Well, as I documented a few days ago, the Zombie Apocalypse seems to be starting. I have my food ready, My defensive measures are in place, Bug Out Bag ready to go, I have my water jugs filled and sanitized, and I just bought some more condoms.
That’s right, condoms.
Now those of you who know me understand that I am a pretty brittle diabetic with a heart condition, so it’s obvious the condoms aren’t going to be used for their original purpose.
The condoms serve as emergency water containers. If you fill one up carefully it will hold almost a gallon of fresh water. Wrap this in a towel or a handkerchief and it becomes a lot tougher and harder to break. A box of 12 cost’s about $11.00. That’s a water storage vessel that weighs less than a tenth of an ounce, and holds a gallon for under a buck.
Don’t buy the fancy ones either. 25 years ago when you talked that really hot chick into coming back to your dorm room with you it was imperative to stop by the drug store and get some of those expensive lamb skin condoms. You had to make sure you brought her inside with you so A) everyone knew you were the man scoring such a hot chick, and B) She saw that you were going to spend at least $3.00 a pop on the evenings entertainment and her satisfaction. If you were extremely lucky you got out with dinner at a steak joint, a nice movie and $9.00 worth of heaven. A very good Saturday night indeed.
The less than stunning (ugly) girls got dinner at Taco Bell, a drive in movie, and the 25¢ condom that came prepackaged a dozen at a whack in a brown paper bag so no one knew what you were purchasing.
When buying them for water storage you need to make sure they aren’t loaded up with a spermicidal goo, and aren’t made of some domestic animals intestines. It is also extremely important you buy the Latex NON LUBRICATED kind!
Nothing would suck worse than being killed and eaten by a Zombie because you were sitting on a log, pants around your ankles, struggling with explosive diarrhea because you drank from a condom coated with WD-40 or what ever that slippery shit is.
And make damn sure your old college and high school conquests don’t read this!
That might even suck worse than the Zombie attack.......