Saturday, December 13, 2008

Déjà Vu with a Twist of Lime…..

Just like the opening scene in Apocalypse Now, I was trapped in a disturbing flashback the other day. Surprising as the only acid I have ever taken is vitamin C and aspirin. The world was chilly damp and dark. Fog swirled around me and my tent in the woods. I heard the insane laughter of hundreds of intoxicated maniacs wildly acting out some animalistic ritual in the distance.

The pungent odor of incinerating swine flesh filled my nose and stung my eyes. I blinked my poor peepers as fast and as hard as I could so that I may witness the horror first hand.  My tear filled eyes focused on the vision I had feared most of all, the stuff of future nightmares.

A pig roasting on a spit surrounded by lots of cheering and drunk figures having a great time.

When I awoke, terrified and soaked in sweat, from this vision, I was alone in the dark confines of my bedroom. I was compelled by some strange force, not unlike Richard Dreyfus making towers of mud in his living room, to logon to my computer and check my email.

There it was, hiding next to the Viagra ads, wedged in under the Gevallia coffee maker spam. It is the object of my nightmares and my most magnificent obsession.

The invitation to the next generation of ChuckieFest. One of my closest (and most disturbed) friends, I will refer to him as Sir William, Is reviving the the ancient ceremony. It has been reborn as BillyFest 09. It will take place the first weekend in April. Yes, Right after my birthday.

If you would like an invitation and information sheet, just email me for it. I will send a current one right out.

And don’t say I didn’t warn you………….

I love TV Commercials......

Lately there has been this commercial on the tube that talks about how with one day of training you can SCUBA dive. With a week of training you can become a certified diver. After a month of training you can dive with sharks, dive into wrecks and caves.

The other ad says with one day of training you can parachute out of an airplane with an instructor. After a week of lessons you can jump by yourself. With a month of training you can fly the airplane.

Then the announcer comes on and says, At US Cellular it takes six weeks of training to become a customer service rep.

What this tells me?

US Cellular must hire the stupidest people on the planet to answer their telephones! Yeah, I want to spend my hard earned cash with their company!

Yes….After a couple of weeks I’m Back!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Black Hearted Fiend……..

That’s what one of my favorite computer games refers to me as. Most people prefer the sweet title of "Prince Among Men” Of course if you have read my blog entries for the last few weeks you might tend to agree with my current title.

It’s time to let you in on a little secret.

I am a softie. No one would know unless you saw me watching one of my favorite shows on TV. Extreme Makeover Home Edition is the culprit. These guys pick a family who has endured some sort of tragedy and they rebuild or completely demolish and replaces the families house. And they do an amazing job. The episode that sticks out in my mind is the family in Tennessee.

The father is a firefighter and the mom was home one night with the two kids while dad was at work protecting others. A tornado rips through and erases their house. Mom jumped on the kids to protect them in the basement. They all lived, but mom is a paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair as a result. A horrible story to be sure and I am tearing up as I type this.

These guys swoop in inside a huge RV, grab the family and send them to Disney world for a week. Then over 500 volunteers rebuild a new house for them. And I mean a palace. Every item you can imagine to help a wheelchair bound person. Electric lifts, kitchen based on wheelchair height,  plasma TV’s , hot tubs,  the whole enchilada. The family is off recovering at Disney and the work on their house goes on 24/7.

When the family comes home and sees the mansion they have been given and the love the whole community has poured out, the tears begin. If you are a cynical asshole like me and this doesn’t change or at least touch you, you should just go for a swim in the ocean and not come back.

The sponsors, Sears, Home Depot, ABC TV, and thousands of others are the real heroes. Wifey and I are looking at getting a big flat screen TV. Even if it cost $50.00 more at Sears we will buy it there. The Home Depot gets our business as well.

Watch an episode. I dare you. CMT shows the re-runs and ABC does the current season.

It will change your life…..

Saturday, November 22, 2008

To Infinity and Beyond…….

The best part about the term Infinity is that it allows for everything to be possible. Sure, some things are more possible than others. I suppose they would be more probable than others. So in an infinite universe everything is possible; just highly improbable.

And for those of you who think I am just parroting Zaphod Beeblebrox, I am not. I have been developing my oddball theories of the cosmos long before I ever heard of the late great Douglas Adams.

If everything is possible then there must, by definition, be a planet in the universe made entirely of Velveeta cheese. (I can’t figure out how to make the trademark symbol on a pc. Sorry Kraft)

Of course the odds of us finding this amazing planet are extremely small. It has to exist just the same. The laws of the infinite require it. Oh sure, it may not be Velveeta. The trademark may not be used in extra galactic space, but the chemical formula would be exactly the same. And this would be a major planet, not some minor or dwarf planet as those fools at the IAU like to babble about.

It’s surface would be both smooth and creamy as any meteorites that make it to the surface would just disappear with a cool sounding  ploop. Even I cannot imagine what sort of bizarre life forms might inhabit this wonderful planet. I can see future generations of humans making interstellar voyages to this amazing planet in spaceships made of broccoli. It would probably rain picante sauce on Saturdays before football games as well. The continents might resemble deep fried tortillas or nacho chips floating over the plastic tectonic core.

I am pretty sure the inhabitants would not be a rodent based life form………

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Final Indignity……

Wifey just got back from Jacksonville where she was helping her mother through the passing of her step father. It has been a terrible week for us and I was just thinking about all the crap one has to go through when someone passes away.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot actually.

The last three funerals I have attended cost an average ten thousand dollars. ($10,000.00) It makes me sick to think that anyone would take advantage of a grieving family to make a buck. Any wonder why the guys at the funereal home smile all the time. It’s because they are getting away with grand theft and rape at the same time. Hopefully the rape statement is not factual for the family or the deceased.

When I pass, I want a simple ceremony. With a bar and a stereo playing Jimmy Buffett CDs. I want my ashes placed in two tequila bottles. We already have them both. I want half of me dumped into the Grand Canyon. The other half is more complicated.

I want my crew: Wifey, Sean and Scal-e-wag, the Old Man and the Sea, and the Galley Swab, and of course Jose from SA, to take my ashes to the Tobago Cays and scatter the rest of me there. My life insurance should more than cover my final expenses as well as the yacht rental and airfare for the group.

The Tobago Cays are the most beautiful little islands I have ever seen. They are at the bottom of the island country of St. Vincent and the Grenadines. The scene in the first Pirates of The Caribbean movie where they were stranded on the island with out any rum was filmed there. We actually visited that island. It was beyond beautiful. I tear up just thinking about it. I can't express how alive I felt there.

The last thing I would want is to be mourned over at some ultra expensive funereal home, in some ridiculously expensive casket, where they are taking advantage of my grieving Wifey and friends. Screw that. Do it cheaply and make me proud.

I know it’s a bit morbid, Just being prudent is all…………

It’s hard to be sympathetic………

It was 1983 when I went to Flint Michigan to visit one of my closest friends house. I met “Mom” and “Pops” at their modest house a few blocks from what passes as downtown for Flint.

Jim was in the navy when he and Ann got married. I met Ann at Texas Tech.  Ann was sort of the little sister of the dorm. She was a chemical engineering student down the hall from me. She was a good kid. One of those sweet but not to pretty engineering geek type girls that we all seem to know. When she introduced us to Jim, we were all thrilled. He is a hulluva great guy. They got married, had a kid and a pit-bull named Tiger Bear.

Pops was a UAW union worker at GM in Flint. He had been there for 28 years at that point. He had paid off his house and raised his kids while his wife didn’t have to work. He told me that he was making $32.00 an hour pushing his broom on the night shift at the plant. That’s thirty two dollars an hour for sweeping the floor around and under the assembly line. That’s over sixty six thousand dollars a year for pushing a broom. In 1983!

Some of the union auto workers in Michigan make between $45 and $75 dollars an hour these days. Any wonder why GM has to open factories in Mexico. Doesn’t this make it a little obvious why the foreign auto makers are kicking our asses?

And now the Detroit auto makers are looking to be bailed out because they can’t make ends meet? Are you kidding me? Those guys have been raping us for years and now we are being asked bail them out financially? 

Maybe we should let GM go bankrupt. Ford and Chrysler can go under too. Maybe the parasitic unions will die also and what re-emerges will be managed a little more intelligently.

Why would we want to that? Who am I kidding?

Thursday, November 6, 2008

“Emergency, Everybody to Get From Street”……………..

A famous quotation from the 1966 movie The Russians Are Coming the Russians Are Coming. It was a comedy back then poking fun at the cold war fears that all Americans were infected with. A Russian submarine ran aground off of New England and the local townspeople panicked.

The world is cheering because a weaker America plays into their hands. It is an opportunity for them to expand their ideals and agendas. Whatever they may be. Sure Sarah Palin has little foreign policy experience. Barack Obama has none. Repeat, None.  He can't see Russia from his backyard.

And so it begins. The reign of the 44th US President.

Yesterday the terrorist organization Hamaas launched rockets into Israel. Today President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has congratulated Barak Obama on his election win, the first time an Iranian leader has offered such wishes to a U.S. president-elect since the 1979 Islamic Revolution.

Today Russian President Dimitry Medvedev announced that Russia would be deploying short range missiles near the polish border. Medvedev also stated that the Russians will start deploying electronic jamming equipment to counter the west’s anti-missile systems that will be protecting Poland.

I heard this on the shortwave radio last night. I looked all over the net for it today. Fox News was reporting it. The networks were pretty quiet on it. CNN was showing tape of Magic Johnson saying “I cried like a baby when Obama won”’ NBC didn’t mention it at all tonight on the nightly news......... Are you kidding me!

First the Russian’s make a play for Georgia, (not Atlanta Ga. dumbass, Soviet Georgia) Now Poland. Did anyone study history in high school? Does anyone remember World War Two? The Cold War? Hello? Ground control to Major Tom?  Didn’t our parents build bomb shelters in this country when some madman placed missiles in Cuba? Anyone awake here?

But Hey it’s OK because YOU voted for Change. And you got it. We all got it. Thanks a lot.

I just hope we don’t have to pay for it with our lives…………

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

More like a Mudslide………………

Only reason I call it a mudslide is that the term “Shit Storm” is probably not politically correct. Standing on my porch I can see the shit storm building on the horizon. No one is going to escape. It’s just the level of coverage you are going to be buried in.

A democrat congress. A democrat president? Are any of us going to survive?

Sure, like any fatal disease process we won’t feel a thing at first. Gradually something will seem wrong. Soon your paycheck will start to get smaller. As more and more people don’t have any money to spend on goods and services, you may even get laid off. The democrat  economic colonoscopy will burrow deeper and deeper into the working man’s….er…. pocket.

Spread the wealth? More like spread your legs. BOHICA!

The folks on food stamps down at the Piggly Wiggly in their Cadillac’s will just laugh at you as they have prevailed not unlike a cockroach after a nuclear holocaust. They were the smart ones. They worked the system that you were forced to pay for by your greedy government. Oh sure, “They” caused this mess as they have the power to vote even though they don’t contribute to the society in any way. But you let it happen. YOU sat back and watched as the sick, lame, and lazy took over this country and voted away everything you and your family have worked towards for generations.

How do we fix it? I have no idea. I’m not sure there is a fix to save the patient. The patient will survive, but will just be a shadow of himself. Not able to run in the race anymore but just sit in the stands and watch the winners and survivors claim the glory that was once his.

And all you did was vote for change.

Thanks a lot. Enjoy that bologna sandwich you are sharing with the family for Thanksgiving this year.

Nice going dumbass…………. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Eulogy for America…………

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang, but a whimper

T.S. Elliot

I have been trying to keep my political views hidden or at least neutral during this awful presidential campaign. There has been so much negative mud slinging this year that I could slap both sides and pretty much keep my true feelings hidden. Add to that thought that this whole blog is my subtle application to replace Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes.

No More.

Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and that clown Barack Hussein Obama will not have been elected President of the United States.

If my worst fears become reality, it will be time to purchase ammunition and squirrel my savings away in mason jars in the back yard. This guy wants to spread the wealth. This means to tax you and me more and give the proceeds to those who haven’t worked for it, because (in America) the homeless and non tax paying leeches can vote. The tax break for 95% of working Americans? Only 65% of working Americans pay any income taxes. Those who make less than $25,000 a year pay no income tax. They get it all back, if they file. How are we going to give them a break? Simple we write them a check.

This country’s economic problems cannot be fixed by either candidate. They are both lying to you on that fact. The difference is Obama is going to inflate government and punish the successful in order to perpetuate his legacy. Just wait until you see the laws a liberal congress and President Obama will pass. In four years this country will not resemble the America you grew up with.

The meek aren’t inheriting the earth. We are giving it away piece by piece………

Monday, November 3, 2008

The Eyes Have It………….

I went to the eye doctor with Wifey today. We drove into town and filled out the new patient paperwork. I was led to the back office where this nice young lady did a bunch of high tech tests on my eyes to check various things. I suppose I passed them as I was sent to another room to await the doctor. 

The eye doc was a nice, fairly good looking lady in her early thirties, She was sweet as can be as she dilated my eyes with the drops from hell. I read the letters on the chart. She looked deeply into my eyes, to look at my retina, and informed me my dreaded diabetes had not messed with my eyes yet. When she finished with me they brought back Wifey to do the same thing to her.

They had separated us for a reason.

Those of you who know me can just imagine me trying on bathing suits in a store or being forced to eat broccoli not smothered in four pounds of Cheese Wiz. Either event I would immensely prefer to buying new glasses.

I was now sitting in front of a woman who while being nice, was scaring the crap out of me. She handed me a pair of frames and wanted to know what options I wanted in my new glasses. To be honest, our insurance isn’t that great when it comes to bifocals. Yes, Chuckie is an old man. 

Her job was to rush me through the buying phase, the big money phase, of the doctor visit while I can’t see and am separated from my lovely and calming Wifey. So far I was into them for $10.00 for the exam and free frames if I chose to have them do the glasses. My cost to get out of there alive with a new pair of glasses? $179.00 That’s right, one hundred seventy nine dollars. That’s after the insurance paid over a hundred dollars of the bifocal up-charge. The total without insurance would have been $290.00! I grabbed Wifey and we escaped $50.00 poorer with a pair of clip on sunglasses for her and two prescriptions in hand. 

Wal-Mart would make the same glasses for me for $169.00. Damn straight Skippy! If I am going to buy five cents worth of injection molded plastic frames designed by some French faggot designer, with a couple bucks worth of CNC milled plastic lenses, well I am going to buy them from Wal-Mart and not from some huge, scary, Shrek-like man eating woman at the eye doctors office. 

I feel better now. I’ll just take my pill and go to sleep……..

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hot Under The Collar............

Global Warming is a farce. There I said it. And I actually believe it. We have been hoodwinked into the belief that we are going to make our planet uninhabitable in the near future.

The worse part of this is that these same jerks who have invented this terrible calamity are making money hand over fist. At one point these same guys were telling us we were causing a new Ice Age with our polluting ways. They made a ton of money off of that as well.

I’ve studied this problem for years. It’s the nerd in me, I can’t help it. Dad had me tracking hurricanes before I could walk. He has a weather station in his house that rivals most TV stations. He has complete weekly temperature and barometric charts for the last 48 years. From all I can see, we (human beings) are not responsible for the majority of any perceived global warming. The real culprit is the constantly changing level of solar radiation that the earth receives.

One of the founders of the Weather Channel, and former chief meteorologist for WSI, Dr. Joseph D’aleo has all the information you need on his website. 

Here are the charts which show the solar radiation levels versus global temperature and planetary CO2 levels. Buy a copy of the 2009 Old Farmers Almanac and look at the charts and graphs there. Just do something to understand this nonsense a little better.

It’s a fact that the earth’s temperature was once over a thousand degrees at the surface. Guess what? The planet survived. And there wasn’t even a washed up, failed presidential candidate around to make a buck off of it. There are more polar bears today than any time in recorded history. The Antarctic ice pack is growing. The climate swings that we see yearly are normal and are what make up the averages we all hear so much about.

Do the research, Pull your head out of the sand and spend a little time trying to understand what’s really going on. You will see that this whole farce is driven by greedy assholes who couldn’t give a flip about you or the environment. They are just laughing all the way to the bank while you “Go Green” and think you are “Saving the Planet”

A shame we can’t re-cycle them huh?

Friday, October 24, 2008

“The First Thing We Do”…………..

“Is kill all the Lawyers”     The Bard's word’s not mine, from Henry VI. It was originally meant as what was needed to be done as a prequel to a revolution. And in my opinion, one hell of a good idea.

Turn on the TV. Any channel, and you get bombarded with commercials for suck hole lawyers offering to get you out of your IRS responsibilities for a fee. “ I owed the IRS over forty eight thousand dollars. They negotiated with the IRS and I didn’t have to pay a thing” “They were going to take my business as I owed two hundred fifty thousand ($250,000.00) dollars. We settled for forty” “I was on a tread mill paying the IRS interest and penalties”…… And so it goes.


I have to pay my taxes, so do you. If I run up my credit cards because I am an asshole, why should I be able to get an attorney to get me out of my own mess? I wasn’t brought up that way. We all have to pay for the losses the retailers and merchants suffer due to this theft. That’s right theft.

If you run up your credit cards and don’t pay the bill, YOU ARE A THIEF! Again YOU ARE A THIEF!  You should be treated as a criminal. You should not be allowed to use some parasite attorney to negotiate your way out of YOUR responsibilities and your debts. If you owe the IRS for back taxes because you failed to pay them on time or at all, YOU ARE A THIEF!  Everyone who pays their taxes and lives responsibly is paying for you being a scumbag. You should be locked up or placed into a forced labor camp until your debts are repaid.

Don’t sit there and complain about or blame the global financial crisis for your own stupidity. It’s not the greedy Wall Street executives alone who have caused this crisis. It’s partially a scumbag caused problem. Pay your damn bills and don’t live beyond your means.

How simple can it be?

Monday, October 20, 2008

Ice Station Zebra Minus Rock Hudson........

As most of you know, Wifey and I live on the beach in Emerald Isle NC. We are in a little rat hole of a trailer type duplex across the street from the ocean. It’s a gross little cave we live in, but it is made better by the fact we can sit on the porch and look at the water and it’s a short walk to the beach. We often refer to it as camping at the beach as the accommodations at Hanna Park are nicer and cleaner than this dump we live in. When the wind blows it whistles right through the house. You can stick your finger between the door and the door frame when it’s closed. You can see daylight between the windows and the frames also.

Wifey and I woke up this morning and it was 47 degrees outside. The little flashing Weather Bug thingy on my Fujitsu said it was 42.

That wind slipping through the door and window frames was COLD this morning. LT was sleeping on top of Wifey’s head stealing warmth. The main heater has two settings. Off and Glass Kiln.  We have a little space heater we run most of the time in the living room portion of the cave. It does a pretty good job at keeping the place tolerable.

Our “trick” is up on the 15th of November. We then fly to Los Angeles for a week long cruise on the Carnival Pride to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. The night before the cruise we are going to stay at/on the Queen Mary hotel. How cool is that. See, It pays to stay married to Chuckie for 20 years!  When we get back we are moving into the house behind us. For those of you who have been here, it’s the gray one next to the big yellow one with the pool directly behind our back porch. It will be a lot warmer, It is cheaper than the rat hole, and is two orders of magnitude nicer. We can’t wait.

Our new spot also has three bedrooms so if anyone is inclined to come visit us here on the chilly coast you are more than welcome. We will be here until the middle on January. We hope to get back to Florida then and plan on being a whole lot warmer. We will be in Jacksonville and Okeechobee the first week of December dropping the boat at Young Billy’s and going to Old Billy’s 50th birthday celebration.

We hope to see a bunch of our friends while we are there.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I’m Hopping Mad…………..

Think twice before you zip in front of me in your matchbox sized, ethanol powered slot car. I have a huge six thousand pound truck that I would be tickled to death to squash you flat as a beer can with.

Ethanol is mostly made from corn. It is a clear, odorless, flammable liquid that can be used as an automobile fuel. It has a low BTU content so it takes a lot more of it to do the same amount of work that other fuels like gasoline or diesel fuel can do. It is very corrosive so it cannot be pumped around the country in pipelines. It has to be trucked around in tanker trucks. It is the major additive in gasoline produced in the United States. Some environmental dimwits (almost all of them) want us to use more ethanol since it’s such a green, clean fuel. A few advocate switching all motor vehicles to ethanol.


The truck that delivers the corn seed runs on diesel fuel, the farmer’s tractor runs on diesel fuel. The pumps that irrigate the fields run on electric or diesel engines. The harvesting machinery runs on diesel fuel and so does the truck that carries it to market. This doesn’t even begin to cover the power and electricity needed to make the fuel from good ole corn squeezens.

Fact: It takes two gallons of diesel fuel to make one gallon of ethanol.

So why am I so pissed off? We live with the uneducated environmental idiots intruding into our lives everywhere. What’s got Chuckie mad enough to commit vehicular homicide?

Farmers are abandoning their current crops to grow corn which has become a more lucrative product due to the popularity of the ethanol based fuels. Lettuce, tomatoes, vegetables, yams, hops, wheat, oats, the list goes on and on.

Holy Crap Batman! You heard right. Hop production in this country has dropped by 75%. The farmers in the northwest are growing corn instead of hops. A pound of hops used to cost about four dollars.($4.00) Today a pound of hops can go for over forty dollars ($40.00). The beer industry estimates a six pack of beer could cost two dollars ($2.00) more in the future.

 I think I’m going to cry.

How are we going to combat a warmer climate when we can’t afford a cold beer?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Health Insurance for the Dain Bramaged…

Thank goodness these retarded debates are over.

This election, health insurance has turned into an issue to divert you from other really important issues.

McCain wants to tax your insurance benefits you get from your employer. Each person your employer insures costs them about $1,200.00 a month. You pay a hundred or so. They are being nice to you. They want you to keep working there. So now you pay income taxes on the $13,200 as added income? But you get a $5,000.00 credit? That kinda sucks. It was a freebee before. What if you use the insurance? Do you pay taxes on the money paid to the hospital? My open heart surgery was far more than one hundred thousand dollars. Is that now taxable income? I can feel my heart starting to twitch again just thinking of that tax bill.

Obama’s plan gives you the same plan that federal employees can take advantage of. So you would pay your portion, say $100.00 a month and the government would take care of the rest. The other $13,200 per year the government picks up, just like your employer would pay. So let’s see here if 10 million people did this…. 10,000,000.times $13,200 is……Hang on. Have to do it on paper as the calculator ran out of places…..Holy crap. Did I do this right?

One hundred thirty two billion dollars…. per year. That is $132,000,000,000 for those of you who like zeros. That is more than the space shuttle cost. More than 50 of them. That money could build more than 40 aircraft carriers. Every year. We could colonize Mars and have an NFL team there for that kind of money.

But it’s OK. The government is going to pay for it!

And that’s just the insurance portion of the crap that dribbles from these politicians lips. I’ll go into the energy crisis problems of this nightmare later.

I should have watched my DVR reruns of Batman from the 1960’s rather then that moronic debate. At least the plots (and characters) are more believable!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

20 Amazing Years..............

No I'm not talking about the anniversary of the electric bread machine or the nuclear powered can opener. It is my Anniversary tomorrow. Twenty years ago at 5:00 in the afternoon, Teresa officially became Wifey. That's right, for those of you to this day that didn't know, her real name is Teresa.

Wifey has put up with more from me than anyone can imagine. Open heart surgery,  Zymurgy, Trebuchets, Flaming pig sacrifices. You name it, she put up with it. She is the reason I get up every morning, and is my "Favorite Thing".  Every night I try to tell her what I love her more than. Last night I told her I love her more than my computer, The night before it was macaroni and cheese. You get the picture. 

For all of you who have no idea why she puts up with me; join the club. I can't explain it. I just hope she is always there for me as I wouldn't be me without her.

Wifey, For twenty years of putting up with me, I owe you a Fribble........

Days of Swine and Roses………

The weather has changed. The nights are cooler and the days are warm and pleasant. On days like this my mind drifts towards the good old days.  You see, Every October I would begin the preparations for one of the strangest and most anticipated events of the year.


 My birthday is the end of March. Every year Wifey asks me what I want. I can’t ever think of anything that I need. I am happiest when surrounded by my friends. So we would throw a huge party in the woods and everyone would get together.

 Huge sometimes isn’t the word for it. At the largest party we had there were more than 300 guests with over 100 spending the weekend camping. We have had friends come in for the party from California, Texas, Michigan, North Carolina, Georgia and of course, all across Florida. The whole back end of Hanna Park would be filled up with my friends and sometimes even people I didn’t know. We would incinerate a huge 200+lb hog for 24 hours on a spit and just have a great time camping out. After eating till we couldn’t move, the movies would begin. I have an old 16mm projector and I would rent movies to show on a 16’ square screen. We have featured movies such as the 1960s classic “The Corpse Grinders” and “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” A full, exhausting weekend was assured.

 Bryan and his 40lb cast iron skillet cooking two dozen eggs at once, Pedro and his world famous hobo pies, Finn dodging trees in his tent, Billy calling the police on me for an “Alleged” cooler full of beer. George’s pride and joy Monte Carlo getting backed into. Dad getting cornered and hit on in the RV by the pretty little redneck blonde. The bikers at one end of the campsite complaining that the family with 6 kids was making to much noise, Joe explaining the meaning of life to Pedro till all hours. Gabe, Paige and all of the other kids running wild as we had the whole end of the campground to ourselves. Erk and his telescope giving free rides through the cosmos to all takers.

 Yup It was fun. Over all the seven Chuckiefests we did cost a little over ten thousand dollars to pull off. And this doesn’t even begin to cover the “Chuckiefests at Sea” I never regretted any of it for a single minute. Well, Maybe during that huge monsoon we had one year!

 And I’ll be dammed if I don’t want to do it again.

 Stay tuned………….. 

Sunday, October 12, 2008

This Damn Election.. The Winner is.......

Before I reveal who won the election I have to preface this rant. 

I was going to wait at least a day before I start posting things here. I didn't want to look like I was to anxious to save the world with my amazing insight. I just couldn't wait. Maybe it was the blood squirting from my eyes or maybe I was feeling my IQ dropping as I sit on the couch.

I was watching The Amazing Race on CBS and I cannot believe the number of annoying and pathetic political commercials I was subjected to. What a bunch of lying dipshit nonsense they spew. Obama's ads make you think that we are going to drop starving orphans from airplanes in Iraq and Afghanistan. McCain's ads make you think Obama is going to give everyone in America a couple million dollars in order to fix the economy and save the planet.  (I'll explain the economic mess later) 

He was friends with a bad guy when he was younger, He said the economy is fundamentally sound. She had her brother-in-law fired, He asked a guy in a wheel chair to stand up. Blah Blah Blah. It's like listening to hours of Charlie Brown's teacher go on and on.

If the tracking gurus are correct, more than 200,000,000 (thats two hundred million) people will have watched all the debates. That is a lot of heads being filled to the brim with lying bullshit. The only thing that makes me feel better is banging my head against a tree and chanting "It just doesn't matter, It just doesn't matter."

And the winner is........ The television industry itself.  My closest friend in the world is a TV guy. Some of you know him. It drives him crazy as well.

Sorry, Jose, I hate to bash your profession, but the candidates are spending hundreds of millions of dollars on television advertising. It comes at you from every station at every hour. Think about it, during the news broadcasts there are political advertisements. THE NEWS FOR HEAVENS SAKE!  Doesn't that make your pooper pucker a bit to think the news is brought to you and paid for by someone who is trying to influence you to vote for them? When you think is is quieting down a bit, they come up with some phony dumb ass poll data to make a boring story juicier or to create a story where there isn't one in the first place.

Yup. The election is over. The television industry won.

Which makes us ALL the losers.

And so it begins...............

Here we go. Strap in and buckle up for a roller coaster ride through the depths of my multi-track brain cavern. I have no idea where this journey will take us, but maybe with a little luck and some professional help we will make it through unscathed. I have been thinking of subjecting my thoughts and beliefs on the public for a while now. I just couldn't think of a way to do it without getting arrested on put on a list somewhere. This seems as anonymous as any other means to do it. Besides, I have looked at so many other mindless boring blogs lately that it seemed only fair that I should subject the planet to mine as well.

This first post is really just a test to see how well the system works. If  I like it I will continue with it. It seems the spell checker is able to keep up with my dyslexic keyboard gaffs so maybe there is a future to this after all.

More later. I'm going to post this and see what it looks like.