needs.
And to take things to the extreme (like I am sometimes prone to doing) Will it stop with her sponsorship? Is this a move against the fast food industry by our government to eventually control what you eat? Don't think it can happen? That's what they said about the auto industry. Remember when Chrysler was an American company? Sure young boys didn't have a poster of a Passat on their wall growing up, but NOBODY had a graphic of a Fiat on their wall either!
The point is, New York City already has laws about soft drink size and other silly nutritional regulations that impinge your choices as an American. Some high schools only have vending machines with "healthy" products in them. Don't even get me started on those fools in California who have more silly laws on the books than you can imagine.
Will the IRS soon be in control of the nutritional laws and what you chose to eat in coming years?
No one thought the IRS would be in charge of your health insurance either.
Remember where you heard it first.
Bon Appetit!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I Wonder Why...
Why is it that there are no women in the Viagra television commercials?
Every other advertisement on TV for "Boner Pills" has above average to outrageously beautiful women in them. Sure at the end of the Cialis ads the amorous couple are in separate bathtubs, but the point is clear. Take these pills and get laid by a sexy female.
Who is Viagra advertising to?
Just wondering.
Every other advertisement on TV for "Boner Pills" has above average to outrageously beautiful women in them. Sure at the end of the Cialis ads the amorous couple are in separate bathtubs, but the point is clear. Take these pills and get laid by a sexy female.
Who is Viagra advertising to?
Just wondering.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Public Service Segment....
For those of you with Direct TV satellite television service I offer the following summary.
You missed nothing on the Weather Channel today. Zip, Nada, Zilch, Zero.
The simple fact is the Weather Channel has been in decline for the last 10 years. I doubt they will be around five years from now anyway. Direct TV is just the first wound in a big, dumb, clueless animal.
Sure they have some hot chicks in tight sweaters as on camera meteorologists (OCMs) but that's about it. They are so busy showing stupid documentaries and lousy original programming that you can't seem to get a forecast out of them anymore. Every segment is sponsored by a publicity hungry company. "Weather and your Athletes Foot" sponsored by Desenex. Today's Humidity Index sponsored by Vagisil. I also have to mention my Dad's pet peeve where the OCM's all are right handed so they stand in front of the east coast and point at the map with their right hands. So where we live is covered by their borrowed clothes.
Of course it all comes down to money. The Weather Channel wants to charge Direct TV more money to carry it's programming. Direct TV said no. And I don't blame them one bit. I haven't watched the Weather Channel in the last two years. Even during Hurricane Season I can get faster and clearer information off of the internet from weather.gov. When I go to the National Weather Services web page I get the information I require instantly. Even the local amateurs do a better job nowadays. I don't have to wait for some stupid program like "Prospectors" or "Highway Through Hell". "Freaks of Nature" is another gem that they feel we would want to watch and why in God's name would anyone watch "Breaking Ice"? What kind of crap is that?
The most disturbing thing is that they are actually arguing that their removal from Direct TV could cost lives and threaten property. My Response?
Bullshit.
Maybe a few years ago that argument may have held some water. Not anymore. Even during Hurricane season with active storms approaching populated areas they show their lousy original programing. Some times they even skip their "Tropical Update" segment in favor of whatever commercial filled nonsense they are spewing at the time.
As a kid, I used to watch Aviation Weather everyday with my dad on PBS. It was all weather. Barometric pressure, fronts and severe weather with no fluff and no filler. Just two boring people giving accurate and helpful weather information. When the Weather Channel first came on line I was there and the coverage was really good. The WEATHER was the star. I had no idea who the faces were that delivered it. I got the data I wanted and none of the silly banter between nobodies. But now it's changed. The stars must have unionized or done something to get more face time and have to provide less content. Jim Cantore used to be informative and quite helpful. I suppose his humility went the way of his hair. Now he is a celebrity and hosts a half dozen time wasting segments a week. And I would rather wake up with a wet smelly stray dog than "Wake up with Al".
I have Dish TV now and if they lost the Weather Channel I wouldn't even know it. They are not even on my favorites list. In fact I don't know anyone who really watches them anymore.
Which is typical of American television these days.
Which is a terrible shame.
You missed nothing on the Weather Channel today. Zip, Nada, Zilch, Zero.
The simple fact is the Weather Channel has been in decline for the last 10 years. I doubt they will be around five years from now anyway. Direct TV is just the first wound in a big, dumb, clueless animal.
Sure they have some hot chicks in tight sweaters as on camera meteorologists (OCMs) but that's about it. They are so busy showing stupid documentaries and lousy original programming that you can't seem to get a forecast out of them anymore. Every segment is sponsored by a publicity hungry company. "Weather and your Athletes Foot" sponsored by Desenex. Today's Humidity Index sponsored by Vagisil. I also have to mention my Dad's pet peeve where the OCM's all are right handed so they stand in front of the east coast and point at the map with their right hands. So where we live is covered by their borrowed clothes.
Of course it all comes down to money. The Weather Channel wants to charge Direct TV more money to carry it's programming. Direct TV said no. And I don't blame them one bit. I haven't watched the Weather Channel in the last two years. Even during Hurricane Season I can get faster and clearer information off of the internet from weather.gov. When I go to the National Weather Services web page I get the information I require instantly. Even the local amateurs do a better job nowadays. I don't have to wait for some stupid program like "Prospectors" or "Highway Through Hell". "Freaks of Nature" is another gem that they feel we would want to watch and why in God's name would anyone watch "Breaking Ice"? What kind of crap is that?
The most disturbing thing is that they are actually arguing that their removal from Direct TV could cost lives and threaten property. My Response?
Bullshit.
Maybe a few years ago that argument may have held some water. Not anymore. Even during Hurricane season with active storms approaching populated areas they show their lousy original programing. Some times they even skip their "Tropical Update" segment in favor of whatever commercial filled nonsense they are spewing at the time.
As a kid, I used to watch Aviation Weather everyday with my dad on PBS. It was all weather. Barometric pressure, fronts and severe weather with no fluff and no filler. Just two boring people giving accurate and helpful weather information. When the Weather Channel first came on line I was there and the coverage was really good. The WEATHER was the star. I had no idea who the faces were that delivered it. I got the data I wanted and none of the silly banter between nobodies. But now it's changed. The stars must have unionized or done something to get more face time and have to provide less content. Jim Cantore used to be informative and quite helpful. I suppose his humility went the way of his hair. Now he is a celebrity and hosts a half dozen time wasting segments a week. And I would rather wake up with a wet smelly stray dog than "Wake up with Al".
I have Dish TV now and if they lost the Weather Channel I wouldn't even know it. They are not even on my favorites list. In fact I don't know anyone who really watches them anymore.
Which is typical of American television these days.
Which is a terrible shame.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Human Achievement…..
As a child of the 60's I have seen some amazing things so far in my brief stay on this planet.
Color TV, push button phones, cell phones, computers, satellite TV, the list goes on and on. My grandmother used to tell me how excited they were when they saw airplanes flying overhead. They remembered when TV was first available in black & white. In college we used to listen to old time radio shows late at night with the lights off. Lamont Cranston used to scare me silly.
This got me to thinking…..What has been the greatest human achievement of all time?
I first started by thinking that this would be a generational question. Some dipshit kid born in the 90s might say the Playstation 4 is the answer. My generation may say putting a man on the Moon. Organized religion has been mentioned as man's finest invention. I guess the fact that probably half the wars and a good deal of all the untimely human deaths since humanity has began could be blamed on religion. So that can't be it.
A good candidate might be the controversial ability of our species to genetically modify food crops to alleviate starvation. Regardless of a few uninformed idiotic activists, this might be the one I would rank highest. The development of fertilizer and maybe insecticides could be a close second. The discovery of yeast fermentation to brew beer would be a good candidate as well. The Bikini? That's gotta rank up there also.
I suppose we will never know as long as we are stuck in our current frame of reference. We can look backwards in time and see events and inventions that have changed mankind's future for those who were alive then. This requires us to move forward in time to extrapolate what we do now, or have done, that will be the defining moment in our collective human history.
According to Pierre Boulle, in 700,000 (seven hundred thousand) years, when the dominant species on Earth will be the Ape and humans will be hunted as crop destroying pests, we may be able to get an idea.
Buried deep inside a cave, high on a cliff face over looking the ocean lies the answer. It will be as shocking to you as the end of the iconic movie I am stealing this idea from.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, fearless readers of all ages. The greatest achievement of Homo sapiens sapiens is…..
Reynolds Crock Pot Liners.
And here you assumed Deep Thought was the only one who could answer the really big questions.
Your Welcome.
Color TV, push button phones, cell phones, computers, satellite TV, the list goes on and on. My grandmother used to tell me how excited they were when they saw airplanes flying overhead. They remembered when TV was first available in black & white. In college we used to listen to old time radio shows late at night with the lights off. Lamont Cranston used to scare me silly.
This got me to thinking…..What has been the greatest human achievement of all time?
I first started by thinking that this would be a generational question. Some dipshit kid born in the 90s might say the Playstation 4 is the answer. My generation may say putting a man on the Moon. Organized religion has been mentioned as man's finest invention. I guess the fact that probably half the wars and a good deal of all the untimely human deaths since humanity has began could be blamed on religion. So that can't be it.
A good candidate might be the controversial ability of our species to genetically modify food crops to alleviate starvation. Regardless of a few uninformed idiotic activists, this might be the one I would rank highest. The development of fertilizer and maybe insecticides could be a close second. The discovery of yeast fermentation to brew beer would be a good candidate as well. The Bikini? That's gotta rank up there also.
I suppose we will never know as long as we are stuck in our current frame of reference. We can look backwards in time and see events and inventions that have changed mankind's future for those who were alive then. This requires us to move forward in time to extrapolate what we do now, or have done, that will be the defining moment in our collective human history.
According to Pierre Boulle, in 700,000 (seven hundred thousand) years, when the dominant species on Earth will be the Ape and humans will be hunted as crop destroying pests, we may be able to get an idea.
Buried deep inside a cave, high on a cliff face over looking the ocean lies the answer. It will be as shocking to you as the end of the iconic movie I am stealing this idea from.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, fearless readers of all ages. The greatest achievement of Homo sapiens sapiens is…..
Reynolds Crock Pot Liners.
And here you assumed Deep Thought was the only one who could answer the really big questions.
Your Welcome.
Friday, January 3, 2014
I Don't Buy It…….
Has anyone noticed that commercials on the television are now getting dumber, racier and even more disgusting by the minute?
First we had the last election. All of those nasty attack ads have opened the floodgates for just about anything to be shown between and during our favorite programs.
One of the stupidest ads is the homeless looking, long haired, moth eaten fellow trying to sell us a phone plan from Vonage where we can get cheap telephone long distance by using our broadband internet connection as our phone service. They even say that there is no computer required. Do you know anyone with broadband computer access to their house without a computer? Who is this flea bitten dirtball who dresses so poorly and why should we listen to him? Crazy Generous? I call this crazy stupid.
How about all the gym and spa commercials? They have the same problem as all of the Caribbean resort commercials. There are no fat or ugly people in them. I would love to go to Sandals or Club Med. We can afford it too. I just would be uncomfortable around all those "Beautiful People" Show a few average folks, a couple of older folks or a few fatties and just maybe I wouldn't be so intimidated.
Those commercials are just annoying and insulting. The ones I object to the most are the downright disgusting and nauseating ones.
Order a months supply of catheters for free from Liberty Medical. The last thing I want to see or even think about is some old person sitting on the crapper shoving a plastic tube up their urethra so they can pee into a bag. I feel sorry for these people I really do, I just don't want to see one of those nasty damn things on my 60" TV while I am eating spaghetti.
And even worse, one of the TV stations here is advertising for a "Dick Doctor". He offers a solution for sufferers of Erectile Dysfunction on the local NBC affiliate. He stands there in a white lab coat telling you he has a treatment that he guarantees results while you are there in his office. So not only do I get to picture standing there in a doctors office naked trying to sport some wood, I get to wonder how he does it. Surely he doesn't have a team of Victoria's Secret nurses there to help you raise your periscope.
Actually, what he is peddling a drug called Muse. It's been around for a while. It's an intra-penile suppository that you shove down Mr. Happy and then you rub him between your hands until you get the desired effect. If you don't like that method, you can take the injections. You heard me right. You finally have scored a date with the hottest, sexiest lady you have ever seen. Dinner, an expensive show, dancing, and then back to your place for an erotic and romantic encounter. "Be there in a second darling. I just have to give myself an injection into the base of my penis." You hear a scream, the door slams and you are standing there naked, towel holder standing straight out, wondering what you are going to do for the next 4 hours. Besides the obvious of course.
This physician pays for television advertisement time during the six o'clock news (6:00) on the NBC network in a city of over a million people. It just makes me want to barf every time I see it.
You would think that such a hypersensitive society like ours would at least take a stand against some of these disgusting and offensive commercials.
I just quit buying products whose commercials offend me. I know it's not going to change anything, but at least my conscious is clear.
First we had the last election. All of those nasty attack ads have opened the floodgates for just about anything to be shown between and during our favorite programs.
One of the stupidest ads is the homeless looking, long haired, moth eaten fellow trying to sell us a phone plan from Vonage where we can get cheap telephone long distance by using our broadband internet connection as our phone service. They even say that there is no computer required. Do you know anyone with broadband computer access to their house without a computer? Who is this flea bitten dirtball who dresses so poorly and why should we listen to him? Crazy Generous? I call this crazy stupid.
How about all the gym and spa commercials? They have the same problem as all of the Caribbean resort commercials. There are no fat or ugly people in them. I would love to go to Sandals or Club Med. We can afford it too. I just would be uncomfortable around all those "Beautiful People" Show a few average folks, a couple of older folks or a few fatties and just maybe I wouldn't be so intimidated.
Those commercials are just annoying and insulting. The ones I object to the most are the downright disgusting and nauseating ones.
Order a months supply of catheters for free from Liberty Medical. The last thing I want to see or even think about is some old person sitting on the crapper shoving a plastic tube up their urethra so they can pee into a bag. I feel sorry for these people I really do, I just don't want to see one of those nasty damn things on my 60" TV while I am eating spaghetti.
And even worse, one of the TV stations here is advertising for a "Dick Doctor". He offers a solution for sufferers of Erectile Dysfunction on the local NBC affiliate. He stands there in a white lab coat telling you he has a treatment that he guarantees results while you are there in his office. So not only do I get to picture standing there in a doctors office naked trying to sport some wood, I get to wonder how he does it. Surely he doesn't have a team of Victoria's Secret nurses there to help you raise your periscope.
Actually, what he is peddling a drug called Muse. It's been around for a while. It's an intra-penile suppository that you shove down Mr. Happy and then you rub him between your hands until you get the desired effect. If you don't like that method, you can take the injections. You heard me right. You finally have scored a date with the hottest, sexiest lady you have ever seen. Dinner, an expensive show, dancing, and then back to your place for an erotic and romantic encounter. "Be there in a second darling. I just have to give myself an injection into the base of my penis." You hear a scream, the door slams and you are standing there naked, towel holder standing straight out, wondering what you are going to do for the next 4 hours. Besides the obvious of course.
This physician pays for television advertisement time during the six o'clock news (6:00) on the NBC network in a city of over a million people. It just makes me want to barf every time I see it.
You would think that such a hypersensitive society like ours would at least take a stand against some of these disgusting and offensive commercials.
I just quit buying products whose commercials offend me. I know it's not going to change anything, but at least my conscious is clear.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
The HIGHway to Hell.....
Freddie was dying, plain and simple. The motorcycle crash left him bleeding and unconscious by the side of the road. It was a good thing he was an organ donor, but then again, who want's organs from somebody stupid enough to ride his motorcycle drunk and without a helmet? Who is to say his stupid genetic material wouldn't be transferred from his slowly dying kidneys to the lucky recipient of his donated organs? Now there's a pleasant thought.
The paramedics arrived in what seemed like hours but were only minutes in reality. They immediately initiated CPR. They intubated Freddie (inserted a tube into his windpipe so they could get Oxygen to his lungs with out them getting filled with blood and other gross shit) and started looking for a vein to start the IV. Once the IV was going and they could get life saving drugs and fluids into his system, they might, just might have a chance to save "Fast Freddie" after all.
Freddie's blood pressure was too low to find a vein. It was starting to look bad for old Freddie. The paramedic controlling the airway then went ahead and administered his meds down the tube. Translation: Some medicines can be given down the endotracheal tube into the lungs where they get absorbed directly into the blood stream. Everyone knows this is the second fastest way to get some medications into the body.
The amazing and heroic paramedics saved Freddie that day. Just another day on the job and more stories to tell the girls at the bar later that evening.
The problem here is E-Cigarettes.
You see, the same therapy that saved Freddie"s worthless life is being used now to introduce nicotine into the human body with out all the perils and carcinogenic side effects of smoking. You squirt some of this liquid drug into the electronic coffin nail and then suck on it. All of the same effects of smoking, none of the stinky clothes and hair.
Beautiful, Right?
Wrong. Deadly wrong. This is just another way to introduce a drug or poison into the blood stream. Grind up a Valium, Xanax, Oxycodone or some GHB into a powder, dissolve with water or vodka and suck it into your lungs through this tube of death. Instant high, or low depending on the substance. No needle tracks means no risk of AIDS and the ability to wear a short sleeve shirt to a restaurant.
You are already seeing specialty stores opening up all over town that specialize and encourage and profit off of "Vaping" I'll bet there are a dozen in Jacksonville already. Soon the Emergency Rooms will start to fill with patients overdosed on all sorts of shit these new age assholes will try and suck into their bodies. You will see everything from nail polish remover to prescription drugs to Drano being ingested this way. No need to mention other, more common, lovely stuff like Ecstasy, Crack Cocaine, Heroin or Methamphetamines.
They need to nip this idiotic drug delivery device in the bud and fast. If your kids are doing it you better beat the shit out of them quickly before they overdose or get raped or killed. This is one thing that needs to be made illegal as soon as possible with extremely harsh penalties.
Oh "What about Freddie"? I hear you cry?
He recovered from his injuries and was shot in the head robbing a liquor store a year later.
C'mon, I had to think of something positive to end on didn't I?
The paramedics arrived in what seemed like hours but were only minutes in reality. They immediately initiated CPR. They intubated Freddie (inserted a tube into his windpipe so they could get Oxygen to his lungs with out them getting filled with blood and other gross shit) and started looking for a vein to start the IV. Once the IV was going and they could get life saving drugs and fluids into his system, they might, just might have a chance to save "Fast Freddie" after all.
Freddie's blood pressure was too low to find a vein. It was starting to look bad for old Freddie. The paramedic controlling the airway then went ahead and administered his meds down the tube. Translation: Some medicines can be given down the endotracheal tube into the lungs where they get absorbed directly into the blood stream. Everyone knows this is the second fastest way to get some medications into the body.
The amazing and heroic paramedics saved Freddie that day. Just another day on the job and more stories to tell the girls at the bar later that evening.
The problem here is E-Cigarettes.
You see, the same therapy that saved Freddie"s worthless life is being used now to introduce nicotine into the human body with out all the perils and carcinogenic side effects of smoking. You squirt some of this liquid drug into the electronic coffin nail and then suck on it. All of the same effects of smoking, none of the stinky clothes and hair.
Beautiful, Right?
Wrong. Deadly wrong. This is just another way to introduce a drug or poison into the blood stream. Grind up a Valium, Xanax, Oxycodone or some GHB into a powder, dissolve with water or vodka and suck it into your lungs through this tube of death. Instant high, or low depending on the substance. No needle tracks means no risk of AIDS and the ability to wear a short sleeve shirt to a restaurant.
You are already seeing specialty stores opening up all over town that specialize and encourage and profit off of "Vaping" I'll bet there are a dozen in Jacksonville already. Soon the Emergency Rooms will start to fill with patients overdosed on all sorts of shit these new age assholes will try and suck into their bodies. You will see everything from nail polish remover to prescription drugs to Drano being ingested this way. No need to mention other, more common, lovely stuff like Ecstasy, Crack Cocaine, Heroin or Methamphetamines.
They need to nip this idiotic drug delivery device in the bud and fast. If your kids are doing it you better beat the shit out of them quickly before they overdose or get raped or killed. This is one thing that needs to be made illegal as soon as possible with extremely harsh penalties.
Oh "What about Freddie"? I hear you cry?
He recovered from his injuries and was shot in the head robbing a liquor store a year later.
C'mon, I had to think of something positive to end on didn't I?
Friday, November 22, 2013
Your Turkey is Cooked Now….
No one ever said in the movies.
I was at Publix yesterday shopping for my Thanksgiving dinner. This year my father is coming down from North Carolina and my Mother in Law will be joining us for the feast. You know the old turkey and dressing, cranberry mush and all the other stuff that goes along with it. A far cry from the Taco Bell I used to indulge in for Thanksgiving when I was in college.
I was thinking how Thanksgiving is such an American holiday. Regardless of your beliefs on what took place that day hundreds of years ago. Be it a slaughter of Native Americans or a hearty feast with our new native friends, the tradition has somehow endured.
This year I was thinking about shaking things up a bit. I have deep fried Turkeys for the past 20 years now. A pretty neat trick for a kid who grew up in Connecticut. I have even done a Turduckin just to see what the big deal was about. Wifey bought me a small deep fat fryer for the kitchen one year for Christmas and I have fried everything you can imagine. Be it pickles, Twinkees, Oreos, Snickers bars, I have dumped their asses in boiling hot oil! Hot dogs, chicken wings, mac & cheese, you name it, I have deep fried it.
If I don't take Wifey on a cruise this year over the December holidays to escape the madness I might try something different.
I was thinking of a Goose.
People have been eating goose for a lot longer than turkeys. Sure, some Indian assholes were gnawing on turkey legs here in America for thousands of years, but since when do they count? In Europe the big deal was the Christmas Goose. Ebeneezer Scrooge didn't throw that kid in the street a shilling to go buy the biggest turkey he could find did he? Nope it was a goose he wanted, and a damn big one.
So, resolved, a goose it is.
The only problem is finding one. Try going into Publix and picking up a goose to cook. It's impossible. I have ordered 100 pound hogs from Publix before without them batting an eye. I have even bought Octopus meat for my brother's Christmas present one year there as well. But ask about a goose and they look at you like you have been eating feral cats or wanted to skin Bambi alive.
So I guess now it's going to be me, sitting in the front yard with a case of beer, a loaf of bread and a shotgun looking to bag one of those big Canadian honkers that shits all over my sidewalk. Hopefully the Jacksonville Sheriff's office won't get all bent out of shape over me and my AK-47 Shotgun with a 20 round clip in it blasting vermin out of my front yard while stewed to the gills.
After all, it's heritage not hatred.
I'll keep you posted…..
I was at Publix yesterday shopping for my Thanksgiving dinner. This year my father is coming down from North Carolina and my Mother in Law will be joining us for the feast. You know the old turkey and dressing, cranberry mush and all the other stuff that goes along with it. A far cry from the Taco Bell I used to indulge in for Thanksgiving when I was in college.
I was thinking how Thanksgiving is such an American holiday. Regardless of your beliefs on what took place that day hundreds of years ago. Be it a slaughter of Native Americans or a hearty feast with our new native friends, the tradition has somehow endured.
This year I was thinking about shaking things up a bit. I have deep fried Turkeys for the past 20 years now. A pretty neat trick for a kid who grew up in Connecticut. I have even done a Turduckin just to see what the big deal was about. Wifey bought me a small deep fat fryer for the kitchen one year for Christmas and I have fried everything you can imagine. Be it pickles, Twinkees, Oreos, Snickers bars, I have dumped their asses in boiling hot oil! Hot dogs, chicken wings, mac & cheese, you name it, I have deep fried it.
If I don't take Wifey on a cruise this year over the December holidays to escape the madness I might try something different.
I was thinking of a Goose.
People have been eating goose for a lot longer than turkeys. Sure, some Indian assholes were gnawing on turkey legs here in America for thousands of years, but since when do they count? In Europe the big deal was the Christmas Goose. Ebeneezer Scrooge didn't throw that kid in the street a shilling to go buy the biggest turkey he could find did he? Nope it was a goose he wanted, and a damn big one.
So, resolved, a goose it is.
The only problem is finding one. Try going into Publix and picking up a goose to cook. It's impossible. I have ordered 100 pound hogs from Publix before without them batting an eye. I have even bought Octopus meat for my brother's Christmas present one year there as well. But ask about a goose and they look at you like you have been eating feral cats or wanted to skin Bambi alive.
So I guess now it's going to be me, sitting in the front yard with a case of beer, a loaf of bread and a shotgun looking to bag one of those big Canadian honkers that shits all over my sidewalk. Hopefully the Jacksonville Sheriff's office won't get all bent out of shape over me and my AK-47 Shotgun with a 20 round clip in it blasting vermin out of my front yard while stewed to the gills.
After all, it's heritage not hatred.
I'll keep you posted…..
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
The Other Shoe Dropping……
Is the sound you are hearing.
As I was sitting around thinking yesterday, I came upon a startling conclusion.
I am going to try and stop thinking because it can only get me in trouble.
Now that the government has conquered the auto industry and the banking industry, What's next? The insurance companies have already lost the ability to sell you private health insurance. Your personal health insurance will now be handled by the government, why not your auto insurance?
The government has already made it mandatory for you to carry a personal healthcare policy or you will get fined on your taxes. There already are state laws and some federal laws that require you to have auto insurance policies if you own a vehicle. Why not go after that market as well? They will certainly need the cash from the auto premiums to subsidize the failing Affordable Healthcare Act. The laws are already in place, your wallet open and the cash there for the taking.
And how about your life insurance premiums? Here is a way to snatch more money from retirees and most employees in the country. Complete taxation from cradle to grave. 100% monitoring of your lifestyle and activities by the government courtesy of the chip implanted in your body when you were born at the government hospital. Just like that thing Flo want's you to hook up to your car so she can see how fast you drive so she can increase your rates down the road. I'm sorry Mr. Chuckie, you went SCUBA diving last month, we are going to have to raise your policy premiums do to your risky behavior. Don't like it? Too bad. There are 14,000 (fourteen thousand) new IRS agents out there to make sure you comply.
This isn't a "Brave New World", This is the old Orwellian Nightmare coming to fruition right before our eyes.
At least if the auto insurance industry is controlled by the government they will be immune from lawsuits by pettifogging (look it up) attorneys. And then we won't have to look at those goddamn commercials from 1-800-Ask-Gary any more.
Sure that's a really small victory. It's kind of like remarking how nice the guy in the coffin looks at an open casket funeral.
Nice complexion but he's dead…..
As I was sitting around thinking yesterday, I came upon a startling conclusion.
I am going to try and stop thinking because it can only get me in trouble.
Now that the government has conquered the auto industry and the banking industry, What's next? The insurance companies have already lost the ability to sell you private health insurance. Your personal health insurance will now be handled by the government, why not your auto insurance?
The government has already made it mandatory for you to carry a personal healthcare policy or you will get fined on your taxes. There already are state laws and some federal laws that require you to have auto insurance policies if you own a vehicle. Why not go after that market as well? They will certainly need the cash from the auto premiums to subsidize the failing Affordable Healthcare Act. The laws are already in place, your wallet open and the cash there for the taking.
And how about your life insurance premiums? Here is a way to snatch more money from retirees and most employees in the country. Complete taxation from cradle to grave. 100% monitoring of your lifestyle and activities by the government courtesy of the chip implanted in your body when you were born at the government hospital. Just like that thing Flo want's you to hook up to your car so she can see how fast you drive so she can increase your rates down the road. I'm sorry Mr. Chuckie, you went SCUBA diving last month, we are going to have to raise your policy premiums do to your risky behavior. Don't like it? Too bad. There are 14,000 (fourteen thousand) new IRS agents out there to make sure you comply.
This isn't a "Brave New World", This is the old Orwellian Nightmare coming to fruition right before our eyes.
At least if the auto insurance industry is controlled by the government they will be immune from lawsuits by pettifogging (look it up) attorneys. And then we won't have to look at those goddamn commercials from 1-800-Ask-Gary any more.
Sure that's a really small victory. It's kind of like remarking how nice the guy in the coffin looks at an open casket funeral.
Nice complexion but he's dead…..
Monday, November 18, 2013
A Stomach Ache with the Beatles…..
Yesterday, Oh my dinner seemed so far away
now I fear it has come back to play
Oh what did I eat back yesterday?
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
The belly pain it has come over me
Oh Taco Bell what have you done to me?
But now I have to go
I dunno fourth time today.
I fear something's wrong as I run before I spray yea yea yea.
Yesterday, before I seemed to be A-OK
That's before I flushed my life away
at least I'll lose some weight this way
I hope this stops by my birthday.
The month of March is so far away……
Oh Yeah I, have got something
I don't think you understand
When I, use the bathroom
It smells like Pakistan!
Please don't touch my ha ha hand
Please don't touch my hand
Oh please come to see that it's for your own good
as we quarantine the whole neighborhood
Don't wanna touch my ha ha hand
Please don't touch my hand
My tummy rumbles, I go running inside
the feelings not unlike a massive landslide
landslide,
landslide
I hope you, won't catch this something
from this sick, sick man
and don't eat Burrito Grandes
or visit Pakistan.
I gotta wash my ha ha hands
Please always wash your hands
Pleas always wash you Hands hands hands hands
now I fear it has come back to play
Oh what did I eat back yesterday?
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
The belly pain it has come over me
Oh Taco Bell what have you done to me?
But now I have to go
I dunno fourth time today.
I fear something's wrong as I run before I spray yea yea yea.
Yesterday, before I seemed to be A-OK
That's before I flushed my life away
at least I'll lose some weight this way
I hope this stops by my birthday.
The month of March is so far away……
Oh Yeah I, have got something
I don't think you understand
When I, use the bathroom
It smells like Pakistan!
Please don't touch my ha ha hand
Please don't touch my hand
Oh please come to see that it's for your own good
as we quarantine the whole neighborhood
Don't wanna touch my ha ha hand
Please don't touch my hand
My tummy rumbles, I go running inside
the feelings not unlike a massive landslide
landslide,
landslide
I hope you, won't catch this something
from this sick, sick man
and don't eat Burrito Grandes
or visit Pakistan.
I gotta wash my ha ha hands
Please always wash your hands
Pleas always wash you Hands hands hands hands
Friday, November 15, 2013
BaBaBaBabyyyyyyy………….
You just ain't seen nothing yet.
The words of Randy Bachman never rang truer.
What the hell is Chuckie talking about now? I know he is always 20 minutes into the future like Max Headroom, but where is this going?
I'll tell you.
Just remember that when you are up all night, tossing and turning because I inserted another frightening thought into your skull, you asked for it.
The best fact about the Affordable Healthcare Act's numerous problems are that the President continues to say he didn't see these issues on the horizon. Does it need to be pointed out that these have been some pretty big and hairy "Glitches"? How can you sit there and say you didn't see them coming or were not made aware of them?
He has said in his half-hearted, smug and weak apology for lying to the American people yesterday, that if he had foreseen these problems they would not have released the website when they did. That's all well and good, if you buy an apology from someone who is a pathological liar. If these gargantuan problems were not foreseen or anticipated with the individual healthcare mandate can you imagine how huge a problem it would take to show up on their RADAR? Never mind the T-Rex coming down the street towards you, have you filled out your college basketball bracket yet?
Buckle up Boys and Girls. I am about to let the 900 pound starving rabid tiger out into the playground.
There is a huge portion of the affordable Healthcare Act that is so flawed and so poorly conceived that it's implementation was delayed a full year. It's the Employer Based Healthcare mandate portion of Obamacare.
You see, right now most people, productive working, tax paying Americans, get their health insurance from their employer. They pay a portion of their wages for the privilege of being covered by a group policy that their employer negotiates with an insurance company. Once the new government system goes into effect these policies will need to meet the government's new standards. Do you know what those standards are? Does anyone know? What are they going to cost? Just like the folks who started to get cancellation notices from their insurance carriers because their personal policies didn't meet the new federal guidelines, we are all potentially going to get this colonoscopy from the feds.
And the really shitty end of the stick that we will all get to hold is that where does the employer get the cash from you to pay for the insurance plan you signed up for? That's right, it comes out of your paycheck before you even see it. So the federal government is going to change the terms of the policy you will be required to buy and they hijack your paycheck to cover it. WITHOUT YOU BEING ABLE TO DO A THING ABOUT IT! If your employer doesn't want to deal with it, he simply drops the coverage from your compensation package and you have to then buy an individual policy from the government or get fined. Fined or penalized by guess who? The IRS.
Holy shit! I hear you cry! The same IRS agency who is hiring fourteen thousand (14,000) more federal agents to monitor and enforce this law.
This part of the great lie was so obvious and frightening to the President that he VIOLATED FEDERAL LAW to roll back it's implementation for a full year. That's right he broke the law. Since when does a president have the authority to change the "law of the land" with a stroke of his pen? Obamacare made it through the House and the Senate and the President signed it. It was challenged and survived the Supreme Court. Now President Obama get's to change it's parameters just to prevent business leaders in the country from complaining about it? Immediately before an important mid-term election? And soon the unions, who got this fool elected in the first place, will be wanting an exemption as well. Are you kidding me?
What other laws is this tyrant thinking about modifying unopposed?
And who is going to stop him?
Sweet Dreams.....
The words of Randy Bachman never rang truer.
What the hell is Chuckie talking about now? I know he is always 20 minutes into the future like Max Headroom, but where is this going?
I'll tell you.
Just remember that when you are up all night, tossing and turning because I inserted another frightening thought into your skull, you asked for it.
The best fact about the Affordable Healthcare Act's numerous problems are that the President continues to say he didn't see these issues on the horizon. Does it need to be pointed out that these have been some pretty big and hairy "Glitches"? How can you sit there and say you didn't see them coming or were not made aware of them?
He has said in his half-hearted, smug and weak apology for lying to the American people yesterday, that if he had foreseen these problems they would not have released the website when they did. That's all well and good, if you buy an apology from someone who is a pathological liar. If these gargantuan problems were not foreseen or anticipated with the individual healthcare mandate can you imagine how huge a problem it would take to show up on their RADAR? Never mind the T-Rex coming down the street towards you, have you filled out your college basketball bracket yet?
Buckle up Boys and Girls. I am about to let the 900 pound starving rabid tiger out into the playground.
There is a huge portion of the affordable Healthcare Act that is so flawed and so poorly conceived that it's implementation was delayed a full year. It's the Employer Based Healthcare mandate portion of Obamacare.
You see, right now most people, productive working, tax paying Americans, get their health insurance from their employer. They pay a portion of their wages for the privilege of being covered by a group policy that their employer negotiates with an insurance company. Once the new government system goes into effect these policies will need to meet the government's new standards. Do you know what those standards are? Does anyone know? What are they going to cost? Just like the folks who started to get cancellation notices from their insurance carriers because their personal policies didn't meet the new federal guidelines, we are all potentially going to get this colonoscopy from the feds.
And the really shitty end of the stick that we will all get to hold is that where does the employer get the cash from you to pay for the insurance plan you signed up for? That's right, it comes out of your paycheck before you even see it. So the federal government is going to change the terms of the policy you will be required to buy and they hijack your paycheck to cover it. WITHOUT YOU BEING ABLE TO DO A THING ABOUT IT! If your employer doesn't want to deal with it, he simply drops the coverage from your compensation package and you have to then buy an individual policy from the government or get fined. Fined or penalized by guess who? The IRS.
Holy shit! I hear you cry! The same IRS agency who is hiring fourteen thousand (14,000) more federal agents to monitor and enforce this law.
This part of the great lie was so obvious and frightening to the President that he VIOLATED FEDERAL LAW to roll back it's implementation for a full year. That's right he broke the law. Since when does a president have the authority to change the "law of the land" with a stroke of his pen? Obamacare made it through the House and the Senate and the President signed it. It was challenged and survived the Supreme Court. Now President Obama get's to change it's parameters just to prevent business leaders in the country from complaining about it? Immediately before an important mid-term election? And soon the unions, who got this fool elected in the first place, will be wanting an exemption as well. Are you kidding me?
What other laws is this tyrant thinking about modifying unopposed?
And who is going to stop him?
Sweet Dreams.....
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
All for Naught…….
It seems like only yesterday Wifey and I were on our Anniversary Trip cruising down the Blue Ridge Parkway. We were enjoying the fall colors of the trees, marveling at the wildlife we were encountering, and stunned that those asshole politicians in Washington had closed all the bathrooms on our route. Yup, those asshole DEMOCRATS shut down the government of the only remaining superpower on the planet.
Do you remember why? Of course you don't. You are an American and if it doesn't slow down your precious iPhone or interrupt your micro-brewed beer snobfest, it isn't on your RADAR.
The Republicans in the House of Representatives passed a budget that funded the entire United States government except for the Affordable Healthcare Act, otherwise known as Obamacare. The Democrats in the Senate refused that measure and the battle began.
A few days later the Republicans in the house changed their stance and sent a bill to the Senate saying that Obamacare only needed to be delayed a year because it was flawed and wouldn't work. It funded the rest of the government, just put off the mandate that individuals had to sign up for the program or pay a penalty. The Senate rejected this as well
The Senate is controlled by a majority of Democrats. And they ALL stood united against any changes to Obamacare and refused to negotiate with the Republicans on any of the measures it contained.
When the The Affordable Healthcare Act was passed into law it required everyone to sign up for an approved insurance plan by a certain date. The lying politicians promised that you could keep your own physician and you current insurance plan if you wanted to.
This pissed off some big business corporations, so rather than ruffle their feathers, the President just granted them an exemption for another year. WHICH IS ILLEGAL! The act also exempted congressmen and their staffs from having to join the program. The unions, who got Obama elected, are starting to bitch now because the lies they were told, and believed, are being exposed. They will get screwed as well. Can you guess what's going to happen next. I see another illegal presidential exemption rolling down the hill towards us.
So the final bill the Republicans sent over the the Senate funded the entire government, including Obamacare, with the only stipulation being that all citizens be covered by it's provisions. Representatives and Senators and their staff would be required to enroll also. You guessed it, The Senate rejected this idea as well. Meanwhile, the government continued to stay shut down.
Fast forward to today.
It was recently announced that Obamacare needs 37,000 (thirty seven thousand) enrollees a day for three months to make it's projected budget feasible. They had on the first day 6 (six) people sign up. At the end of the first week they had 248 (two hundred forty eight) people enrolled. The website didn't work properly, or even at all in some cases. The program is the laughing stock of the Tech world and no one knows when if ever it will be up and running properly. No wonder the administration was reluctant to release the enrollment numbers and had to be eventually sued by the Republicans to make them public.
Just as the Republicans feared and predicted.
If you could go back in time and stop Hitler from sponsoring the Holocaust, would you do it? If you could have prevented the attack on Pearl Harbor thus preventing our involvement in the Pacific war and the eventual use of atomic weapons, would you step up and do the right thing?
We have the most flawed and destructive piece of legislation being railroaded through a blind electorate since the Volstead act or the Trenton Pickle Ordinance. And we do nothing. We can see that the tunnel ahead is only painted on the side of the mountain, yet, we sill go racing full speed ahead down the tracks towards it.
The Coyote eventually learned that trick, so did Elmer Fudd.
Why haven't we?
Do you remember why? Of course you don't. You are an American and if it doesn't slow down your precious iPhone or interrupt your micro-brewed beer snobfest, it isn't on your RADAR.
The Republicans in the House of Representatives passed a budget that funded the entire United States government except for the Affordable Healthcare Act, otherwise known as Obamacare. The Democrats in the Senate refused that measure and the battle began.
A few days later the Republicans in the house changed their stance and sent a bill to the Senate saying that Obamacare only needed to be delayed a year because it was flawed and wouldn't work. It funded the rest of the government, just put off the mandate that individuals had to sign up for the program or pay a penalty. The Senate rejected this as well
The Senate is controlled by a majority of Democrats. And they ALL stood united against any changes to Obamacare and refused to negotiate with the Republicans on any of the measures it contained.
When the The Affordable Healthcare Act was passed into law it required everyone to sign up for an approved insurance plan by a certain date. The lying politicians promised that you could keep your own physician and you current insurance plan if you wanted to.
This pissed off some big business corporations, so rather than ruffle their feathers, the President just granted them an exemption for another year. WHICH IS ILLEGAL! The act also exempted congressmen and their staffs from having to join the program. The unions, who got Obama elected, are starting to bitch now because the lies they were told, and believed, are being exposed. They will get screwed as well. Can you guess what's going to happen next. I see another illegal presidential exemption rolling down the hill towards us.
So the final bill the Republicans sent over the the Senate funded the entire government, including Obamacare, with the only stipulation being that all citizens be covered by it's provisions. Representatives and Senators and their staff would be required to enroll also. You guessed it, The Senate rejected this idea as well. Meanwhile, the government continued to stay shut down.
Fast forward to today.
It was recently announced that Obamacare needs 37,000 (thirty seven thousand) enrollees a day for three months to make it's projected budget feasible. They had on the first day 6 (six) people sign up. At the end of the first week they had 248 (two hundred forty eight) people enrolled. The website didn't work properly, or even at all in some cases. The program is the laughing stock of the Tech world and no one knows when if ever it will be up and running properly. No wonder the administration was reluctant to release the enrollment numbers and had to be eventually sued by the Republicans to make them public.
Just as the Republicans feared and predicted.
If you could go back in time and stop Hitler from sponsoring the Holocaust, would you do it? If you could have prevented the attack on Pearl Harbor thus preventing our involvement in the Pacific war and the eventual use of atomic weapons, would you step up and do the right thing?
We have the most flawed and destructive piece of legislation being railroaded through a blind electorate since the Volstead act or the Trenton Pickle Ordinance. And we do nothing. We can see that the tunnel ahead is only painted on the side of the mountain, yet, we sill go racing full speed ahead down the tracks towards it.
The Coyote eventually learned that trick, so did Elmer Fudd.
Why haven't we?
Thursday, October 24, 2013
I Don't Like Spam...
A few weeks ago I sold a van on Craigslist. I did get my price for it in less than a week. I was pretty excited about how well the system worked, except for one minor problem.
It seems people have programs on their computers called "Bots" which go out and search the internet for email addresses to send porno spam to. I now get over 100 messages a day from people all over the world trying to get me to date them, buy something from them or wanting to do something to me!
He is a sample of some of the titles of the emails that hit my Spam Trap mailbox this morning:
Obamacare: Savings Start Now!
VA loan notice for astrochuckie@yahoo.com, October 24, 2013
Increase Your Sexual Desire
Your new Mortgage payment could be….
Life is short. Have an Affair!
Am I Hot Enough To Hookup With? View My Profile Pics (NSFW) ~ My Info Available
Chat with Local Singles
Burial Insurance... Have Peace of Mind
You have 4 NEW FLIRTS
Can your girlfriend do what she can? Video is not safe for work.
Date Beautiful Russian Girls
Watch this video and women will want you
Meet a Lovely Russian Woman Today
Asian Beauties for astrochuckie@yahoo.com
You have new mail from one of our super attractive members
Do you want to have more lovers?
3 questions that get all women horny
I'm at Samz Where r u?
Lonely? Want to Speed Date?
A woman on the network of CHEATERS wants to cheat
View Foreclosure Listings in Your Area
I'm looking for some No Strings Attached Fun!
Before/after photos of real people at the beach
Hook-Up with Hot Local Singles
View Photos of Black Singles Near You
A woman on the network of CHEATERS wants to cheat.
The really shitty part of this amusing distraction is that most of the emails come with an opt out button. If you no longer want to receive email from us click here. All that does is show the asshole who sent you the email that you actually opened it and read it, thought about it and decided to unsubscribe. They now KNOW you are real and open and read your mail. The avalanche of shit has only just begun! Soon the quantity of garbage in your inbox doubles or triples.
The really funny part is that anyone who knows me would realize how preposterous all this crap is! I don't need to date Russian women, I am very happy with my life, I doubt I could please two women at once, I don't need foreclosure data from anybody and I can't take Viagra and it doesn't work anyway!
If I ever win the lottery I am going to hire the the absolute best hackers I can find and turn them loose on all of these spammers. Give these bastards a taste of their own medicine for a change.
Or maybe I'll just automatically forward them all to my Buddy Joe's work email box in San Antonio for a laugh...
It seems people have programs on their computers called "Bots" which go out and search the internet for email addresses to send porno spam to. I now get over 100 messages a day from people all over the world trying to get me to date them, buy something from them or wanting to do something to me!
He is a sample of some of the titles of the emails that hit my Spam Trap mailbox this morning:
Obamacare: Savings Start Now!
VA loan notice for astrochuckie@yahoo.com, October 24, 2013
Increase Your Sexual Desire
Your new Mortgage payment could be….
Life is short. Have an Affair!
Am I Hot Enough To Hookup With? View My Profile Pics (NSFW) ~ My Info Available
Chat with Local Singles
Burial Insurance... Have Peace of Mind
You have 4 NEW FLIRTS
Can your girlfriend do what she can? Video is not safe for work.
Date Beautiful Russian Girls
Watch this video and women will want you
Meet a Lovely Russian Woman Today
Asian Beauties for astrochuckie@yahoo.com
You have new mail from one of our super attractive members
Do you want to have more lovers?
3 questions that get all women horny
I'm at Samz Where r u?
Lonely? Want to Speed Date?
A woman on the network of CHEATERS wants to cheat
View Foreclosure Listings in Your Area
I'm looking for some No Strings Attached Fun!
Before/after photos of real people at the beach
Hook-Up with Hot Local Singles
View Photos of Black Singles Near You
A woman on the network of CHEATERS wants to cheat.
The really shitty part of this amusing distraction is that most of the emails come with an opt out button. If you no longer want to receive email from us click here. All that does is show the asshole who sent you the email that you actually opened it and read it, thought about it and decided to unsubscribe. They now KNOW you are real and open and read your mail. The avalanche of shit has only just begun! Soon the quantity of garbage in your inbox doubles or triples.
The really funny part is that anyone who knows me would realize how preposterous all this crap is! I don't need to date Russian women, I am very happy with my life, I doubt I could please two women at once, I don't need foreclosure data from anybody and I can't take Viagra and it doesn't work anyway!
If I ever win the lottery I am going to hire the the absolute best hackers I can find and turn them loose on all of these spammers. Give these bastards a taste of their own medicine for a change.
Or maybe I'll just automatically forward them all to my Buddy Joe's work email box in San Antonio for a laugh...
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Newton, Is that you?
In 1980 I bought my first Apple II computer. What a cool machine that was. It had 4K of RAM and no disk drive. That was 33 years ago and now I am finally fed up with Apple's Bullshit.
I have purchased something from just about every product line Apple has ever produced. I managed a company that serviced, sold and supported Apple products. I have converted hundreds of people from die hard IBM clone users to the Apple way of thinking. I never bought an iPhone as I thought, and still think, it's absolute insanity to pay that much money for a phone. I don't play that "keep up with the Jone's" nonsense. I am not defined by the gadgets I buy. I don't care about looking cool. I'm not that shallow.
And now Apple has taken a big, steaming hot dump on my head. Thanks a lot you hip California assholes.
You see, when the iPad was first announced I was like a kid at Christmas. I had magazine pages featuring this new gizmo cut out and I carried them around in my wallet. I bored the hell out of everyone I knew with my iPad obsession. Silly behavior for a 49 year old man, but everyone's bell is rung by different things.
I finally got my new toy about 6 months after it came out. It was and is amazing…..for the moment.
It has turned out that Apple is more interested in the iPhone market and in order to keep up with all the new fancy applications that iPhone users need to out cool each other, they have had to upgrade their operating system. It's the same OS that is used on the iPad.
So therefore my iPad won't run a lot of the applications that also run on the new iPhone. When an app like Motion-X GPS Drive, the coolest and best GPS navigation program for the iPhone and iPad, upgrades to run on the new iPhone it won't run on the old iPad.
And as all the current apps I have downloaded and used for the last couple years are upgraded, some of them won't work either.
The exciting and really shitty part is, I will not know which apps work until I need them and try to open them.
That's technology for you. I understand progress, I have an original iPad and Wifey has a brand new iPad third version. Her's will run a while longer I hope. I guess it depends on when the next version of the iPhone is released for all you stupid, mindless people who have to have the newest and coolest iPhone to play Angry Birds on.
And Apple's official response when I contacted support about this? Their answer was "Sorry, there is nothing we can do for you"
So there I am, sunk with a four year old machine that is going the way of the Newton all because you people out there who have to have a new iPhone every year to out asshole your friends, or to make your kid look cooler in school than some other asshole's kids.
I hope your new iPhone irradiates your genitals so you are unable to breed and pollute the world with another generation of your shallow, inferiority complex infected spawn.
The next time you are lined up outside the Apple Store to buy another overpriced phone, I hope some one comes buy and throws a live hornets nest in the middle of your technology circle jerk.
Meanwhile the hunt for a new tablet continues.
I have purchased something from just about every product line Apple has ever produced. I managed a company that serviced, sold and supported Apple products. I have converted hundreds of people from die hard IBM clone users to the Apple way of thinking. I never bought an iPhone as I thought, and still think, it's absolute insanity to pay that much money for a phone. I don't play that "keep up with the Jone's" nonsense. I am not defined by the gadgets I buy. I don't care about looking cool. I'm not that shallow.
And now Apple has taken a big, steaming hot dump on my head. Thanks a lot you hip California assholes.
You see, when the iPad was first announced I was like a kid at Christmas. I had magazine pages featuring this new gizmo cut out and I carried them around in my wallet. I bored the hell out of everyone I knew with my iPad obsession. Silly behavior for a 49 year old man, but everyone's bell is rung by different things.
I finally got my new toy about 6 months after it came out. It was and is amazing…..for the moment.
It has turned out that Apple is more interested in the iPhone market and in order to keep up with all the new fancy applications that iPhone users need to out cool each other, they have had to upgrade their operating system. It's the same OS that is used on the iPad.
So therefore my iPad won't run a lot of the applications that also run on the new iPhone. When an app like Motion-X GPS Drive, the coolest and best GPS navigation program for the iPhone and iPad, upgrades to run on the new iPhone it won't run on the old iPad.
And as all the current apps I have downloaded and used for the last couple years are upgraded, some of them won't work either.
The exciting and really shitty part is, I will not know which apps work until I need them and try to open them.
That's technology for you. I understand progress, I have an original iPad and Wifey has a brand new iPad third version. Her's will run a while longer I hope. I guess it depends on when the next version of the iPhone is released for all you stupid, mindless people who have to have the newest and coolest iPhone to play Angry Birds on.
And Apple's official response when I contacted support about this? Their answer was "Sorry, there is nothing we can do for you"
So there I am, sunk with a four year old machine that is going the way of the Newton all because you people out there who have to have a new iPhone every year to out asshole your friends, or to make your kid look cooler in school than some other asshole's kids.
I hope your new iPhone irradiates your genitals so you are unable to breed and pollute the world with another generation of your shallow, inferiority complex infected spawn.
The next time you are lined up outside the Apple Store to buy another overpriced phone, I hope some one comes buy and throws a live hornets nest in the middle of your technology circle jerk.
Meanwhile the hunt for a new tablet continues.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Tastes like Chicken$&^# to me….
This week the government of the world's remaining superpower was brought to a screeching halt because some of our elected officials couldn't pull their heads out of their asses long enough to take a breath.
It seems that the Republicans are pushing this effort to punish the population for an unpopular law they passed a few years ago that is going to bankrupt the country pretty soon. The Democrats want the law to go through so that every uninformed, indigent, unemployed and unwed mother will keep voting for them.
The result is that my anniversary trip next week down the Blue Ridge Parkway is going to get all fucked up. The Blue Ridge Parkway is a National Park. All of the National Parks are being closed because those assholes in Washington can't make their minds up and pass a simple bill. Simple bill my ass, it's just the continuing resolution to fund the bankrupt government is all.
So the parks are closed, some old war veterans can't get to see the memorial placed in their honor in the nation's capital, and the Panda Cam has been shut down.
Now just a God Damn minute here, The Panda Cam has been shut down?
You heard me right, That was the lead story on 6:00 news here in Jacksonville Florida, a city of over a million people. All they could find in the entire world that they felt was worthy of a minute and a half (eternity) of prime time television news was the Panda Cam's closure. They even interviewed people in the street for God's sake.
I couldn't give a shit about the Panda Bear. Sure they are cute, I saw a couple of them at the SanDiego Zoo a few years ago. There were people standing there weeping and climaxing all over the place looking at an animal that is to dumb to survive on it's own in the wilderness. Even when put on the endangered species list these creatures can't survive. They are pretty much too stupid to fuck or they roll over and squish their babies once the squirt one out after they do finally figure out how to fornicate. We even spend millions of dollars artificially impregnating them.
And I thought they tasted terrible as well. I went into Panda Express for a hearty lunch one day only to find out that they don't serve Panda meat at all. It's just the same old chicken, beef and cat and dog that all the Chinese restaurants around here serve. Maybe our silly government ought to sue them for false advertising and use the money recovered to pay off the national debt that is owed to, you guessed it, China.
And besides, how do we know the Panda Cam was photographing a real Panda anyway? Are you so sure that a government that spies on it's own people, records our cell phone calls, lies about it's own finances, kills people with drone strikes, and turns the other cheek when a President admits to having an affair and soiling an intern's dress with his Presidential Spooge, would not place an animitronic bear in a cage for a webcam? Our government pisses away a lot more of our tax dollars on far stupider ideas than this.
Maybe we should have a septic tank cam?
We could place it in the US Congress......
It seems that the Republicans are pushing this effort to punish the population for an unpopular law they passed a few years ago that is going to bankrupt the country pretty soon. The Democrats want the law to go through so that every uninformed, indigent, unemployed and unwed mother will keep voting for them.
The result is that my anniversary trip next week down the Blue Ridge Parkway is going to get all fucked up. The Blue Ridge Parkway is a National Park. All of the National Parks are being closed because those assholes in Washington can't make their minds up and pass a simple bill. Simple bill my ass, it's just the continuing resolution to fund the bankrupt government is all.
So the parks are closed, some old war veterans can't get to see the memorial placed in their honor in the nation's capital, and the Panda Cam has been shut down.
Now just a God Damn minute here, The Panda Cam has been shut down?
You heard me right, That was the lead story on 6:00 news here in Jacksonville Florida, a city of over a million people. All they could find in the entire world that they felt was worthy of a minute and a half (eternity) of prime time television news was the Panda Cam's closure. They even interviewed people in the street for God's sake.
I couldn't give a shit about the Panda Bear. Sure they are cute, I saw a couple of them at the SanDiego Zoo a few years ago. There were people standing there weeping and climaxing all over the place looking at an animal that is to dumb to survive on it's own in the wilderness. Even when put on the endangered species list these creatures can't survive. They are pretty much too stupid to fuck or they roll over and squish their babies once the squirt one out after they do finally figure out how to fornicate. We even spend millions of dollars artificially impregnating them.
And I thought they tasted terrible as well. I went into Panda Express for a hearty lunch one day only to find out that they don't serve Panda meat at all. It's just the same old chicken, beef and cat and dog that all the Chinese restaurants around here serve. Maybe our silly government ought to sue them for false advertising and use the money recovered to pay off the national debt that is owed to, you guessed it, China.
And besides, how do we know the Panda Cam was photographing a real Panda anyway? Are you so sure that a government that spies on it's own people, records our cell phone calls, lies about it's own finances, kills people with drone strikes, and turns the other cheek when a President admits to having an affair and soiling an intern's dress with his Presidential Spooge, would not place an animitronic bear in a cage for a webcam? Our government pisses away a lot more of our tax dollars on far stupider ideas than this.
Maybe we should have a septic tank cam?
We could place it in the US Congress......
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Timmy? Is that you?
Timmy was the kid across the street, You remember him, the cute kid who looked like Opey Taylor and was always such a terror. On Halloween, Timmy was the kid who tied toilet paper to your mailbox, He didn't knock it over with a baseball bat. He was a "Good" kid.
Timmy mowed your lawn, walked and fed your dog when you were on vacation, raked your leaves. To sum it all up, Timmy was the all American boy right down to the homemade slingshot in his back pocket.
Remember the night he had his first "Date" in the 7th grade? The school dance where his dad got all dressed up in a suit and tie and played chauffeur so they could impress the young lady Timmy was wooing. It was so much fun to stand in the driveway and watch this little man grow up in front of us.
I still remember signing his cast after he fell out of a tree and broke his arm. I remember it all.
That stupid go cart that made all that racket! The same go cart I fixed in my garage a dozen times. How could I forget the time when he carved his name in the fence out by my mailbox. It's still there. I see it every time I get the mail.
I remember the first time he started on the high school football team. We sat in the stands and froze our asses off as the kids played in the driving sleet, slipping and sliding all over the half frozen muddy field.
Off to college, an officer in his ROTC unit, an engineering degree, A new wife and a baby.
Timmy went into the army as he was deeply saddened when his country was attacked by terrorists on 911.
Yes, Timmy was an all American boy. He was our personal hero.
I wonder if he will pull the trigger?
You see, I recognize Timmy amongst the other soldiers. His red hair and freckles make him stand out. Timmy's army unit was deployed to "Keep the Peace" during the budget protests we have been having lately. All these poor people want to do is let the government know that we are tired of standing in line and spending ten dollars for a gallon for milk. With 30% unemployment can you blame us? Most of us who are protesting are older citizens who can't afford to pay for healthcare or even our rent these days. The Government has taxed us to death and we are now broken, desperate people.
Again, I wonder if Timmy will pull the trigger? Will he recognize me? He is pointing his rifle at the lady standing next to me. His stare is blank and he seems to be sort of brainwashed. This poor lady can barely stand up she is so frail.
Did our government really activate the National Guard and call the army in to suppress our peaceful demonstration. What are they afraid of? Don't they work for us?
Will Timmy really open fire on his fellow Americans, his friends and neighbors.
What has this world come to?
Timmy mowed your lawn, walked and fed your dog when you were on vacation, raked your leaves. To sum it all up, Timmy was the all American boy right down to the homemade slingshot in his back pocket.
Remember the night he had his first "Date" in the 7th grade? The school dance where his dad got all dressed up in a suit and tie and played chauffeur so they could impress the young lady Timmy was wooing. It was so much fun to stand in the driveway and watch this little man grow up in front of us.
I still remember signing his cast after he fell out of a tree and broke his arm. I remember it all.
That stupid go cart that made all that racket! The same go cart I fixed in my garage a dozen times. How could I forget the time when he carved his name in the fence out by my mailbox. It's still there. I see it every time I get the mail.
I remember the first time he started on the high school football team. We sat in the stands and froze our asses off as the kids played in the driving sleet, slipping and sliding all over the half frozen muddy field.
Off to college, an officer in his ROTC unit, an engineering degree, A new wife and a baby.
Timmy went into the army as he was deeply saddened when his country was attacked by terrorists on 911.
Yes, Timmy was an all American boy. He was our personal hero.
I wonder if he will pull the trigger?
You see, I recognize Timmy amongst the other soldiers. His red hair and freckles make him stand out. Timmy's army unit was deployed to "Keep the Peace" during the budget protests we have been having lately. All these poor people want to do is let the government know that we are tired of standing in line and spending ten dollars for a gallon for milk. With 30% unemployment can you blame us? Most of us who are protesting are older citizens who can't afford to pay for healthcare or even our rent these days. The Government has taxed us to death and we are now broken, desperate people.
Again, I wonder if Timmy will pull the trigger? Will he recognize me? He is pointing his rifle at the lady standing next to me. His stare is blank and he seems to be sort of brainwashed. This poor lady can barely stand up she is so frail.
Did our government really activate the National Guard and call the army in to suppress our peaceful demonstration. What are they afraid of? Don't they work for us?
Will Timmy really open fire on his fellow Americans, his friends and neighbors.
What has this world come to?
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Chemical Weapons……
I'm for them.
If you are going to try and kill something, what does it matter how you do it?
Raid, the pesticide, states in their commercials, "Raid, Kills Bugs Dead" That's kinda obvious isn't it? Doesn't the word "Kills " say it all.
The only reason I bring this up is because our silly president, and most of the world, is all upset with the Syrian government for using chemical weapons on the rebels in their current civil war.
I say let them use them. Let them use ALL of them.
War is an ugly and terrible thing. It's that way on purpose. War should be avoided at all costs. if you rebel against your own government, be it just or unjust, you should read the BIG print and be prepared to suffer the consequences. People will die, cities will be ravaged, someone is going to lose no matter what. What difference is there to being killed by an enemies bullet vs being gassed by the same enemy? Civilian casualties? That argument doesn't hold water as over a hundred thousand people have been killed in this conflict before chemical weapons were ever used. All either violent rebels or innocent civilians depending on who you listen to.
The ironic part, almost funny part of this whole mess is, where did such a backward ass country like Syria get these horrific weapons?
They got them from Iraq. Syria is where Saddam Hussein was hiding them.The same country who WE SOLD THEM TO in order to fight the Iran Iraq war. These are the same weapons that Saddam Hussein had when George Bush went after the Iraqis citing these weapons as the reason. All of you dumb-asses that thought there were no weapons of mass destruction and that Bush went to war just for oil and to prove how big his balls were should be eating some crow about now. That is if you have the guts and brains to admit you were wrong.
You Stupid, Stupid people. It's sad how blindly stupid you really are.
So what's gonna happen and what will happen, compared to what should happen? Of course you should ask me. I am the knower of things. Chuckie the wise. Never politically correct but usually right on target.
What is going to happen is that President Ineffective is going to fire between ten and fifty cruise missiles into Syria, at a million dollars a pop, to show the syrians that we won't stand for this sort of thing. What will happen is that nothing will be accomplished by this. The Russians and Iranians will get pissed off and oil prices will go up worldwide because there is another crisis in the Arab world. The only thing to come out of it is the president will try to save face saying at least he did something.
What should happen? For the good of the entire world, we should encourage the Syrians to use every drop of chemical weapons they have. Then they are all gone. They won't have them any more and the threat of them will disappear. If we could take President Asad out right now and let a democratic (mob rule) government take over we would be far worse off. How so? Well as in Egypt, those illiterate people would probably vote in a radical Islamic, pro Al Queida government that would support terrorism world wide. Can anyone tell me how that would be a favorable outcome. These nut case, hookah smoking, Koran thumping assholes running around now in control of these same chemical weapons? With their new governments blessing and encouragement? While we keep giving them foreign aide?
What about Israel? I hear you cry. Don't worry about them. They will be fine. They lost their faith and trust in us the moment President Ineffective was elected, as did the rest of the world. They have enhanced radiation nuclear weapons they can use. No one will seriously mess with them. Some fools will fire a few random rockets at them, but that's about all.
At least if we leave the Syrians alone and let them kill each other off they are not coming after us.
If you are going to try and kill something, what does it matter how you do it?
Raid, the pesticide, states in their commercials, "Raid, Kills Bugs Dead" That's kinda obvious isn't it? Doesn't the word "Kills " say it all.
The only reason I bring this up is because our silly president, and most of the world, is all upset with the Syrian government for using chemical weapons on the rebels in their current civil war.
I say let them use them. Let them use ALL of them.
War is an ugly and terrible thing. It's that way on purpose. War should be avoided at all costs. if you rebel against your own government, be it just or unjust, you should read the BIG print and be prepared to suffer the consequences. People will die, cities will be ravaged, someone is going to lose no matter what. What difference is there to being killed by an enemies bullet vs being gassed by the same enemy? Civilian casualties? That argument doesn't hold water as over a hundred thousand people have been killed in this conflict before chemical weapons were ever used. All either violent rebels or innocent civilians depending on who you listen to.
The ironic part, almost funny part of this whole mess is, where did such a backward ass country like Syria get these horrific weapons?
They got them from Iraq. Syria is where Saddam Hussein was hiding them.The same country who WE SOLD THEM TO in order to fight the Iran Iraq war. These are the same weapons that Saddam Hussein had when George Bush went after the Iraqis citing these weapons as the reason. All of you dumb-asses that thought there were no weapons of mass destruction and that Bush went to war just for oil and to prove how big his balls were should be eating some crow about now. That is if you have the guts and brains to admit you were wrong.
You Stupid, Stupid people. It's sad how blindly stupid you really are.
So what's gonna happen and what will happen, compared to what should happen? Of course you should ask me. I am the knower of things. Chuckie the wise. Never politically correct but usually right on target.
What is going to happen is that President Ineffective is going to fire between ten and fifty cruise missiles into Syria, at a million dollars a pop, to show the syrians that we won't stand for this sort of thing. What will happen is that nothing will be accomplished by this. The Russians and Iranians will get pissed off and oil prices will go up worldwide because there is another crisis in the Arab world. The only thing to come out of it is the president will try to save face saying at least he did something.
What should happen? For the good of the entire world, we should encourage the Syrians to use every drop of chemical weapons they have. Then they are all gone. They won't have them any more and the threat of them will disappear. If we could take President Asad out right now and let a democratic (mob rule) government take over we would be far worse off. How so? Well as in Egypt, those illiterate people would probably vote in a radical Islamic, pro Al Queida government that would support terrorism world wide. Can anyone tell me how that would be a favorable outcome. These nut case, hookah smoking, Koran thumping assholes running around now in control of these same chemical weapons? With their new governments blessing and encouragement? While we keep giving them foreign aide?
What about Israel? I hear you cry. Don't worry about them. They will be fine. They lost their faith and trust in us the moment President Ineffective was elected, as did the rest of the world. They have enhanced radiation nuclear weapons they can use. No one will seriously mess with them. Some fools will fire a few random rockets at them, but that's about all.
At least if we leave the Syrians alone and let them kill each other off they are not coming after us.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Das Update or Testicle Number Three.....
I have no idea which is more miraculous, my getting accepted into the Stem Cell Clinical Trial or the fact someone read my Blog!
And to top it all off they even asked for an update on my condition.
I am both flattered and touched, although a little confused!
I had the Stem cell injections into my left ventricle on Thursday June 27. I spent the night in the hospital on the Victoria's Secret Cardiac Care Unit and went home the next day. My Doctors and nurses were spectacular. I came home and slept for 12 hours, Both Wifey and I were exhausted.
I was tired and sore for a couple days. I had bruises in my nether region that looked like I had taken a low blow, or three, from Mike Tyson. I had a hematoma the size of a walnut in the front of my hip. it's right in the crease where your leg meets your pelvis. but I was home and feeling better.
A week later I had a follow up visit with my program coordinator. She asked me a bunch of questions and did a mini physical. I had my BP, EKG done and was pronounced fine. My cardiologist came in and felt me up. Checked my lungs and was very happy I was doing so well. I went home with another $25.00 gas card.
I have a couple hundred dollars worth of gas cards from Shell now. Since I'm not being paid for the study I get a gas card every time I go in for a check up or study related visit. Sure it sounds cheap, but you have to remember, I'm not paying for ANYTHING related to the study. So I get almost a million dollars of cutting edge (pun intended) cardiac procedures and care for free and a couple hundred dollars of diesel fuel out of it.
This Thursday will be three weeks since the procedure. I have another follow up at the four week mark which is next Thursday. I feel pretty good. The standing joke around my house regarding the hematoma is I have grown a third testicle!
Ladies and Gentlemen I give you "Testicle Number Three!" (Think of the tune "Mambo Number 5")
One , Two, Three, Hut Hut
Everybody in the room
look at Chuck's third nut!
It started one day in the old cath lab
getting stem cell treatment on a cold steel slab
A french catheter jammed in my crotch
forget the damn dilauded just bring me some Scotch, so I
don't feel what they're doing down there
in my old nether region that's now void of hair. I had
3 doctors threading shit into my heart
I wonder what they'd say if I had to fart , cause that
air biscuit might just clear the room, leave me
freezing on that slab there to face my doom.
Too much testosterone in my bod
Goddamn diabetes has killed my rod
third testicle is growing down by my hip
When I'm Man scaping hope I don't slip!
I'm just hanging out here in my bed
wondering what they're gonna say when I'm dead
he was a man with an iron heart
who died in the cath lab from a nasty old fart, and then
If I make it to the CCU I wonder what then I'm a gonna do
Hot nurses checking out my blow out patch
two inches from my nuts that they won't scratch.
Laying in this bed like a virtual hostage
Me, my three nuts and a Vienna sausage!
Too much testosterone in my bod
Goddamn diabetes has killed my rod
Stem cells a growing me another mouse
A man with three nuts is loose in the house!
I still have no idea if I received the stem cells or a saline placebo. I guess I am feeling so well due partly to the fact that the stress and anticipation of the procedure is now behind me. I should start noticing a difference in a couple months. I take a treadmill and see if my stamina is increasing. I don't really believe in the "Placebo Effect" but in my position, beggars can't be choosers.
I will keep you posted and thanks for reading.....
And to top it all off they even asked for an update on my condition.
I am both flattered and touched, although a little confused!
I had the Stem cell injections into my left ventricle on Thursday June 27. I spent the night in the hospital on the Victoria's Secret Cardiac Care Unit and went home the next day. My Doctors and nurses were spectacular. I came home and slept for 12 hours, Both Wifey and I were exhausted.
I was tired and sore for a couple days. I had bruises in my nether region that looked like I had taken a low blow, or three, from Mike Tyson. I had a hematoma the size of a walnut in the front of my hip. it's right in the crease where your leg meets your pelvis. but I was home and feeling better.
A week later I had a follow up visit with my program coordinator. She asked me a bunch of questions and did a mini physical. I had my BP, EKG done and was pronounced fine. My cardiologist came in and felt me up. Checked my lungs and was very happy I was doing so well. I went home with another $25.00 gas card.
I have a couple hundred dollars worth of gas cards from Shell now. Since I'm not being paid for the study I get a gas card every time I go in for a check up or study related visit. Sure it sounds cheap, but you have to remember, I'm not paying for ANYTHING related to the study. So I get almost a million dollars of cutting edge (pun intended) cardiac procedures and care for free and a couple hundred dollars of diesel fuel out of it.
This Thursday will be three weeks since the procedure. I have another follow up at the four week mark which is next Thursday. I feel pretty good. The standing joke around my house regarding the hematoma is I have grown a third testicle!
Ladies and Gentlemen I give you "Testicle Number Three!" (Think of the tune "Mambo Number 5")
One , Two, Three, Hut Hut
Everybody in the room
look at Chuck's third nut!
It started one day in the old cath lab
getting stem cell treatment on a cold steel slab
A french catheter jammed in my crotch
forget the damn dilauded just bring me some Scotch, so I
don't feel what they're doing down there
in my old nether region that's now void of hair. I had
3 doctors threading shit into my heart
I wonder what they'd say if I had to fart , cause that
air biscuit might just clear the room, leave me
freezing on that slab there to face my doom.
Too much testosterone in my bod
Goddamn diabetes has killed my rod
third testicle is growing down by my hip
When I'm Man scaping hope I don't slip!
I'm just hanging out here in my bed
wondering what they're gonna say when I'm dead
he was a man with an iron heart
who died in the cath lab from a nasty old fart, and then
If I make it to the CCU I wonder what then I'm a gonna do
Hot nurses checking out my blow out patch
two inches from my nuts that they won't scratch.
Laying in this bed like a virtual hostage
Me, my three nuts and a Vienna sausage!
Too much testosterone in my bod
Goddamn diabetes has killed my rod
Stem cells a growing me another mouse
A man with three nuts is loose in the house!
I still have no idea if I received the stem cells or a saline placebo. I guess I am feeling so well due partly to the fact that the stress and anticipation of the procedure is now behind me. I should start noticing a difference in a couple months. I take a treadmill and see if my stamina is increasing. I don't really believe in the "Placebo Effect" but in my position, beggars can't be choosers.
I will keep you posted and thanks for reading.....
Friday, June 28, 2013
Holes……..
Yessir, I am plumb shot through with holes.
This one here on me right arm just above me elbow is from multiple blood draws those buzzards at the lab needed for the last couple times I was in the hospital. Seems I has only got one place that they can stick me and get good clean blood from.
That one in me left arm, this sida me elbow, is from where they stuck that darned IV thingy into my vein. A "Port" they calls it. Never did give me a lot of juice through it, but they was a plenty busy squirting stuff into it when I was in that there fancy X-Ray machine while they was a poking around inside my ticker.
This here hole in me neck, now that was a strange deal there let me tell you. They took me to that there Mayo Clinic place and strapped me down and shoved a tube into my neck vein. Then they hooked me up to some kind of machine that goes "Whir….Buzz…Clank", and then stops for a few seconds and then starts a going over again. It did that for pert near 4 hours on Tuesday. "Whir….Buzz…Clank" I betcha I remember that noise forever. They took that pipe out and sent me home to relax.
Relax them fellers said: like I was a gonna relax with what they had planned for me a day later.
What I have neglected to tell you is that they wanted me to relax knowing I was a goin to get this big ass tube shoved into a vein right next to me mr. happy on that next Thursday. They strapped me in and squirted some sort of tequila like stuff in the tube in me left arm that made me all silly and shit, Next they stuck that tube right in me crotch just about an inch from me meat and potatoes. Then they snaked some sorta wire up that there tube into my ticker and started doing all sorts of un mentionable things to me. Ever time I tried to get up they just squirted more of that shit into that tube and I went back to happyland for a tad bit longer.
Next thing I knows I was being wheeled to a fancy room where some good looking nurse type women were getting me dressed for bed. Now this was more like it! (cept I still had that durned tube in me down by me mr. happy and the little woman was there as well) They hooked more wires and stuff to me and I don't know what all and gave me another tequila shot in my arm tube and I went to sleep. Somewhere in the night they gave me a pain pill of some kind. It was powerful effective at making me heave out all that nice mess of a hospital dinner I choked down at some point earlier. The next nurse gal came in and squirted some more stuff in that handy little tube to make me stop barfing and some stuff to make me stop hurting. That worked like a charm and I was back snoring in no time.
The next mooring, and I mean about an hour later, another pretty nurse lady came in and took all sorts of blood and did electric tracings of my "Heart Rhythms" (whatever the hell that means) That nurse gal yanked out all the tubes, put bandaids all over them holes they had a made. She had me sign some papers and then they plum run me off.
Sorry for all them technical terms I had to use there. They tells me this might make it so I don't kick the bucket quite so soon. I hope they are right.
My bucket has been kicked enough for a while Thank you.
This one here on me right arm just above me elbow is from multiple blood draws those buzzards at the lab needed for the last couple times I was in the hospital. Seems I has only got one place that they can stick me and get good clean blood from.
That one in me left arm, this sida me elbow, is from where they stuck that darned IV thingy into my vein. A "Port" they calls it. Never did give me a lot of juice through it, but they was a plenty busy squirting stuff into it when I was in that there fancy X-Ray machine while they was a poking around inside my ticker.
This here hole in me neck, now that was a strange deal there let me tell you. They took me to that there Mayo Clinic place and strapped me down and shoved a tube into my neck vein. Then they hooked me up to some kind of machine that goes "Whir….Buzz…Clank", and then stops for a few seconds and then starts a going over again. It did that for pert near 4 hours on Tuesday. "Whir….Buzz…Clank" I betcha I remember that noise forever. They took that pipe out and sent me home to relax.
Relax them fellers said: like I was a gonna relax with what they had planned for me a day later.
What I have neglected to tell you is that they wanted me to relax knowing I was a goin to get this big ass tube shoved into a vein right next to me mr. happy on that next Thursday. They strapped me in and squirted some sort of tequila like stuff in the tube in me left arm that made me all silly and shit, Next they stuck that tube right in me crotch just about an inch from me meat and potatoes. Then they snaked some sorta wire up that there tube into my ticker and started doing all sorts of un mentionable things to me. Ever time I tried to get up they just squirted more of that shit into that tube and I went back to happyland for a tad bit longer.
Next thing I knows I was being wheeled to a fancy room where some good looking nurse type women were getting me dressed for bed. Now this was more like it! (cept I still had that durned tube in me down by me mr. happy and the little woman was there as well) They hooked more wires and stuff to me and I don't know what all and gave me another tequila shot in my arm tube and I went to sleep. Somewhere in the night they gave me a pain pill of some kind. It was powerful effective at making me heave out all that nice mess of a hospital dinner I choked down at some point earlier. The next nurse gal came in and squirted some more stuff in that handy little tube to make me stop barfing and some stuff to make me stop hurting. That worked like a charm and I was back snoring in no time.
The next mooring, and I mean about an hour later, another pretty nurse lady came in and took all sorts of blood and did electric tracings of my "Heart Rhythms" (whatever the hell that means) That nurse gal yanked out all the tubes, put bandaids all over them holes they had a made. She had me sign some papers and then they plum run me off.
Sorry for all them technical terms I had to use there. They tells me this might make it so I don't kick the bucket quite so soon. I hope they are right.
My bucket has been kicked enough for a while Thank you.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Time Flies.........
You can't. They're to fast.
It seems like years ago I was laying in the CCU at Shands hospital and being told my only chance for survival was Experimental Cardiac Stem Cell therapy. No more bypasses, no more stents, no way I was ever going to be on the transplant list. Pretty much Stem Cells or die.
Since then I have had a couple more stents and a few angioplasties, and the results are always the same. Stem Cells are the thing. One day as I was laying in the CCU daydreaming about my nurses there, a doctor walked by doing his rounds with his entourage of baby docs. They stopped briefly by my door and he said to them "That is Dr. A's pt. There is nothing we can do for him" and they walked on by. Kinda pissed me off.
The reason I am thinking about all this stuff today is that I am scheduled for a pretty hairy heart cath/surgery next Thursday. Experimental, Clinical Trial Surgery. I have never been scheduled for one before.
Normally you would get the crushing chest pain out of the blue, fall down screaming and sweating profusely clutching your chest hoping someone was there to take you to the hospital or call 911. You lay in the bed in the Emergency Department, scared to death, in pain and having no idea what is coming next. You get hammered on the GOOD drugs so the world is spinning and you sign something. You could have joined the army as far as you knew, but the pain was lessened so you didn't give a shit.
Next thing you know you are being whisked to the cath lab and the procedure begins. It's over before you know it and you are back in you bed in CCU being restrained by the hot nurses who work there and make it all better.
The secret is that you had no warning, no choice in the matter and you were stoned out of your mind when it began. You had no time to digest what was going on, or being done to you. You were alive and happy so.
What they are doing to me is quite different. They will be injecting 10 spots inside my heart's left ventricle with either a saline placebo or CD34+ Stem Cells. I have known about it for 6 months, anticipated it for 6 months, sweated about it for 6 months, and now the time has come. If that wouldn't scare the shit out of you, I don't know what would.
And I get to think about it, I get to think about it a lot. Actually I get to hope I get the opportunity. Talk about a weird twist of events. I get to hope and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I will get the chance to have this done to me. I have a 25% chance of not being picked for the program even after all the hoops I have jumped through for the last 6 months. Being in the control group is an early death sentence. The Stem Cell therapy prolongs my time on earth.
All the while trying to maintain my suave and debonair lovable self.
Of which I probably have failed miserably at!
If I have, sorry about that. I have never been through this before. In fact, since this is such an experimental, cutting edge procedure, no one really has. I will be the first person in the NE Florida area to be in this phase of the study if I am chosen tomorrow. There are probably more heart/lung transplant patients in this area than Cardiac Stem Cell recipients.
So now the waiting begins. I will let you know what happens once I get back from tomorrow's appointment at high noon. Cross your fingers for my Randomization.
It seems like years ago I was laying in the CCU at Shands hospital and being told my only chance for survival was Experimental Cardiac Stem Cell therapy. No more bypasses, no more stents, no way I was ever going to be on the transplant list. Pretty much Stem Cells or die.
Since then I have had a couple more stents and a few angioplasties, and the results are always the same. Stem Cells are the thing. One day as I was laying in the CCU daydreaming about my nurses there, a doctor walked by doing his rounds with his entourage of baby docs. They stopped briefly by my door and he said to them "That is Dr. A's pt. There is nothing we can do for him" and they walked on by. Kinda pissed me off.
The reason I am thinking about all this stuff today is that I am scheduled for a pretty hairy heart cath/surgery next Thursday. Experimental, Clinical Trial Surgery. I have never been scheduled for one before.
Normally you would get the crushing chest pain out of the blue, fall down screaming and sweating profusely clutching your chest hoping someone was there to take you to the hospital or call 911. You lay in the bed in the Emergency Department, scared to death, in pain and having no idea what is coming next. You get hammered on the GOOD drugs so the world is spinning and you sign something. You could have joined the army as far as you knew, but the pain was lessened so you didn't give a shit.
Next thing you know you are being whisked to the cath lab and the procedure begins. It's over before you know it and you are back in you bed in CCU being restrained by the hot nurses who work there and make it all better.
The secret is that you had no warning, no choice in the matter and you were stoned out of your mind when it began. You had no time to digest what was going on, or being done to you. You were alive and happy so.
What they are doing to me is quite different. They will be injecting 10 spots inside my heart's left ventricle with either a saline placebo or CD34+ Stem Cells. I have known about it for 6 months, anticipated it for 6 months, sweated about it for 6 months, and now the time has come. If that wouldn't scare the shit out of you, I don't know what would.
And I get to think about it, I get to think about it a lot. Actually I get to hope I get the opportunity. Talk about a weird twist of events. I get to hope and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I will get the chance to have this done to me. I have a 25% chance of not being picked for the program even after all the hoops I have jumped through for the last 6 months. Being in the control group is an early death sentence. The Stem Cell therapy prolongs my time on earth.
All the while trying to maintain my suave and debonair lovable self.
Of which I probably have failed miserably at!
If I have, sorry about that. I have never been through this before. In fact, since this is such an experimental, cutting edge procedure, no one really has. I will be the first person in the NE Florida area to be in this phase of the study if I am chosen tomorrow. There are probably more heart/lung transplant patients in this area than Cardiac Stem Cell recipients.
So now the waiting begins. I will let you know what happens once I get back from tomorrow's appointment at high noon. Cross your fingers for my Randomization.
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