Friday, October 17, 2008

I’m Hopping Mad…………..

Think twice before you zip in front of me in your matchbox sized, ethanol powered slot car. I have a huge six thousand pound truck that I would be tickled to death to squash you flat as a beer can with.

Ethanol is mostly made from corn. It is a clear, odorless, flammable liquid that can be used as an automobile fuel. It has a low BTU content so it takes a lot more of it to do the same amount of work that other fuels like gasoline or diesel fuel can do. It is very corrosive so it cannot be pumped around the country in pipelines. It has to be trucked around in tanker trucks. It is the major additive in gasoline produced in the United States. Some environmental dimwits (almost all of them) want us to use more ethanol since it’s such a green, clean fuel. A few advocate switching all motor vehicles to ethanol.


The truck that delivers the corn seed runs on diesel fuel, the farmer’s tractor runs on diesel fuel. The pumps that irrigate the fields run on electric or diesel engines. The harvesting machinery runs on diesel fuel and so does the truck that carries it to market. This doesn’t even begin to cover the power and electricity needed to make the fuel from good ole corn squeezens.

Fact: It takes two gallons of diesel fuel to make one gallon of ethanol.

So why am I so pissed off? We live with the uneducated environmental idiots intruding into our lives everywhere. What’s got Chuckie mad enough to commit vehicular homicide?

Farmers are abandoning their current crops to grow corn which has become a more lucrative product due to the popularity of the ethanol based fuels. Lettuce, tomatoes, vegetables, yams, hops, wheat, oats, the list goes on and on.

Holy Crap Batman! You heard right. Hop production in this country has dropped by 75%. The farmers in the northwest are growing corn instead of hops. A pound of hops used to cost about four dollars.($4.00) Today a pound of hops can go for over forty dollars ($40.00). The beer industry estimates a six pack of beer could cost two dollars ($2.00) more in the future.

 I think I’m going to cry.

How are we going to combat a warmer climate when we can’t afford a cold beer?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Health Insurance for the Dain Bramaged…

Thank goodness these retarded debates are over.

This election, health insurance has turned into an issue to divert you from other really important issues.

McCain wants to tax your insurance benefits you get from your employer. Each person your employer insures costs them about $1,200.00 a month. You pay a hundred or so. They are being nice to you. They want you to keep working there. So now you pay income taxes on the $13,200 as added income? But you get a $5,000.00 credit? That kinda sucks. It was a freebee before. What if you use the insurance? Do you pay taxes on the money paid to the hospital? My open heart surgery was far more than one hundred thousand dollars. Is that now taxable income? I can feel my heart starting to twitch again just thinking of that tax bill.

Obama’s plan gives you the same plan that federal employees can take advantage of. So you would pay your portion, say $100.00 a month and the government would take care of the rest. The other $13,200 per year the government picks up, just like your employer would pay. So let’s see here if 10 million people did this…. 10,000,000.times $13,200 is……Hang on. Have to do it on paper as the calculator ran out of places…..Holy crap. Did I do this right?

One hundred thirty two billion dollars…. per year. That is $132,000,000,000 for those of you who like zeros. That is more than the space shuttle cost. More than 50 of them. That money could build more than 40 aircraft carriers. Every year. We could colonize Mars and have an NFL team there for that kind of money.

But it’s OK. The government is going to pay for it!

And that’s just the insurance portion of the crap that dribbles from these politicians lips. I’ll go into the energy crisis problems of this nightmare later.

I should have watched my DVR reruns of Batman from the 1960’s rather then that moronic debate. At least the plots (and characters) are more believable!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

20 Amazing Years..............

No I'm not talking about the anniversary of the electric bread machine or the nuclear powered can opener. It is my Anniversary tomorrow. Twenty years ago at 5:00 in the afternoon, Teresa officially became Wifey. That's right, for those of you to this day that didn't know, her real name is Teresa.

Wifey has put up with more from me than anyone can imagine. Open heart surgery,  Zymurgy, Trebuchets, Flaming pig sacrifices. You name it, she put up with it. She is the reason I get up every morning, and is my "Favorite Thing".  Every night I try to tell her what I love her more than. Last night I told her I love her more than my computer, The night before it was macaroni and cheese. You get the picture. 

For all of you who have no idea why she puts up with me; join the club. I can't explain it. I just hope she is always there for me as I wouldn't be me without her.

Wifey, For twenty years of putting up with me, I owe you a Fribble........

Days of Swine and Roses………

The weather has changed. The nights are cooler and the days are warm and pleasant. On days like this my mind drifts towards the good old days.  You see, Every October I would begin the preparations for one of the strangest and most anticipated events of the year.


 My birthday is the end of March. Every year Wifey asks me what I want. I can’t ever think of anything that I need. I am happiest when surrounded by my friends. So we would throw a huge party in the woods and everyone would get together.

 Huge sometimes isn’t the word for it. At the largest party we had there were more than 300 guests with over 100 spending the weekend camping. We have had friends come in for the party from California, Texas, Michigan, North Carolina, Georgia and of course, all across Florida. The whole back end of Hanna Park would be filled up with my friends and sometimes even people I didn’t know. We would incinerate a huge 200+lb hog for 24 hours on a spit and just have a great time camping out. After eating till we couldn’t move, the movies would begin. I have an old 16mm projector and I would rent movies to show on a 16’ square screen. We have featured movies such as the 1960s classic “The Corpse Grinders” and “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” A full, exhausting weekend was assured.

 Bryan and his 40lb cast iron skillet cooking two dozen eggs at once, Pedro and his world famous hobo pies, Finn dodging trees in his tent, Billy calling the police on me for an “Alleged” cooler full of beer. George’s pride and joy Monte Carlo getting backed into. Dad getting cornered and hit on in the RV by the pretty little redneck blonde. The bikers at one end of the campsite complaining that the family with 6 kids was making to much noise, Joe explaining the meaning of life to Pedro till all hours. Gabe, Paige and all of the other kids running wild as we had the whole end of the campground to ourselves. Erk and his telescope giving free rides through the cosmos to all takers.

 Yup It was fun. Over all the seven Chuckiefests we did cost a little over ten thousand dollars to pull off. And this doesn’t even begin to cover the “Chuckiefests at Sea” I never regretted any of it for a single minute. Well, Maybe during that huge monsoon we had one year!

 And I’ll be dammed if I don’t want to do it again.

 Stay tuned………….. 

Sunday, October 12, 2008

This Damn Election.. The Winner is.......

Before I reveal who won the election I have to preface this rant. 

I was going to wait at least a day before I start posting things here. I didn't want to look like I was to anxious to save the world with my amazing insight. I just couldn't wait. Maybe it was the blood squirting from my eyes or maybe I was feeling my IQ dropping as I sit on the couch.

I was watching The Amazing Race on CBS and I cannot believe the number of annoying and pathetic political commercials I was subjected to. What a bunch of lying dipshit nonsense they spew. Obama's ads make you think that we are going to drop starving orphans from airplanes in Iraq and Afghanistan. McCain's ads make you think Obama is going to give everyone in America a couple million dollars in order to fix the economy and save the planet.  (I'll explain the economic mess later) 

He was friends with a bad guy when he was younger, He said the economy is fundamentally sound. She had her brother-in-law fired, He asked a guy in a wheel chair to stand up. Blah Blah Blah. It's like listening to hours of Charlie Brown's teacher go on and on.

If the tracking gurus are correct, more than 200,000,000 (thats two hundred million) people will have watched all the debates. That is a lot of heads being filled to the brim with lying bullshit. The only thing that makes me feel better is banging my head against a tree and chanting "It just doesn't matter, It just doesn't matter."

And the winner is........ The television industry itself.  My closest friend in the world is a TV guy. Some of you know him. It drives him crazy as well.

Sorry, Jose, I hate to bash your profession, but the candidates are spending hundreds of millions of dollars on television advertising. It comes at you from every station at every hour. Think about it, during the news broadcasts there are political advertisements. THE NEWS FOR HEAVENS SAKE!  Doesn't that make your pooper pucker a bit to think the news is brought to you and paid for by someone who is trying to influence you to vote for them? When you think is is quieting down a bit, they come up with some phony dumb ass poll data to make a boring story juicier or to create a story where there isn't one in the first place.

Yup. The election is over. The television industry won.

Which makes us ALL the losers.

And so it begins...............

Here we go. Strap in and buckle up for a roller coaster ride through the depths of my multi-track brain cavern. I have no idea where this journey will take us, but maybe with a little luck and some professional help we will make it through unscathed. I have been thinking of subjecting my thoughts and beliefs on the public for a while now. I just couldn't think of a way to do it without getting arrested on put on a list somewhere. This seems as anonymous as any other means to do it. Besides, I have looked at so many other mindless boring blogs lately that it seemed only fair that I should subject the planet to mine as well.

This first post is really just a test to see how well the system works. If  I like it I will continue with it. It seems the spell checker is able to keep up with my dyslexic keyboard gaffs so maybe there is a future to this after all.

More later. I'm going to post this and see what it looks like.