What I Hate About Arizona…..

Forget the fact that you can find the vodka in the orange juice isle at the grocery store. I also like that you can carry a gun in public in the open.

What a fantastic place to live.

The worst part about living in Arizona is that it is next to California.

I suppose the state itself, the soil and the water; the coastline and the sky are not to blame. It’s just the mindless human occupants of the land that are the problem.

The residents of California are a pox on the human race and pretty much to stupid to be alive. It gives me tremendous satisfaction to watch them suffer though their current budget crisis as well as the occasional earthquake and wildfires.

Don’t get me wrong here. I don’t especially want to see anyone killed or hurt, but when you build a house on top of an active earthquake fault, or rebuild your hugely over priced mansion on top of the ashes of the one that burned down last year in a canyon prone to wildfire I have a difficult time opening my sympathy valve, or my wallet.

I like how these multi-millionaire mansion owners in the California hills are just as mentally deficient as the folks who live in New Orleans, below sea level, who think the government should take care of them when their property floods after a hurricane.

Those dumb asses voted years ago to cap energy costs so when oil prices rose their utility companies couldn’t raise the prices for their customers. So they had to have rolling blackouts as they couldn’t purchase electricity from other utilities out of state without breaking the law.

Did you know that the idiot environmental nut cases out there have made it so that in some areas of the state you cannot even grill a steak in your own backyard on a charcoal grill?

Now they have passed a bill that will limit the energy that your TV can use. Televisions up to fifty-eight inches will have limits on how much electricity they can draw. I’m not making this up! I don’t think even I could make up something this dumb, and I’m pretty good at thinking up dumb ideas.

California is the entertainment capitol of the world. A well deserved title in my opinion. I get entertained every time I see those people bend over and hump themselves.

I just don’t want to pay for it……

My Blue Tooth….

For those of you who haven’t known me very long, I haven’t always been the cool, suave and debonair professional man of the world I appear to be now.

Yes, Chuckie was once a wild man in his own special way. Whether it was incinerating pigs, hurling bowling balls huge distances, brewing amazingly fresh beer, or building geodesic domes, old Chuckie seems to march to the beat of a different, yet dyslexic drummer.

If your body is a canvas, mine would be blank. I have no tattoos and no piercings. Just a few really sexy surgical scars that make for interesting conversations when I wear my Speedo.

So I had this bright idea at the dentist’s office to have an impending crown (almost $1,000 worth) dyed blue. Why not? I’m paying for the bastard. Why camouflage it the same color as all my other teeth? I see numerous people with all sorts of God awful ugly gold teeth walking around. I couldn’t afford a diamond insert like that bad guy Stone in the Remo Williams flick.

My dentist told me of the new process where he could dye this new material that he can make a crown out of. It’s like a glaze and a kiln process for pottery. After six firings it was ready. He glued that bastard in and I was the first person in recorded history to have a Blue Tooth! (We even called the company that developed the process to check)

Damn it was beautiful. It was a molar so I had to point it out to you, but it was there and it was all mine. I was finally a unique individual!

It cracked and broke a month later. Apparently the constant re-heating to get the color dark enough (Royal Blue) weakened the material and it just broke in half one day while I was stripping a wire with my teeth.

Now I have a gold crown, which has turned out to be one hell of an investment. And the keyboard and mouse I am using on my new iMac are running on Blue Tooth software.

And you didn’t think I was an amazing guy.....