Monday, May 30, 2016

"A Planet Where Apes Evolved From Men?"

Try to follow along with me on this one.


What a bunch of stupid nonsense.

For those of you who are living under rocks and don’t have internet access on your Idiot Phone (iPhone), Harambe is/was a 400 pound gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo.

Some dumb ass sorry excuse for a parent took their eyes off of their four year old child while on a trip to the zoo in Ohio. (Imagine that, someone in Ohio doing something stupid, go figure) The child was “inquisitive” and climbed down into the enclosure where the gorillas live. In order to save the child (only God knows why) the zoo keepers were forced to shoot and kill a 400 pound primate before it could seriously harm or kill the intruder.

"Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!"

So now some jerk-off, with more technology than intelligence on Twitter, thinks the zoo acted irresponsibly when they killed the monster gorilla and he created the hashtag  #JusticeforHarambe. Stupid people all over the world are now outraged this animal was killed to save this human child and think the zoo employees should be reprimanded or even fired.


I don’t know how twitter even works, but I am pretty sure I wouldn’t want MY name attached to such putrid moronic internet garbage.

Some say they should have shot the beast with a tranquilizer dart. Others say they should have dumped in a ton of Purina Gorilla Chow and distracted the monster away from the kid. Sure, a dart full of Vodka that takes fifteen minutes to work wouldn’t piss off that big Ape and send him on a rampage. Didn’t you see Pierre Boulle’s masterpiece?  Tranquilizing that gorilla, Harambe, Macgilla or whatever his damn name was, could have sparked off the Great Ape uprising that would have the potential to end all human life on this planet. 

Personally I would have held out for a Taser gun or something with more entertainment value.

The bottom lines are: first, hold on to your damn offspring at the zoo if you don’t want him/her wandering off and getting mauled. Secondly, how dare you come down on the zoo officials for shooting the animal when the child could have been killed. Imagine for a moment if it was your brat. All the bleeding heart animal rights activists would probably shoot the ape themselves if their precious spawn was in danger.

Of course you knew I would have an idea or two on the subject.

If you are a parent and you don’t keep your kid firmly under control in potentially dangerous situations, you are probably too stupid to have children anyway. If all these dangerous zoo animals had the chance to eat a few low IQ visitors a week we would all be better off anyway. For us intelligent and pragmatic people there would be fewer dumbasses walking around we have to deal with. The zoo would save a ton of cash buying Gorilla Chow, and there would be fewer people to vote for Bernie Sanders in the up coming election farce.

I don’t know which is a better candidate for the Darwin Awards. It’s a close one with people who jump into wild animal cages or us Americans with the pathetic choice we have been presented with for our next president.