Thursday, April 23, 2009

Barstool Mountain………….

I bought Wifey this really cool iPod Nano for Christmas last year. It’s blue and she loves it. Then I showed her how to download songs from the iTunes store. The other day she downloaded a really cool music video from some guy singing in Hawaii. Life is good right?

Imagine my horror when she downloaded Disco Inferno. My lovely, intelligent wife likes disco music. What’s next? Barry Manilow? I’d rather listen to Sigmund and the Sea Monsters.

 I got her back though. You see, Chuckie went to college in West Texas. I learned quickly that those Miss America class beautiful little Texas girls were brought up on country music. So I did the unthinkable. I started listening to country music. Hell, I even started drinking beer with the late night DJ from the station near the Texas Tech campus.

That’s how I met Johnny Paycheck. What a fun guy he was, He even remembered me when he came back through town every couple of months. He loved the BBQ at Stubbs and was hooked on Coors beer.

Sure he was an outlaw, hard drinking country singer. The man was a study in extremes. He could get drunk and start a bar fight in seconds. He could also wax poetical and even get a tear in his eye when he talked about how he admired Buddy Holly.

We lost Johnny on Feb 19 2003. The world will never be the same for me

I found a bunch of his music on iTunes and most of it now resides on my hard drive. Whenever I hear Wifey’s computer screeching that horrible disco music I crank up a few of Johnny’s best songs to drown her out. Barstool Mountain, Georgia in a Jug, Take this Job and Shove it. Friend, Lover, Wife and Colorado Kool-Aide.

Did I mention Wifey  hates country as much as I hate disco?

I miss you Johnny and thanks for the ammunition to battle that Gloria Gaynor and Barry Gibb noise that Wifey tortures me with.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Question of the Day……….

I am faced with a delicate decision here. I am outfitting the Man Cave and I am not sure what I want to do in the way of decorating. My friends have posters of scantily clad women in all sorts of suggestive poses with motorcycles and in some cases tool chests.

Now I am no different from any other red blooded American male. (Well in most respects anyway) I still get shivers when I see a poster of Raquel Welch in a roller derby uniform, and some of the reporterettes on CNN are absolutely stunning.

But still, I’m getting older and beauty fades. I still am in awe of Wifey when she wakes up gorgeous. Even with sleep in her eyes she is still a looker to me. I just think it would be weird to have a poster of her hanging in my Man Cave. I don’t know what I would feel if some of my friends were getting loaded and making howling noises at my wife’s picture.

As I get older I am more impressed with intelligent, thoughtful women rather than the silicone injected bimbos who serve me chicken wings and refuse to give a whole pitcher of beer to a patron sitting at a table by himself.

No, I have made my decision. I am going to get a couple of posters of one of the most intelligent and thoughtful woman I can think of. And I am pretty sure Wifey won’t mind either.

So if any of you out there in the cyber world know where I can get a poster of Judge Judy I would really appreciate it.

That should keep the wild drunks in my garage at bay…………….

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A New Cable Channel…………..

That’s what I thought at first. I then realized it was the STSOY (Scare the Shit Outta You) channel. Formerly known as the History Channel.

It seems that the History Channel runs out of their spectacular programing every now and them and needs to rise to a lower level and start showing programs that document every conceivable threat to humanity.

Sure the earth could be in the path of a huge asteroid. We also may get zapped by a killer gamma ray burst. Super volcanoes have erupted in the past and there have been continent wide plagues as recently as the 1400s. This is the stuff of history and should be studied and learned from. Maybe if we are really clever we might be able to prevent, or at least, learn to cope with these disasters when they do happen.

This weeks fare on the History Channel is pure fecal fantasy.

Super hurricanes that are 2,000 (two thousand) miles wide with 500+mph winds? When has that ever happened? Robotic intelligence taking over the planet? I’ll even throw in global warming to this stewpot as it is a farce as well. Some of these future and farcical disasters rival the plot of Bartholomew and the Oobleck. Go ahead. Read that one. I dare you!

Why can’t anyone just stick to what they do best? There is a Science Fiction Channel on cable. Leave the speculative nonsense to them. Even though they cancelled Tripping the Rift they do a pretty good job of showcasing the future possibilities of our silly species.

Maybe I should write the short story of the Velveeta Asteroid hitting the earth.

Stay Tuned………………..