Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Olympic Moment:

I think I should be the director/commissioner of the next Winter Olympics.

The first thing I would do is change a few of the rules to make things just a tad more interesting for the viewing public.

Such as:

The Luge event would be done without sleds. I used to go belly-woppin head first as a kid in the snow in Connecticut. They can to.

Ice Hockey. Simple. No one is allowed to wear padding of any kind and take down the glass boards around the rink.

Ski Jumping. Make them land in a pool. Preferably filled with mayonnaise.

Curling. Make the rocks magnetic. Let the players use blow dryers.

Figure Skating. Make the men wear men’s clothing. Make everyone go barefoot. Require the women to have some form of cleavage. This means they must be older than 10 yrs of age.

All of the skiing, including that silly half pipe shit, would be in the dark. Absolutely pitch black dark of the moon stuff. The TV cameras can use night vision. Make the gates on the skiing courses out off concrete instead of those flimsy posts and flags.

Bob Sledding would be done in the dark as well without helmets.

Ice Dancing would be done naked and the audience would have high-powered water pistols filled with grape juice.

The speed skaters would all have to wear roller skates on the ice.

The bi-athletes would start at 5-minute intervals and get to shoot each other on the course. The survivor gets all three medals.

Drop the cross-country skiers off in the middle of nowhere a hundred miles from home smeared in honey to attract bears; the ones who make it back alive get medals.

Actually I have watched a lot more of the Olympics than I thought I would have. The scenery that NBC shows before and after the commercials is breathtaking in HD.

And I really do think the Curling is cool.

Whooda thunk that?