One thing I find particularly funny is the rash of "Professional Photographers" you see these days on social media. Everyone with a digital camera is now a "Professional" I see at least three new ones a day. It seems any pin head who takes one good baby picture or grabs a decent wedding photo immediately decides that they should work for National Geographic, American Bride, or Playboy.
What's worse is the iPhone and iPad crowd thinking they are the next Ansel Adams or Annie Leibovitz. Every where you go there is some dimwit with a selfie stick trying to look sophisticated while acting like a dumbass in front of his own phone. Ever been 10 rows back at a concert and a squadron of dipshits are holding up their iPads to take a picture or worse video? While the pictures turn out lousy they end up blinding the multitudes of guests who paid a lot of money to see the artist perform.
Let's get real for a minute here. Without trying to offend you, your thousand dollar cell phone is not a serious camera. It's the new millennium's Kodak Instamatic. Sure some great pictures can be taken with a cell phone but it's far rarer than you might think. Imagine the odds of a albino three legged midget winning the olympic pole vaulting gold medal while wearing a Speedo with a winning PowerBall lottery ticket tucked into his groin. Sure it could happen.......
While at a concert in Punta Gorda last March, I was approached by a "Professional Photographer" This 20 year old kid had a Nikon CoolPix camera. Pretty nice iron for an entry level digital camera to take snapshots of the kids at Christmas with. He told me he had a 1gb memory card installed and was really proud of it. He could take/store almost 400 pictures on that SD card. He looked like someone had punched him in the stomach when I told him my 128gb card held over 12,000 shots. He disappeared into the crowd, never to be seen again, or so I hoped.
About an hour later he came by and asked me to look at some of his shots. They were, in a word, terrible. The stage was oriented North/South facing East. The bands were playing in the afternoon so the sun was behind them blasting through the musicians from behind. Every one of his pictures was washed out as he stood directly in front of the bands and carefully composed his shots, LOOKING INTO THE SUN! I almost pissed myself! This "Professional" was shooting into the sun and worse he couldn't figure out what went wrong.
Once I regained consciousness from laugh induced hypoxia, I recommended that he might want to stand off to the side and take some shots without the sun directly in his face. He said I was a genius and that he would try that. Later I saw him about a hundred yards from the stage taking pictures in the twilight with his tiny little built in flash popping off. He then asked me the most brilliant question I have ever heard. "Should I use my flash when I try to take pictures of the Moon?"
Professional Photographer? I don't think so. He did give me a copy of his business card in case I wanted to see some of his work on-line. Yup, you guessed it. He had full color business cards printed up proving beyond a shadow of a doubt he was a professional.
And that's what I have done! My photography business is called "Foto By Chuckie" I even went to Vista Print and ordered my own business cards! My slogan printed below the card's title says, "Occasionally Good Photographs". I am listed as "Camera Pilot/Foto Stooge! My address is listed as Jacksonville Fl, Planet Earth. Next time I am at a function with my camera equipment I will have these cards for all these nitwit Paparazzi in training.
I just may post one on on my facebook page to judge the reactions!
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Back to the Past?
Hi everyone! I am back after a long hiatus.
To be honest, I was just lazy. All sorts of great ideas came to mind for my amazing and award winning (well not really) Blog. But again, I was lazy.
What set me off and jolted me out of my posting hibernation was an article in the British newspaper the Guardian. The title said that Britain is going to ban the sale and use of all internal combustion engine vehicles by the year 2040. You heard me correctly! If your car uses gasoline or diesel fuel in Britain after January 1st 2040 you will be heavily taxed. You will not be able to purchase a gas or diesel powered vehicle anywhere in the country. No mention as to if the ban will also cover farm and construction equipment as well.
So in the last couple years Britannia, who once ruled the waves and the world, has elected a Muslim mayor of Londonistan, they left the EU and now going to join the Third World!
What a proud victory for the environmentalists! Soon they will be piloting horse drawn carriages through he streets of London to deliver food, most likely rotten, to their populace! What a cool picture that will make.
But what about switching to electric cars Chuckie? Are you an idiot? Electric cars are our future. Elon Musk says so.
No Way, Nope and you believe that idiot?
Where do you think the electricity to power your car will come from? Most environmental idiots will Say, “Out of the Wall” Well they are about 2% right. The coal and oil power plants burn fossil fuels to generate electricity. Nuclear power plants are out as they give transgender orphan whales breast cancer. believe it or not, Electric cars create more pollution than fossil fuel cars do.
So now all you are left with is horse and oxen power to deliver your packages from Amazon. And even those are under fire due to the levels of Methane they produce. And all of you vegan assholes get your food delivered in refrigerated trucks to supermarkets that use electricity to keep it fresh. All that food was grown and raised on Diesel fuel. Tractors to plant and harvest the crops, pumps to run the irrigation to water the crops, Trucks to haul the food to your local markets where you purchase your nutritionally void produce to stuff into your politically correct pie holes. You see the ENTIRE WORLD DEPENDS ON INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINES! Without them we would all be dead in a month.
So England is going to have their population all live in caves and eat what they can forage from their abundant natural resources.
But Elon Musk will be orbiting Mars on your dime and won’t give a shit.
Kinda like now.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
You knew it would only be a matter of time before I had to put fingers to keyboard about the TPP. It’s been the top story in the news lately. You can’t even pick up your phone without someone commenting on the TPP.
What’s the big deal? I have spent years thinking up the TPP. The final concept came to me just a few weeks ago when Wifey picked up her new insulin pump. The idea is simple, efficient and most importantly will not be effected by the proposed trade restrictions and tariffs with Mexico.
Confused yet? Don’t worry, all will become clear shortly. All you have to do is keep reading and keep an open mind.
The Tequila Pump Project: (TPP)
Did you think I was talking about the Trans Pacific Partnership trade agreement or something? How little you know me!
I came up with this idea years ago as a way to cut down on costly Tequila imports into the United States. Now that President Dimwit has decided to tax all Mexican imports into the country my idea makes even more sense. A safer and more economical way to infuse felony juice into the American consumer is what we have all been screaming for!
What we need to develop is an infusion pump that injects Tequila right into the brain. A small catheter could be introduced into the carotid artery. This is connected to the pump where tiny amounts of purified Tequila could be injected into the blood stream that goes directly to the brain’s incarceration center.
Why drink Tequila and have to involve all the digestive organs just to get the elixir to your body's control center? That’s old school thinking. With this system in place less that a tenth of an ounce of that Mexican pleasure juice could have the same jail inducing effects that drinking 10-15 margaritas causes. No more nausea, vomiting, and best of all, an almost un-measurable blood alcohol reading. You breath wouldn’t even smell of the stuff! “No officer, I haven’t been drinking tonight”.
The cost savings would be enormous as well. Instead of drinking ten to twelve shots to get whacked you would only use a tiny amount of the elixir of doom. A quart of Tequila could produce maybe 300 plus doses of crime inducing euphoria versus five or six jail terms if you just drank it straight from the bottle. Why attempt to raise the blood alcohol level in all eight to twelve pints of blood in the human body when you only need to target a very small area in the brain. That’s like turning on the whole sprinkler system to water just one tomato plant. Am I right here? We would even be doing the planet a favor as we would reduce the number of liquor bottles clogging up our precious landfill space.
Best of all, at a party or any social function all you would have to do is press the button on your pump and bang, instant drunkenness. Immediate disorientation with loss of memory and inhibitions when your dumb shit valve gets chemically forced wide open. There could even be a smart phone app that could be voice activated. “Siri, activate felony juice and criminal behavior mode”. Think of the fun you could have if you hacked your date’s TPP system! Talk about a "Bloomer Dropper"!
(Bloomers are panties for those of you born later than 1979)
The possibilities are as exciting as they are endless. The only questions are when we can get this implemented and how much will it cost?
And probably the most mind numbing question of all is “Why did it have to be me to think of it?”
Monday, January 16, 2017
What is it with the song titles in my BLOGS these days?
Imagine it’s 79 AD. You live in a bustling city by the sea. An important tourist and commercial city. A center of commerce, art, shipping, manufacturing and culture. Life is good. You wake every morning after the previous night’s debauchery and rise to a nutritious and delicious breakfast then bathe and dress for the day. You make your way to your place of business, but, something is amiss.
There is the unfamiliar odor of rotten eggs in the air and it seems that there is a light snow falling. The minor earthquakes that you have been experiencing for the last couple of months seem to have suddenly abated. "What the hell is going on?" runs through your mind at 500 miles per hour. Almost as fast as the choking and deadly pyroclastic flow that is coming from the mountain next to your beautiful city is moving. The deadly cloud is made up of rock, volcanic ash, miscellaneous debris and poisonous gasses. All at over five hundred degrees fahrenheit (500°f). It is streaking towards the city, YOUR CITY, at 600 miles per hour killing, incinerating and burying everything in it’s path at the speed of a jet airliner.
Of course you die. You are instantly killed right were you are standing. That mysterious and fine “snow” that you witnessed falling in the 70° weather was actually volcanic ash. Not ash really, but razor sharp microscopic particles of glass-like rock dust that shredded the inside of your lungs with every breath you tried to take. The snow continues to fall and there is the silence of a grave yard decending upon the city that you once called home. Mt. Vesuvius was a beautiful neighbor. Your home had a magnificent view of it’s gorgeous snow covered peaks. The orange and red hues that covered the mountain when the sun set were breathtaking. Almost as breathtaking as the ash in your lungs that killed you. The same ash that has now has entombed you right where you collapsed. “Maybe somebody will discover my body buried under this twelve to twenty feet of ask/rock in two thousand years” is something that might have run through your mind. It’s doubtful though.
Why the hell would I type this today? Pretty simple really. I just got back from a one day trip to Seattle Washington.
WHERE THE SAME THING IS GOING TO HAPPEN ONE OF THESE DAYS! (read it again and again until it sinks in)
Yes Seattle, That bustling city. Home of Amazon, Boeing, Starbucks, and the 12th Man (which they stole from Texas A&M) You see, Seattle and Tacoma are sitting at the base of Mt. Rainier. A Volcano that the locals will say is extinct and the geologists say is active or dormant at the very least. The geologists even say it has a high potential for eruption. The same category Mt. St Helens is in presently. The mountain was once a beautiful cone shaped beast resembling Mt. Fuji in Japan, until it exploded. And what an explosion it was! Probably about the size of Mt. St. Helens in May of 1980. The resulting structure has reformed somewhat. The classical Mt. Fuji shape is gone and what is left is an active, growing pile of steaming rubble covered in snow three miles high. The structure of the mountain has grown weaker with it’s swelling and pulsing. The snow load on the peak is incredible due to it’s fourteen thousand foot plus (14,000'+) summit. Every now and then you can see steam actually rising from the “Vents” in the mountain. It is a modern day cataclysmic time bomb. A disaster of biblical proportions waiting to happen, again.
Pompeii had a population of about eleven thousand (11,000) people in 79 AD.
There are over seven hundred thousand (700,000) residents in Seattle. Tacoma has about two hundred fifty thousand (250,00).
There are close to a million people living a few miles from an active and unstable volcano in the pacific northwest. This is a vital and vibrant metropolitan area in the most technologically advanced country the world has ever seen. When I asked a local riding on the light rail train to the airport about it, her reply was “But it is so pretty”.
Hey wait a minute, Isn’t That where Microsoft has it’s headquarters?
Who would have thought that a five hundred degree (500°) pyroclastic cloud killing and burning everything in it’s path would have a silver lining?
Nope. This is not about the musings of some anorexic pop singer from the 70's.
It's political. Sorry about that.
It's political. Sorry about that.
It’s now four days until our new president is sworn in and already the shit is starting to hit the fan. This time it’s coming from all directions simultaneously. Thank you American Journalists.
The dimwits who voted for Hillary Clinton are still doing everything they can think of to de-legitimize Trump’s campaign and election. The latest, and most hypocritical, battle cry is that the Russians hacked a bunch of computers at the Deomocrat’s headquarters and used the information gleaned to sway the American electorate’s opinions and votes. It is now widely reported that the Russians hacked the Republicans in this election as well. Did they try to sway the election in favor of Donald Trump? Sure. Why not? The deafening cry of “That’s not fair!” is echoing through the land. How dare the Russians do this to our hallowed and sacred election process. We would never do ANYTHING like this.
Excuse me if I say bullshit.
(I feel better now. Thank you.)
Have you forgotten when our most holy and immaculate president Obama spent a little over 300 million dollars trying to disgrace and de-legitimize Israel’s prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu? After the hostile rhetoric that was daily heaped on Israel by the President and his foul cabinet, the prime minister of Israel (our most important and greatest ally in the entire middle east) Mr. Netanyahu came to visit the United States to straighten things out between two of the world’s greatest nuclear powers. What did our Dipshit in Chief do? He refused to clear up his schedule to meet with his ally. He also condemned Mr. Netanyahu for meeting with the United States congress and began a media campaign in Israel attempting to discredit the current prime minister in his re-election campaign. How is this any different from what the Russians tried to do in our last election? Thank heavens that this is the last year we have to endure Obama’s March Madness bracket picks while the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
Sure Mr. Trump won the electoral college vote but didn’t win the popular vote. That’s the way our system works. It’s done that way so we don’t succumb to “Mob Rule” I we elected presidents based on popular vote alone we would always have a president who was picked by a small portion of this countries electorate. The huge cites would get all of the campaign funds and attention and it would dilute the power of YOUR vote. Asking the appointed electors to vote against the wishes of they states they represent is not only unethical but illegal in most states.
Pretty much all of our former presidents have kept quiet about the administrations and cabinet picks made by the next president elect. It's the classy thing to do. It shows their level of maturity and that they were taught to respect their peers. Look at the river of diarrhea that has been flowing from this president's mouth since the November election. For the last eight years every time something went wrong or there was a difficult problem to be solved it was former president Bush's fault. It should be fun to listen to Obama squeal like a gutted pig when every problem in the upcoming four years is laid at his doorstep. Place your bets folks. Will he take it quietly and like a man like George Bush Jr. did? I seriously doubt it.
If you think that I am ranting against Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and their supporters you would be correct. This by no means is an endorsement of Donald Trump. Quite the contrary, I think Mr.Trump is as qualified to be president as another quasi famous television star, Arnold Ziffle. The only reason he was elected is that his aura and odor is just a bit less toxic than Ms. Clintons. I am don't know if I am more astound or offended or disgusted that he won the election. Probably the best term would be dumbfounded.
Build a 2,500 mile border wall? Are you Nuts?
Deport 11 million people? Are you nuts?
Impose a 35% tariff on foreign made vehicles. Are you nuts?
Ban immigrants with different religious beliefs from entering the country. Are you nuts?
It's acceptable to grab women by their genitals? Are you nuts?
I didn’t vote for either of these pathological liars. Unfortunately, by my living in The United States and being an American Citizen, Mr. Trump will be my president. I don’t like it one bit. But I will support my country and president when needed.
I will not attempt to actively undermine his office or the duties he is required to perform. He deserves a chance. A chance to succeed or a chance to fail. I will judge him accordingly then. In the meantime, I wish someone would take his smartphone and/or twitter account away from him. Sometimes the best way to get a point across is to keep your mouth closed and your thoughts to yourself.
Like I am one to talk there!
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Black Ice Air Freshener?
What the hell is going on here?
I am buying a rare Volkswagen New Beetle in the next couple of weeks. It is a limited edition car painted with Volkswagens “Snap Orange” paint. Volkswagen only produced this color on the New Beetles in 2002. The car is immaculate and has a ridiculously low amount of miles on it. The lady who owned it kept it garaged and hardly ever drove it. Yes, It is one of those rare deals you wished you had grabbed when you had the chance but never pulled the trigger on. The opportunity you always seem to miss.
Not this time. No siree Bob. I'm going for it.
So I thought I would go out and grab an orange scented air freshener to put in the car so it smells nice sitting in my garage while hibernating under a nice fabric car cover. Yes, this car will be pampered like none I have ever owned before. I will have it polished weekly and gently rubbed with fine silk and plush cloth diapers by white robbed virgins smelling of lilac. It will only be driven on clear days when birds are happily singing in the trees far enough away to prevent us from being hit by avian shit missiles.
Yes I am excited about this car! I have to fly across the entire continent to pick it up and drive over thirty five hundred miles (3,500) to return him to Florida where he can retire in the warmth he so richly deserves.
I will be the envy of many people.
The problem wth my idyllic fantasy is that I can’t seem to find an orange scented air freshener anywhere.
I mean NOWHERE.
All I can find are scents like, Black Ice, Clean Linen, Radiant Berries, Shimmering Wonder and Blue Odyssey.
What the hell does Black Ice smell like? I grew up in New England and lived in Northern Arizona. I’ve seen more black ice on roadways than most people ever will. It didn’t smell at all. Not one bit. How could you get that in an air freshener? And what the hell is Blue Odyssey? Can’t say I have ever smelled anything called that before. Radiant Berries sounds like something that you would get out of your garden if you lived near Chernobyl. Shimmering Wonder makes me imagine what a hot glitter infused fart would resemble on a cold winter day.
Whatever happened to scents I can relate to like Lemon, Pine or Cinnamon? What the hell does Cashmere Woods smell like? The only thing I can imagine is how an old grandmother would smell if she was lost in a forest somewhere wearing a sweater. Who would want to spray that around in their domicile?
If I were going to sell smell good stuff, I would do some serious research as to what the public would want. None of these silly Martha Stewart inspired sissy scents, no sir. If I wanted to attract women I would make scents like Money, Diamonds, or Ferrari. Of course if you were a chick and needed to rely on scent to attract a male you could use Bacon, Football, or Beer scented air fresheners.
Once again, I don’t understand this modern world. I keep thinking of when I was younger and old people would say, “When I was your age…” Yes I know, phones had dials, records were made of vinyl, you walked a hundred miles a day to school and hybrids were vegetables in the garden.
What the hell is happening to me?
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Some dumb ass Californians want their state to secede from the United States of America.
I’m all for it. I’ll support it and I’ll volunteer to work for it. Hell I will even donate money to help make it happen!
Let’s say, just for fun, that you had a disgusting tumor residing in your body siphoning your vital energy and resources away to feed itself. One day the tumor says it wants to leave by itself. What do you say?
Yes, I am comparing California to an ugly benign tumor. If you think about it, Californians really are.
For years California has been infected with far left liberals who have lost all connection with reality.
Examples? Sure, plenty off em.
Look at the taxes those fools pay.
Try to use a charcoal grill to cook a steak in your back yard.
Big screen TV sizes are regulated due to the amount of electricity they use.
Water rationing due to all the agriculture that has priority over human use of water.
Rolling electric blackouts due to overpopulation and not enough energy production
Sanctuary cities where illegal aliens can live free of prosecution for crimes they commit
Drivers licenses for illegal aliens
Free health care for illegal aliens
And so it goes
And so it goes.....
The list of silly ass regulations and nonsense that Californians push and vote for could go on forever. And we (the rest of the country) would be far better off without them. Sure they would be the sixth largest economy in the world if they became their own country, but how much does that number really effect the rest of the country when you factor in how much aid and commerce they would, or wouldn’t, get from the US?
One of my friends, Geo, thinks we should let Mexico have California back. A great idea, but I am afraid it wouldn’t work. Mexico surely wouldn’t want those idiots back. Where would they be able to dump their riffraff across the border if California wasn’t there? Mexico would have to assume the costs of all these now legal immigrants to their new state that they now don’t have. Their own immigrants would bankrupt the Mexican economy.
I’m pretty sure Californians would really like to be Americans when the next huge Earthquake strikes the San Francisco bay area and they need FEMA to bail their asses out or when North Korea starts lobbing missiles into the Pacific Ocean off their coast. Maybe that huge super volcano under Mammoth Lakes will go off and what will they do then? The Port of Los Angeles is the busiest port in the US. I am sure all the other shipping ports along our shorelines would love to grab some of that business when we slap some huge tariffs on products that go through that union controlled port. Californian vegetable produce? Hell it’s all picked by Mexicans who wipe their asses with it anyway. Just think of the potential health benefits of a United States minus California. The collective intelligence of the country would rise significantly if California seceded. What about Silicon Valley you ask? Do you really think Apple and all the other high tech companies would stay in California once the US finished taxing the crap out of their products they import into the country? Look at Honda and Volkswagen. They produce products in the US to keep from paying tariffs we impose on imported goods. Do you think that would change?
We would prosper if California left the union. That huge Democrat electoral state would disappear thereby guaranteeing Conservative and or Republican leadership for the United States pretty much forever.
In short, Calexit is just another pie in the sky stupid idea thought up by idiots and aggressively sold to the do-gooder morons of the sate who don’t know any better. As much as I love the idea it just ain’t gonna happen. But I will buy a t-shirt supporting them!
It’s a damn shame really. Think of the jobs we would create by building that wall to keep those west coast infidels out!
Yes I’m cheating.
I am typing this a couple days after the election is over so I know already what has happened.
First the obligatory data from November 8 2016:
Dow Jones Industrial Average 18,259 points
Gold Futures $1,281.00/oz
Silver Futures $18.34/oz
WTIC Crude Oil $44.60/bbl
For the last couple elections I have been documenting these indexes here so you my constant reader, can observe our countries progress, or decline.
You may have noticed that I have been mysteriously absent from the blogosphere during this election. I apologize for this as whenever I ponder the depth of depravity our election system has sunk to I develop very painful and uncontrollable shit cramps and have to run to the biffy for a prolonged episode of explosive diarrhea. You know the kind where you have to drag in the pressure washer to scrub the bottom of the toilet seat with a solution of high temperature water and industrial strength swimming pool chlorine.
Sorry that was so graphic, but it’s true.
“Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for Gary Johnson” is the slogan on the t-shirt I just ordered. And I really believe it. I did vote for some down ticket Republicans who I thought would do a good job but that’s about it. I left the Republican Party a few years back as I was disgusted by the social and political stands they were taking. To this day I have no regrets.
Well that’s not entirely true, I regret I couldn’t do more to advance the Libertarian ideals in my state and country. Let me make this perfectly clear (Thanks Dick) I am not a shite Libertarian. An example would be that I do believe the Federal Reserve Bank is evil and should be dismantled. I do not,however, go so far as to believe that each state should be allowed to print their own currency as a local Libertarian fanatic running for office suggests.
So now the election is over. Trump beat Clinton.
All this does is verify what we all knew. Hillary Clinton was the weakest candidate the Democrats have ever nominated for president. Donald Trump beat her. Trump was the most vilified candidate the Republicans have ever had. Numerous senators and congressmen as well as a couple of former Republican presidents refused to support or even vote for him! The most hated of the 16 Republican candidates got the nomination and he still beat Clinton. In doing so he even flipped a couple of Democrat stronghold states like Michigan and Ohio. This is all a testament to how pathetic Hillary Clinton really is/was.
The real loser here is the American public. Not because a perverted, foul-mouthed old man is now our president-elect, but because of the WAY he won. It is now perceived that the way to win an election is to be as disgusting and foul-mouthed as possible. I will bet you anything you like that the next presidential election will resemble more of a professional wrestling cage match or mud wrestling contest in an open septic field than an intelligent discussion of who will rule the free world.
Maybe we would have been better off if Clinton had won and started a nuclear war with the Russians. At least then we would have a complete and total reset of our values and morals.
My last word is; Hold on, it’s gonna be a very bumpy four year ride.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
I just have to go to Brazil.
Not for any silly soccer matches. I had enough of those obnoxious plastic horns when they played the last World Cup in South Africa. No, I’m not going for the Olympics. I have no desire to watch pre-pubescent 12 year old girls bend themselves around the parallel bars to impress some communist gymnastic judges. If I want to see women bending around a pole I will go to Las Vegas or Whackos.
I really would like to see the harbor at Rio de Janeiro as it is one of the 7 natural wonders of the world. I have seen the Grand Canyon, I will be seeing the Northern Lights in September. That would leave only four more. But I would have to go to Asia, Mexico, Australia and Africa.
“But Chuckie, Isn’t that going to cost a lot of money.” I hear you cry.
Yup. That’s why I want to go to Brazil.
You see, The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta is looking for male volunteers with the Zika virus to donate semen for medical research. So far they have 40 volunteers. They want 210 more.
These guys get to donate twelve semen samples every two weeks for our government to study how the disease is transmitted sexually. The volunteers would be needed for six month periods.
But wait. I haven’t gotten to the best part yet!
Your government is PAYING these volunteers for their semen! That’s right, you heard me correctly! The United States government is paying fifty ($50.00) dollars per semen donation! That is twelve hundred dollars ($1,200.00) a month to sit around and jerk off into a vial that is picked up daily by a currier and whisked off to a lab somewhere.
Seventy two hundred dollars ($7,200.00) for six months of looking at porn and jerkin your gherkin! And I’ll bet it’s even tax free!
"But Chuckie, you would have to get the Zika virus wouldn’t you?"
Sure I would, but I don’t care. I am obviously not going to have a baby anytime soon. I am monogamous and Wifey isn’t going to have a child either. The worst that would happen is I have to choke the chicken with a fever or flu symptoms for a few weeks. For seven grand I imagine I could handle that. (Please forgive the pun)
So if you telephone me and the call goes immediately to voice mail you can assume that I am either out of the country or taking care of business.
Taking care of business every day
Taking care of business every way
Taking care of business It’s all mine
Taking care of business and working overtime
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Think of Neil Diamond's "Love on the Rocks"
Trapped in the house
what an ugly surprise
the garage door spring breaks
and then your wife cries
you don’t get no respect here
when your trapped in the house
Can’t go to the store
can’t go to the show
There’s a holiday sale at Walmart, but you just can’t go
Your whole life is ruined
when you trapped in the house.
First the spring it breaks
sounds like a shotgun blasting
suddenly you feel trapped there
with out any place to go.
Then you hear the voices
are they really laughing?
Taunting you inside your head
Your trapped at home just go to bed
stuck behind a half ton door.
You fill out the form
And wait for the call
it’s a holiday weekend
God damn it all
Looks like your here till Tuesday
Trapped in the house
You post it on Facebook
and your friends have to laugh
your masculinity has been cut in half
you look and feel like a pussy
when your trapped in the house
Maybe the neighbors
will give you a hand
And then maybe not
because its you they can’t stand
You realize your fucked
when you are trapped in the house
How could this happen
and why is it always me?
sitting here bored to tears just posting to my BLOG
That son of a bitch is heavy, I mean it’s REALLY heavy!
Could I move it with the jack
try to prevent a heart attack
Wouldn’t that just be my luck
©MMXVI ChuckieTunes inc.All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
After the recent terrorist attack in Orlando it only makes sense that there are some serious questions being asked. It is obvious that the government is full of politicians trying to score points off of public opinion for the next election.
One of the serious questions floating around is, why was this asshole allowed to buy a weapon and ammunition after he was investigated by the FBI twice? Wasn't he on the secret “No-Fly List” for a while?
There is a very simple and straightforward answer that you may not want to hear.
He was (prior to his death) an American Citizen. He was born here just like you and me. As an American citizen he had the RIGHT to purchase a gun. Period. End of discussion.
Well not really. He was cleared by the FBI of allegations of anti American behavior and possibly terrorist activity twice. As an American citizen protected by the U. S. Constitution, his purchase of a weapon was completely legal. The background check that was performed at the time of purchase came up clean. It was his right the same as it’s your right to purchase and own a gun.
Even if he was on a “No-Fly List” he should still be allowed to purchase a gun. The “No-Fly List” is a list of people who are BELIEVED to be a threat to air safety. The vast majority of them have not been convicted of a crime. Even if he was on the “No-Fly List” he was protected by the U.S. Constitution the same as you and me and would be allowed to buy a weapon.
Hell, Hillary Clinton is CURRENTLY under investigation by the FBI and she is allowed to run for President of the United States.
This is the scary part. If you start letting the government make secret lists of people they consider to be undesirables and then you start to revoke or limit their constitutionally protected rights based on these unproven allegations you are advocating turning this country into a state comparable to NAZI Germany of the early1940s. Ever hear of the Gestapo or Hitler’s SS? The Soviet Union had a powerful secret police that pulled the same tricks on their citizens. How many people disappeared in the USSR without a trace thanks to the NKVD and the KGB?
Do you trust our government that much? The same government who listens to and records your cell phone calls? The same government who ordered the IRS to investigate and harass the conservative Tea Party just because they had a different political ideology than the current administration? This is the same government that is trying to control the insurance industry and will soon have your medical and prescription records. Remember when the government was advocating that they should control how much a CEO of a company should be allowed to earn? The same government passed the Patriot Act which allowed the police or FBI the power to enter your residence, search it and leave without notifying you. No warrant needed.
The Patriot Act was a radical knee jerk reaction to the horrible terrorist attack of September 11 2001. History has shown that every time there is a major strike against or in America we respond by granting the government more and more power to rule our lives in an attempt to keep us safe. More and more of our rights are being stripped away, and we never get them back. You can't legally purchase an AR-15 in Connecticut after the Sandy Hook School shooting.
Do you feel any safer with the additional freedoms that have been taken from you? Don’t you sort of get the creeps when you see video cameras everywhere you go watching your every move?
You can’t own a gun in England and they just had a member of Parliament gunned down and killed in the street. Chicago and New York City have some of the strictest gun laws in the world. More people get killed every week in Chicago than happened in the Orlando attack.
Maybe if everyone was armed this domestic terrorism nonsense would decrease or stop. Would that terrorist (I refuse to use his name) have killed as many people in that nightclub if half of the victims were carrying a handgun? If he KNEW that there was a chance that someone would have fought back and he could have been shot himself would he still have carried out his attack? Isn’t it interesting that all these attacks are taking place in “Gun Free Zones”? Movie theaters, college campuses, elementary schools, bars and gun free workplaces, not to mention gun free cities like New York and Chicago.
Go ahead and reply to this BLOG and try to make an intelligent argument for gun control. I dare you. Here’s your chance. Try to change my mind. Remember I said an “Intelligent Argument”.
Meanwhile I am going to go and clean my AR-15.
Friday, June 17, 2016
All you have to do is close your eyes……
Just imagine how the good folks at Disney are going to profit from all this recent publicity. You can bet your sweet Bippie that those public relations masters are right now trying to figure out a way to make a bucket full of cash out of the recent mauling of that two year old kid from Nebraska.
I wonder why they don't ask me? You just knew I would come up with a practical, if not horrific, idea to make a buck off of this so called tragedy.
Welcome to Disney’s Reptile Safari!
First we would lower the water level in that man made lake behind the Grand Floridian Beach Resort a few feet. Once that fertile and marshy area has a chance to grow wild for a year or two we start to offer alligator hunting tours along the edges of the swamp. All we need are a couple dozen specially outfitted open top Jeeps and two or three hundred AR-15 rifles to issue to guests who wish to partake in a real Florida vacation experience.
Why not? Disney has Lions and Tigers and Bears (Oh My!) living in the Animal Kingdom park. What’s the difference?
The guests in the Grand Floridian would be charged extra for the rooms over looking the killing fields. Imagine sipping on a cool, tasty frozen beverage on the balcony of your fifteen hundred dollar ($1,500.00) a night deluxe hotel suite watching tourists with guns exterminate prehistoric reptiles. Romance and excitement in one package!
The Disney concessionary department would make a fortune off of the free alligator meat the park could provide. Gator tail popsicles for the kids and gator coladas for the adults. Designer one hundred dollar pairs of Micky Mouse ears made from alligator hides as well as boots, shoes and briefcases.
We would restock the hunting preserve (oxymoron?) with the alligators we trap in our municipalities where they are considered a nuisance species. More trappers would be gainfully employed, cities and towns would be rid of a nasty predatory pest, and poodle owners all across Florida would be able to breathe easier when Fifi is shitting out by the pond in their backyard.
To counter the rising cost of Purina Alligator Chow, those amazing imagineers at Disney could organize a daily children’s only picnic in the middle of the preserve. Free cookies and snacks as well as wading and swimming with the gators. They could even offer discounts for more nutritionally satisfying obese children. Why not? People pay hundreds of dollars to swim with Dolphins all over Florida. The same folks shell out a hundred bucks a day or more to ride roller coasters in the various parks to scare the shit out of themselves. This new innovative park satisfies both emotional needs at the same time. Children from different countries could attend picnics in different parts of the preserve assuring gator meat that is pre-seasoned. Hot & spicy gator that was in the hispanic children’s area, Italian gator meatballs and spaghetti from children from southern Europe. The possibilities are endless and lucrative.
The money the hunting trips generate would more than pay for the legal fees and compensate the lousy parents who let their kids wade in a pond in Florida after dark. Want your take your kid swimming in tropical Florida at night? Just stop at the pool you walked by where swimming IS allowed and let them pee in there.
Who said Disney doesn’t have something for everyone?
Sing it with me...
“It’s a Cruel world after all, It’s a Cruel world after all, It’s a Cruel world after all, it’s a Cruel Cruel world”.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Every time I sit down in front of my computer I get inundated with environmental bullshit about all the carbon in the atmosphere and on the Earth due to human beings and climate change. It’s on the television, radio, billboards on the highway and even arrives in my mailbox outside as junk mail.
I don’t know where all the experts on carbon have come from. Surely they can’t all be materials scientists or have even taken high school chemistry. My guess is they are all pretty dimwitted folks who think they are standing up for an intelligent and meaningful cause. I guess you might think that is somewhat noble of them but imagine being a hunter and bagging a Peterbuilt instead of a deer.
The reason carbon has got my goat this morning is that the amount of carbon on the planet has not changed in the last few hundred years. Yup, you read that correctly. The amount of carbon on the planet right now is actually a little less than when the dinosaurs roamed around.
What? Are you kidding Chuckie? Have you been smoking crack or overdosed on pop tarts or something?
No, No, and No.
You see, Carbon is an ELEMENT. it is number 6 on the periodic table. It cannot be destroyed or created except by a nuclear reaction or a particle accelerator (theoretically anyway) All the carbon on Earth came from interstellar nuclear reactions on the Sun and/or distant stars. There is as much carbon on the Earth as there was a billion years ago before humans ever started to evolve.
The reason I say that the net amount of carbon on our planet has gone down is to account for the minuscule amount that we have sent into outer space and other planets and moons in our space program. We have sent more carbon to our moon than human beings have ever created on Earth in our entire existence.
That being said, carbon can bond with and be liberated from other compounds. It happens all the time. Every time you use your fireplace or fire up the BBQ you are moving around carbon atoms. BUT THE AMOUNT OF EARTH BOUND CARBON STAYS THE SAME! Driving your car or even eating a pizza does the same thing.
Three and a half billion years ago (3,500.000,000) this planet was a semi liquid blob of molten rock measuring in at thousands of degrees. Since then we have had numerous periods where the planet was a little hotter and a little colder than it is now. The Earth was even frozen completely over with ice at one point. All this before there were Republicans around to blame it on. We, as a species, are not even a pimple on the ass of the Earth in the grand scheme of things.
Assuming we can change the evolutionary future path of this or any planet is the height of human arrogance and unmitigated greed.
Yes Greed. You don’t think anyone is making a buck off of this Global Warming/Climate Change nonsense? Is Al Gore’s house bigger than yours? Do you fly around in a private jet like Michael Moore? Do you have a Junk Science show or special on a cable channel like some of these high paid phonies (read Bill Nye) do?
Wow! If you really are that stupid, just send me all your money! I will promise to say things that will make you feel all warm and fuzzy.
I live in Nigeria.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
After somebody (yes, just one person) read my BLOG yesterday on how human beings should have invented Spray On Toast by this point in our evolution, I have become motivated to submit more of my brilliant ideas to our collective human existence.
Take the kitchen for example. Every modern kitchen has one dishwasher. Clearly that’s not enough. Anytime I want a pot or pan or special glass for my evening lager it’s in the dishwasher. If I ever build a house my kitchen will have two dishwashers. I will also have a urinal in the kitchen as well. Whenever I get a single drop of water on my hands when I am cooking something I have to stop to go pee. This inconvenient biological design flaw always seems to occur at a critical moment in a recipe that I am either making or developing. Sure you may think it’s gross, but I would wash my hands when finished and would keep it clean and fresh smelling.
My bathroom would have a Biffy Bubbler (see earlier BLOG posts) and a pressure sensitive switch built into the toilet seat to activate the fart fan. Said fan’s intake would be much closer to the actual “scene of the crime” and would exhaust into the attic of the house thereby killing any bugs and mice that may reside there.
The thermostat for the house would be in the bedroom not the front hall. No one lives in my front hall. I spend most of my time inside in the bedroom in bed. I would have a temperature probe between the sheets tied into the the cooling and heating system of the house to maintain the optimum sleeping environment.
My computer would be tied into a ultra-high voltage power line connected to my “Spam Zapper” device. When I turn on my computer and check my email, this accessory would automatically electrocute any asshole who sends me spam about acquiring a Russian Bride or tries to sell me Viagra from Canada.
I haven’t decided if I want a flame thrower or an electronic device to obliterate any drones that fly over my property. Both sound like a lot of fun. Maybe the infrared carbon dioxide LASER that I am building would do the trick, although it would be hard to aim and the collateral damage could be significant. Now wouldn't that piss off the FAA! A 100 watt infrared LASER that could burn through granite mounted in my backyard when I live 5 miles form an airport. Are those black helicopters I hear coming my way?
Is this shit too much to ask for? How hard can this stuff be?
And don’t get me started on my disgust with the food industry. It makes no sense whatsoever that we still don’t have aerosol spaghetti noodles. God damn you Chef Boyardi. Some asshole invented Silly String. Why not Chuckie’s Aerosol Pasta? Think of the lives we could save by dropping CAP cans over starving countries. What an amazing idea for emergency hurricane and disaster kits. School lunchrooms would never be boring again! Think of the ease and convenience of making dinner when on a camping trip. Obviously the pasta would be biodegradable and non-toxic, unlike that plastic shit in Silly String, so it could be sprayed at weddings without killing innocent birds like rice does. Maybe that's why Chef Boyardi hasn't come up with (or stolen) the idea yet.
Non-toxic aerosol pasta in a can? Whooda thunk it?
My brain hurts. I am going to go take a nap now.
Friday, June 10, 2016
I have been racking my poor little brain trying to come up with inventions that will benefit mankind after I am gone. Let’s face it folks, life is a zero sum game. We all are going to drift off eventually to Flying Spaghetti Monster Heaven one day so we might as well make every day count and do whatever we can to bolster our individual legacies.
I know I am a cynical and sarcastic bastard. This BLOG obviously belabors that point. I have tried to uplift mankind with a few positive suggestions in my tenure on this planet. The Raisin Powered Nuclear Reactor is just one of many ideas I have come up with to make life more fulfilling for my fellow human beings. The five gallon bucket of Pepto-Bismol is another example I can think of off the top of my head along with the EPC (Electric Powered Canoe). All are chronicled somewhere in this collection of crazy thoughts I have posted.
It’s time for another earth shattering idea.
I think we should have “Spray on Toast” Yes, you heard me right. A chemical that comes in a pump spray bottle that will toast bread. The more you pump the darker the toast will be. No more standing around the kitchen waiting for your old crumb filled electric antique to finish heating your bread. Just a couple pumps and you have instant breakfast. We could even offer butter flavored SOT (Spray on Toast) as well as different preserve flavorings to add variety to your breakfast routine.
This could be a simple form of flavored acid or base that would react with the bread to brown it. Once the reaction is finished the chemical would be completely spent and inert leaving no after taste or residue. Think of all the time we would save every morning if we could just spray our bread on the way to work or school. We would make sure it was water repellant as well so our hamburger buns don’t get soggy from that delicious meat juice.
THIS IS NOT A CRAZY IDEA!
We have robotic vacuum cleaners running around our houses sucking up stray crumbs and cat hair, there are people who spend thousands of dollars on bottles of water when the entire planet is covered in free water (doesn't it also free fall from the sky?) We even have spray on tanning spooge meant to make it seem as if we have time to go to the beach, and my personal all time favorite, Squirt Cheese.
Hell, people are buying electric cars that poison the environment far more than petroleum fueled vehicles trying to impress their friends with how “Green” they are. Just think of all the energy we would save not running our toasters every morning. A thousand watt toaster running for 5 minutes a day (four slices) in one hundred million (100,000,000) households? You get the picture.
Maybe we could get that thief Elon Musk to slap the Tesla name on it and sell a couple million of them for five hundred bucks, half in advance pre-production of course, before he comes out with a cheaper model after he has cornholed you the first time.
Monday, May 30, 2016
Try to follow along with me on this one.
What a bunch of stupid nonsense.
For those of you who are living under rocks and don’t have internet access on your Idiot Phone (iPhone), Harambe is/was a 400 pound gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo.
Some dumb ass sorry excuse for a parent took their eyes off of their four year old child while on a trip to the zoo in Ohio. (Imagine that, someone in Ohio doing something stupid, go figure) The child was “inquisitive” and climbed down into the enclosure where the gorillas live. In order to save the child (only God knows why) the zoo keepers were forced to shoot and kill a 400 pound primate before it could seriously harm or kill the intruder.
"Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!"
So now some jerk-off, with more technology than intelligence on Twitter, thinks the zoo acted irresponsibly when they killed the monster gorilla and he created the hashtag #JusticeforHarambe. Stupid people all over the world are now outraged this animal was killed to save this human child and think the zoo employees should be reprimanded or even fired.
I don’t know how twitter even works, but I am pretty sure I wouldn’t want MY name attached to such putrid moronic internet garbage.
Some say they should have shot the beast with a tranquilizer dart. Others say they should have dumped in a ton of Purina Gorilla Chow and distracted the monster away from the kid. Sure, a dart full of Vodka that takes fifteen minutes to work wouldn’t piss off that big Ape and send him on a rampage. Didn’t you see Pierre Boulle’s masterpiece? Tranquilizing that gorilla, Harambe, Macgilla or whatever his damn name was, could have sparked off the Great Ape uprising that would have the potential to end all human life on this planet.
Personally I would have held out for a Taser gun or something with more entertainment value.
The bottom lines are: first, hold on to your damn offspring at the zoo if you don’t want him/her wandering off and getting mauled. Secondly, how dare you come down on the zoo officials for shooting the animal when the child could have been killed. Imagine for a moment if it was your brat. All the bleeding heart animal rights activists would probably shoot the ape themselves if their precious spawn was in danger.
Of course you knew I would have an idea or two on the subject.
If you are a parent and you don’t keep your kid firmly under control in potentially dangerous situations, you are probably too stupid to have children anyway. If all these dangerous zoo animals had the chance to eat a few low IQ visitors a week we would all be better off anyway. For us intelligent and pragmatic people there would be fewer dumbasses walking around we have to deal with. The zoo would save a ton of cash buying Gorilla Chow, and there would be fewer people to vote for Bernie Sanders in the up coming election farce.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
The what? What the hell are you ranting about now Chuckie?
I’ll tell you.
No this isn’t another tropical election year flu that threatens to destroy the human race for the sake of votes. You know the kind I am talking about. This isn’t some self absorbed dictator of a third world country who pissed in our corn flakes. This is a real live country I’m talking about.
Never heard of Nauru? I’m not surprised.
Nauru is a microscopic country in the South Pacific Ocean just north of Australia. It is the third smallest country in the world. Only the Vatican and Monaco are smaller. Since it’s an election year they need to be attacked and invaded. We obviously can’t attack the pope and his cronies. The casinos and Grand Prix in Monaco are world famous so they get a pass. Besides, Grace Kelly liked Monaco enough to marry their leader and that’s good enough for me.
You heard me correctly. Nauru. They are a threat to the people of the world and we should expend billions of dollars and at least 5 or 6 lives to "ate" them. I mean of course, decimate, obliterate, incinerate, conquerate their land and then re-educate and re-locate their population. There are hundreds of people incarcerated on Nauru from the Australian penal system. I am sure some of them were falsely imprisoned somehow. One unjustly drunken condemned Aussie is reason enough to attackerate them and confiscate their wealth and violate their three (3) attractive women. I seriously doubt they have transgender friendly bathrooms either. We must do something about this terrible human rights violation.
It pains me to tears even thinking about these inhumane living conditions. I have feelings after all.
At a little over 8 square miles and around ten thousand (10,000) people we could be done by lunchtime. Of course, due to it’s distance from the US mainland and the proximity of the next election we would have a perfect excuse for drawing out the conflict for at least 4 years, or another presidential term. I am sure there are a couple of tents and a few pick-up trucks we could send half a dozen two billion dollar stealth bombers to drop thousands of fifty thousand dollar bombs on.
Nauru doesn't have an air force, Nauru doesn't have an army or navy. The Girl Scouts could infiltrate, invaderate and captureate them.
They even drive on the opposite side of the road than we do. That in itself should be reason enough to fully commit our armed forces and bankrupt our economy prior to an election. Just think about what would happen if all their people illegally snuck into the United States and started driving on the wrong side of the road, during rush hour no less. Wikipedia claims that the native Nauruans are the most overweight people in the world. Over 40% of the population is afflicted with type II Diabetes. So not only could we introduce them to more healthy mastication, we could also make a fortune selling them over priced Diabetes medication and supplies.
Erecting a wall along the entire west coast of the United States would cost far to much in treasure and human lives especially if we couldn’t use illegal Mexican immigrants as cheap labor. No sir. Full scale, unrestricted all out warfare is the only answer.
But once again, as always, no one will heed my warnings about this, or any, horrific threat to our way of life. The Chinese and Russians have already pumped millions of dollars of foreign aid into Nauru. Nauru even has their own airplane now. Not some little Cessna or Piper Cub. No Sir. They have one (1) brand new 737 and a runway to operate it from.
After all, didn't President Clinton fire cruise missiles at Albania back in 1999. Forgot about that already? That is why I am here to remind you. Always remember: History repeats itself. Especially stupid history.
Just watch the news in the next few months before the election. You will see that once again I am correct.
Monday, May 23, 2016
Here we go again. It’s election time in the United States. How can you tell? Pretty easy actually. Another potentially earth shattering, world ending virus has popped up that we need to spend billions on to distract voters from the political circus we are all forced to endure.
Think about it for a minute. Swine Flu, Avian (bird) Flu, SARS, Mad Cow Disease, Ebola and now the Zika Virus. I can’t wait for them to declare an outbreak of Okeechobee Possum Flu. I wonder how much that will cost us?
Me cynical? You bet your sweet ass I am. How many Americans died from Ebola in the last major world outbreak? Maybe a handful? One or two in the US came down with it and the rest were aid workers who voluntarily went into the infected region to combat the disease. So basically the panic and insanity that issued was a complete waste of time. Funny how these terrible diseases don’t really gain a foothold where modern medicine and high quality medical care is available.
Look at Bird Flu. Millions of chickens have died. If it crosses over to humans it could be a disaster. Mad Cow Disease is the same story. If humans contract it we are all goners. Or so the government and the press would have you believe. Somehow we are all still alive. Must be because our politicians are on guard defending us and spending more and more of our tax dollars.
Zika Virus is the exact same story. People in under developed countries have come down with a disease that could cause microcephaly (decreased head and brain size) in some children born from mothers who contracted the virus. What a horrible tragedy. Anytime a baby is sick it sort of grabs us and twists our insides into knots. The media and government are aware of this human trait and exploit the shit out of it.
Am I a sick bastard for pointing this out? Well, Maybe. But considering how many infants die in under developed countries with inadequate medical care and facilities in equatorial regions anyway may shed some light on how trivial this “epidemic” really is at this point in time.
And now the government of the United States of America has it’s knickers in a twist over this supposed potential pandemic threat. So far, as of 23 May 2016, not one case in the US has been confirmed that was transferred via mosquito. Every case to date here is travel related. A few cases have been confirmed via sexual contact with infected people who traveled to the outbreak’s region. but no one so far in the US has acquired Zika Virus from a local insect bite. It's not even known yet if mosquitos native to the United States can even spread the virus.
More people will die of Leprosy world wide this year than Zika Virus. More people will die of Scurvy this year than Zika Virus. Far more children will die this year from furniture falling on them than people who will die from the Zika Virus. Can you even imagine how many people die from drowning every year?
If we were serious about combating this mortal threat to humanity we would bring back the widespread use of the insecticide Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane. More commonly known as DDT. DDT works quite well at eradicating mosquito populations. It is estimated that DDT could save almost a million human lives a year if it wasn’t banned back in the early seventies and eighties. Sure a few Bald Eagles and other predatory bird species were shown to have elevated levels of the chemical in their systems and some thinning of their subsequent egg shells, but is that really a concern when we are facing the potential extinction of the human race? (A little over dramatic on purpose to make the point).
Once again we are being intentionally distracted by a seemingly minor epidemic during an election season where far more important issues and concerns beg our attention.
A shame we can’t spray for politicians. They are far more destructive and annoying than any insect that I know of…..
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Well now this is gonna be interesting.
In Puerto Rico senator Bernie Sanders is trying to drum up support to win the 40 delegates the island’s democrat party will be sending to their national nominating convention.
In typical say anything to get the idiots to vote for me fashion, he promised the same old thing he’s been spewing to the uneducated American public his whole campaign, He promises lower taxes, higher minimum wages, free college, free health care and free everything else you can imagine, our favorite socialist is also saying we should make Puerto Rico the 51st state!
So lets see here, Bernie is spending campaign dollars to waste time in Puerto Rico hunting delegates? Does anyone really believe he will ever go back there? Puerto Rico residents can’t even vote in the US presidential election! He will say ANYTHING to win the primary delegates and then he will vanish like Casper the Friendly Ghost! Does he think kissing the Puerto Rican's asses will give him a chance to win New York state in the general election? Even though there are more PuertoRicans in New York than Puerto Rico it still won't be enough to matter.
The new and interesting twist is that Bernie thinks we should take on Puerto Rico as our newest state. Is this just a desperate delegate hunting promise or does this fool really want to assume and/or forgive Puerto Rico’s massive debt that they have just defaulted on? How do we accomplish that? Our whole country is over nineteen trillion dollars ($19,000,000,000,000.00) in debt already. That number takes up more space numerically than alphabetically! Does this guy really think we/they are going to fall for this?
I guess you can promise a fool anything and he will believe it these days. The democrats have been making insane promises to the poor forever and the poor never get anywhere. THEY ARE STILL POOR! They are no better off than they were before, but every election cycle it’s always the same promises to the same people with the same outcomes.
The last time I felt the “Burn” was when Carl and I dated the same girl from Alaska who was staying in our coed dorm one summer in college. I went out with her Friday night, Carl took her out Saturday night. She flew home after the Volleyball camp on Sunday morning and on the following Friday Carl and I both got huge penicillin shots in the ass to show for it! Luckily, it was only non-specific urethritis (NSU) and not the more serious gonorrhea. It took almost a week for us both to “Feel the Burn” but the lesson was clear.
We were infatuated by what looked good on the outside, something that looked and felt good at first and we were both screwed quite well. The burning pain came afterwards when we realized what we had gotten into.
I really hope the American public doesn’t get to “Feel the Bern” the way Carl and I did.
That wasn’t any fun at all and I can’t imagine feeling it for a full four year presidential term…..
Monday, May 16, 2016
***** Caution: Adult Themes and Language*****
Oh yeah, You read that right.
It looks like President Dumb-Shit will soon be making another executive appointment. This time this constitution violating appointment will be for the new head of the federal Pecker Checker Office.
The head of the new PCO will be in charge of making sure every public school in America complies with the new transgender decree the Obama administration has dreamt up. Every public school in this once great and proud country of ours will now be required to let students use which ever bathroom or locker room they wish depending on the gender they feel like belonging to.
Yup, you read it correctly. If you are a “person” of high school age who happens to have a penis attached to your area where genitals hang out (cute huh!) you will now be allowed to use which ever restroom or locker room you choose. We have to protect your rights as an individual and make sure we don’t offend you after all. We want you to know that we care about what you think.
I thought TransGendered meant you had a sex change operation and physically became a member of the opposite sex, not just a crossdresser who likes to wear the other genders clothing. I couldn't wear sexy women's underwear any way as I would be arrested for walking around sporting a tent from all that sexy satin and silk constantly rubbing on Mr. Happy.
So this means that after a spirited practice on the football field where the young people with male appendages are all worked up into a testosterone induced frenzy, will get to peel off their jock straps and head off into the persons with vaginas locker room and take their showers if they want to.
Sound like a good idea to you? Innocent enough? I don’t think so.
Now I don’t care what people have under or in their pants, skirts, kilts, kimonos or what ever the hell they cover their middle sections with. I really don’t. And if a hot looking person with a vagina wants to enter the restroom I am currently using and do his/her business it’s no skin off of my nose (yuck!)
I just am not sure how intelligent it is to allow or encourage young people, or anyone for that matter, to invade the realm of those sporting different reproductive equipment for the purpose of eliminating their bodily waste fluids or materials.
Damn! It’s exhausting trying to think up ways to say this without using offensive terms like male, female, dick or twat and I’m not going to do it anymore.
Everyone has heard of cases where children have been lured into public restrooms and abducted or molested. High school girls and cheerleaders are sexually assaulted far more often than you might think or is reported. What kind of stupid fucked up thinking would in anyways condone or legally try and protect such a stupid policy? Is coming up with such an asinine and potentially disastrous policy really make sense in order to win over the pervert vote in November? Is this really going to become a campaign issue? Are there really that many perverts registered to vote out there?
Hope and change was a very catchy slogan. Lots of people fell for it. Just ask Bruce Jenner, or whatever the fuck it’s name is now, how it feels about it. Do you really want that walking up to a urinal at a restroom in a football stadium and pulling out it’s prick to take a leak next to your ten year old son? Hell, does it even have a prick now? That’s a pretty disgusting and expensive surgical procedure. I guess we will find out when it poses nude in Sports Illustrated later this year. (Double Yuck)
To be honest, I really don’t give a shit where anyone pees. But I don’t have pretty young daughters to worry about either. My wife is a nurse and we have two machetes. Enough said there.
Regardless of what your birth certificate says or how you feel, If you are sporting a penis, no matter how big or small, use the men’s (penis equipped) room. If you have a vagina, you use the room designated for those with that form of plumbing more commonly referred to as the ladies room. Wanna pee with the ladies? Go spend the cash and get yourself a custom made vagina.
Shit, I’ll bet Obamacare would pay for it. Hell, our backwards thinking asshole government may even spend our taxpayer dollars to subsidize it for you.....