Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Feel the Bern?

Well now this is gonna be interesting.

In Puerto Rico senator Bernie Sanders is trying to drum up support to win the 40 delegates the island’s democrat party will be sending to their national nominating convention.

In typical say anything to get the idiots to vote for me fashion, he promised the same old thing he’s been spewing to the uneducated American public his whole campaign, He promises lower taxes, higher minimum wages, free college, free health care and free everything else you can imagine, our favorite socialist is also saying we should make Puerto Rico the 51st state!

So lets see here, Bernie is spending campaign dollars to waste time in Puerto Rico hunting delegates? Does anyone really believe he will ever go back there? Puerto Rico residents can’t even vote in the US presidential election! He will say ANYTHING to win the primary delegates and then he will vanish like Casper the Friendly Ghost! Does he think kissing the Puerto Rican's asses will give him a chance to win New York state in the general election? Even though there are more PuertoRicans in New York than Puerto Rico it still won't be enough to matter.

The new and interesting twist is that Bernie thinks we should take on Puerto Rico as our newest state. Is this just a desperate delegate hunting promise or does this fool really want to assume and/or forgive Puerto Rico’s massive debt that they have just defaulted on? How do we accomplish that? Our whole country is over nineteen trillion dollars ($19,000,000,000,000.00) in debt already. That number takes up more space numerically than alphabetically! Does this guy really think we/they are going to fall for this?

I guess you can promise a fool anything and he will believe it these days. The democrats have been making insane promises to the poor forever and the poor never get anywhere. THEY ARE STILL POOR!  They are no better off than they were before, but every election cycle it’s always the same promises to the same people with the same outcomes.

The last time I felt the “Burn” was when Carl and I dated the same girl from Alaska who was staying in our coed dorm one summer in college. I went out with her Friday night, Carl took her out Saturday night. She flew home after the Volleyball camp on Sunday morning and on the following Friday Carl and I both got huge penicillin shots in the ass to show for it! Luckily, it was only non-specific urethritis (NSU) and not the more serious gonorrhea. It took almost a week for us both to “Feel the Burn” but the lesson was clear.

We were infatuated by what looked good on the outside, something that looked and felt good at first and we were both screwed quite well. The burning pain came afterwards when we realized what we had gotten into.

I really hope the American public doesn’t get to “Feel the Bern” the way Carl and I did.

That wasn’t any fun at all and I can’t imagine feeling it for a full four year presidential term…..

Monday, May 16, 2016

Pecker Checker Czar....

***** Caution: Adult Themes and Language*****

Oh yeah, You read that right.

It looks like President Dumb-Shit will soon be making another executive appointment. This time this constitution violating appointment will be for the new head of the federal Pecker Checker Office. 

The head of the new PCO will be in charge of making sure every public school in America complies with the new transgender decree the Obama administration has dreamt up. Every public school in this once great and proud country of ours will now be required to let students use which ever bathroom or locker room they wish depending on the gender they feel like belonging to.

Yup, you read it correctly. If you are a “person” of high school age who happens to have a penis attached to your area where genitals hang out (cute huh!) you will now be allowed to use which ever restroom or locker room you choose. We have to protect your rights as an individual and make sure we don’t offend you after all. We want you to know that we care about what you think.

I thought TransGendered meant you had a sex change operation and physically became a member of the opposite sex, not just a crossdresser who likes to wear the other genders clothing. I couldn't wear sexy women's underwear any way as I would be arrested for walking around sporting a tent from all that sexy satin and silk constantly rubbing on Mr. Happy.

So this means that after a spirited practice on the football field where the young people with male appendages are all worked up into a testosterone induced frenzy, will get to peel off their jock straps and head off into the persons with vaginas locker room and take their showers if they want to.

Sound like a good idea to you? Innocent enough?  I don’t think so.

Now I don’t care what people have under or in their pants, skirts, kilts, kimonos or what ever the hell they cover their middle sections with. I really don’t. And if a hot looking person with a vagina wants to enter the restroom I am currently using and do his/her business it’s no skin off of my nose (yuck!)

I just am not sure how intelligent it is to allow or encourage young people, or anyone for that matter, to invade the realm of those sporting different reproductive equipment for the purpose of eliminating their bodily waste fluids or materials.

Damn! It’s exhausting trying to think up ways to say this without using offensive terms like male, female, dick or twat and I’m not going to do it anymore.

Everyone has heard of cases where children have been lured into public restrooms and abducted or molested. High school girls and cheerleaders are sexually assaulted far more often than you might think or is reported. What kind of stupid fucked up thinking would in anyways condone or legally try and protect such a stupid policy? Is coming up with such an asinine and potentially disastrous policy really make sense in order to win over the pervert vote in November? Is this really going to become a campaign issue? Are there really that many perverts registered to vote out there?

Hope and change was a very catchy slogan. Lots of people fell for it. Just ask Bruce Jenner, or whatever the fuck it’s name is now, how it feels about it. Do you really want that walking up to a urinal at a restroom in a football stadium and pulling out it’s prick to take a leak next to your ten year old son? Hell, does it even have a prick now? That’s a pretty disgusting and expensive surgical procedure. I guess we will find out when it poses nude in Sports Illustrated later this year. (Double Yuck)

To be honest, I really don’t give a shit where anyone pees. But I don’t have pretty young daughters to worry about either. My wife is a nurse and we have two machetes. Enough said there.

Regardless of what your birth certificate says or how you feel, If you are sporting a penis, no matter how big or small, use the men’s (penis equipped) room. If you have a vagina, you use the room designated for those with that form of plumbing more commonly referred to as the ladies room. Wanna pee with the ladies? Go spend the cash and get yourself a custom made vagina.

Shit, I’ll bet Obamacare would pay for it. Hell, our backwards thinking asshole government may even spend our taxpayer dollars to subsidize it for you.....