Sunday, November 29, 2009

Cyber-Monday? Are You Kidding Me?

I’m watching Fox News and they are talking about how great this years “Cyber-Monday” is going to be. How excited they are that we will spend millions of dollars on line tomorrow. And the bargains we will get! Think of all the money we will save on all that shit we don’t need!

Are you kidding me?

When you bought something on the internet this year how did you pay for it? You just dropped some cash from your wallet into the scanner next to your computer and fired it off right?


You put it on your credit card. That’s right, your credit card.

Unemployment is now over 10% and the nations economy is in the tank. We are looking at a 12 trillion national debt and darker economic times than the Great Depression brought us.

But not you. You are so well off these days that you can put that new Playstation on your credit card at some God awful interest rate. Kid screaming for a new bicycle or maybe a brand new laptop? Not a problem. Whip out that plastic baby! It’s the American way. UPS will have it at your door in a week, (if they decide to deliver it at all).

And when the bills come in or get to be too big for you to handle just pick up the phone and call some asshole lawyer and declare bankruptcy. Or maybe even one of those sleezebag lawyers who run a clinic to get you out of IRS problems.

Here’s an idea for your debt problems in this Brave New America. Just claim that someone stole your identity. Simple, easy and best of all you are trendy and chic. Just think of how cool your friends will think you are. Be the first on your block!

OK dumbass, Time to wake up and face reality.

If you want shop on the internet this “Cyber-Monday” go ahead and do it. Just use a debit card. That way you can only spend as much money as you have. What a concept, spending only as much as you can afford.

And make sure you get a Playstation 3, or a new Fujitsu laptop please. This way when you have to sell it all to me for less than half price to cover your electric bill I can have the ones I want.

And can afford.......

Friday, November 27, 2009

Inflation Without Viagra……..

I remember when ten dollars was a lot of money. Sure I was a kid, but $10.00 would buy you the world. My first transistor radio from Radio Shack was $10.00.

The United States of America’s proposed budget for next year (fy 2010) is 4.1 trillion dollars.

So what?

We throw around numbers these days without any comprehension as to their real size

A million is a huge number. It’s a thousand thousand. Pretty simple.
A billion is a thousand million. Getting pretty big now.
A trillion is a thousand Billion. Holy Crap!

Do you have any idea how big a trillion of anything is?

If you could spend one million dollars every day since the day Jesus Christ was born you would not yet be at a trillion dollars.

If you could fill the Big House (University of Michigan’s 100,000 seat football stadium) and give everyone inside a thousand dollars, and then you did that every weekend for a full year it would take you more than one hundred ninety two years to get to a trillion dollars.

Let’s say the average dollar bill is right at six inches long. If you took one trillion dollars and lined them up end to end you could stretch them all the way around the Earth. Three thousand seven hundred eighty seven (3,787) times.

One trillion dollars stretched end to end would more than reach from the Earth to the Sun.

If your heart beats an average of 65 times a minute it would take you twenty nine thousand two hundred and seventy years (29,270) to reach a trillion heart beats.

Starting to get the picture?

As of right now. The US Census estimates the US population to be 308,032,676 people. Give each of us our share of a trillion dollars. That’s 3,246 dollars per person. And our proposed budget is 4.1 times that number.

I wonder how much money will be spent today, Black Friday 2009, in the US?

I’ll bet you is doesn’t add up to anywhere near a trillion dollars.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What I Hate About Arizona…..

Forget the fact that you can find the vodka in the orange juice isle at the grocery store. I also like that you can carry a gun in public in the open.

What a fantastic place to live.

The worst part about living in Arizona is that it is next to California.

I suppose the state itself, the soil and the water; the coastline and the sky are not to blame. It’s just the mindless human occupants of the land that are the problem.

The residents of California are a pox on the human race and pretty much to stupid to be alive. It gives me tremendous satisfaction to watch them suffer though their current budget crisis as well as the occasional earthquake and wildfires.

Don’t get me wrong here. I don’t especially want to see anyone killed or hurt, but when you build a house on top of an active earthquake fault, or rebuild your hugely over priced mansion on top of the ashes of the one that burned down last year in a canyon prone to wildfire I have a difficult time opening my sympathy valve, or my wallet.

I like how these multi-millionaire mansion owners in the California hills are just as mentally deficient as the folks who live in New Orleans, below sea level, who think the government should take care of them when their property floods after a hurricane.

Those dumb asses voted years ago to cap energy costs so when oil prices rose their utility companies couldn’t raise the prices for their customers. So they had to have rolling blackouts as they couldn’t purchase electricity from other utilities out of state without breaking the law.

Did you know that the idiot environmental nut cases out there have made it so that in some areas of the state you cannot even grill a steak in your own backyard on a charcoal grill?

Now they have passed a bill that will limit the energy that your TV can use. Televisions up to fifty-eight inches will have limits on how much electricity they can draw. I’m not making this up! I don’t think even I could make up something this dumb, and I’m pretty good at thinking up dumb ideas.

California is the entertainment capitol of the world. A well deserved title in my opinion. I get entertained every time I see those people bend over and hump themselves.

I just don’t want to pay for it……

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Blue Tooth….

For those of you who haven’t known me very long, I haven’t always been the cool, suave and debonair professional man of the world I appear to be now.

Yes, Chuckie was once a wild man in his own special way. Whether it was incinerating pigs, hurling bowling balls huge distances, brewing amazingly fresh beer, or building geodesic domes, old Chuckie seems to march to the beat of a different, yet dyslexic drummer.

If your body is a canvas, mine would be blank. I have no tattoos and no piercings. Just a few really sexy surgical scars that make for interesting conversations when I wear my Speedo.

So I had this bright idea at the dentist’s office to have an impending crown (almost $1,000 worth) dyed blue. Why not? I’m paying for the bastard. Why camouflage it the same color as all my other teeth? I see numerous people with all sorts of God awful ugly gold teeth walking around. I couldn’t afford a diamond insert like that bad guy Stone in the Remo Williams flick.

My dentist told me of the new process where he could dye this new material that he can make a crown out of. It’s like a glaze and a kiln process for pottery. After six firings it was ready. He glued that bastard in and I was the first person in recorded history to have a Blue Tooth! (We even called the company that developed the process to check)

Damn it was beautiful. It was a molar so I had to point it out to you, but it was there and it was all mine. I was finally a unique individual!

It cracked and broke a month later. Apparently the constant re-heating to get the color dark enough (Royal Blue) weakened the material and it just broke in half one day while I was stripping a wire with my teeth.

Now I have a gold crown, which has turned out to be one hell of an investment. And the keyboard and mouse I am using on my new iMac are running on Blue Tooth software.

And you didn’t think I was an amazing guy.....

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The ECP…........

What I need is peace in my life.

I see old guys tying flies for fishing and they seem at peace. I see old guys whittling on pine sticks all day long and they seem at peace. The Mexicans next door tear apart their Chevys. Jigsaw puzzles to reading two thousand year old religious ghost stories seem to put some people at peace.

I envy these people, I really do.

So far in my 49 years of existence I haven’t found anything that really lets my mind drift off into a peaceful haze. Sailing gets close. It’s a bit of work and awfully expensive to charter a half million dollar yacht in the Caribbean, but it gets close. Chemical release just doesn’t seem to cut it for me. The days in college being narced out of my mind in the bottom of a swmming pool with scuba gear on are long past.

My fondest memories as a child were when we went to Aunt DeeDee’s cottage on Lake Pocotopaug in Connecticut. We would get up early in the morning and paddle the old Grumman aluminum canoe out to the sinking island and gather blueberries by the bucket full. Mom would do the blueberry pie thing and I got fat. Except for the summer thunderstorms there, those were the happiest and mot carefree days I can remember.

So a canoe it is.

A new Grumman 17 runs about $1,200.00 and weighs about 66 pounds

A new Kevlar 17 about $2,500.00 and weighs about 44 pounds.

I live in south Florida so I need something alligator proof. From what I am told, no canoe can stand up to a 17 foot long horny male alligator looking to mate or kill, or God forbid both! Florida (being the backwards ass state that it is) will not let you shoot a gator even in self defense.

I have thought about having Tabasco sauce mixed into the Kevlar epoxy resin for a light weight foul tasting craft. But bad taste would require the beast to strike first. That seems like a moot point to me.

So I need some sort of Star Trek like force field around my canoe. I have been toying with the idea of an electric field of some sort. Something like Captain Nemo shocked that giant octopus with. I’m still working out the details of a high powered current in the water while I am sitting in an aluminum boat. After all, the idea here is to repel dinosaurs and not become a human flashbulb.

I’m looking for peace, not the ultimate deep black sleep of death. I could get that by skipping my Plavix….

Sunday, October 25, 2009


The ants go marching one by one Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching one by one Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching one by one, they all march off to Raulerson

And they all go marching on hospital grounds cause they know they’re safe.

Boom Boom Boom

The ants go marching two by two Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching two by two Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching two by two, they don’t even stop at the ICU

And they all keep marching on hospital grounds cause they know they’re safe

Boom Boom Boom

The ants go marching three by three Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching three by three Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching three by three through the ER cause they know that it’s free

And they all keep marching on hospital grounds cause they know that they’re safe

Boom Boom Boom

The ants go marching four by four Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching four by four Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching four by four they march right through the X-ray door

And they all keep marching on hospital grounds cause they know that they’re safe

Boom Boom Boom

The ants go marching five by five Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching five by five Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching five by five they're the only one who will survive

And they all keep marching on hospital grounds cause they know that they’re safe

Boom Boom Boom

The ants go marching six by six Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching six by six Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching six by six a shame as it would be easy to fix

And they all keep marching on hospital grounds cause they know that they’re safe

Boom Boom Boom

I can’t think of a rime for seven

The ants go marching eight by eight Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching eight by eight Hurrah, Hurrah

The ants go marching eight by eight if only they would fumigate

The patients would be happy as they could sleep at night

Without being bitten to death

Boom Boom Boom.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wolf, Wolf!

I suppose you could blame it on my parents. Dad went to a military prep school then into the Coast Guard. Mom was one of those practical Yankees. They were prepared for any and everything. Ice storms, hurricanes, broken ankles, you name it they had it covered.

I would like to think I inherited the best parts of them both.

My time as a disaster specialist with the Red Cross contributed to this condition/phobia as well.

Sometimes it drives me a little mad.

“We all go a little mad every now and then” Norman Bates once said.

I try to prepare for everything I can think of. I live in South Florida, I have a generator ready to go. A barrel in the garage to fill with fuel, a couple of 18 gallon Rubbermaid containers filled with food. I even have a water filter so I can make fresh water from the lake or even a puddle.

And don’t even think of coming down my street with designs of stealing my TV. Without revealing any specifics, let’s just say we have substantial firepower to thwart any looters with nefarious thoughts. We could probably repel a small invading country.

Some of my neighbors haven’t even bought a candle. They leave their crap in the front yard even though one hundred mile per hour winds are forecast and sit outside swilling Budweiser while everything falls to pieces around them.

Remember the story about the boy who cried wolf? Do you remember what happened to all the people who heeded his every warning and ran inside to protect themselves?

Nothing, nothing at all. They all survived and lived to tell the story.

There are times I wish the disasters I have prepared for all my life would actually happen. Sure it’s a sick thought, but just once I would like all those dumbasses who laughed at me and drank beer while I prepared to learn a lesson or two.

And I wish the state of Florida would cut me a substantial check for protecting them from this hurricane season. You see, when I prepare for a disaster it never materializes. That’s part of the curse of being Chuckie. I buy a generator and stock up on supplies and nothing happens. Dad says that that is the idea. He is a kind and thoughtful man. I love him for it.

But oh how nice it would feel to be sipping on a frozen margarita in my nice air conditioned house, with the lights on and a washing machine full of clean underwear, machine gun at my side, while my smartass redneck looser neighbors stand in line for a bag of ice and a gallon of water from the National Guard truck.

It is a dream I have………….

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Morning Sunshine……

Chances are one of the most talented and beautiful women on the planet has said this to you at one time or another.

Yes, I am talking about Robin Meade of Headline News’s morning show

Gorgeous, intelligent, vivacious with a twinkle in her eye, she could tell you the world is ending and you would still feel warm and fuzzy hearing the horrific news.

Wifey, understandably, hates her. I’ll bet half the women in America hate her as well. I’ve noticed that 95% of the women on the planet hate the other 5% who are a size two or smaller.

Today Robin told me that the economy was getting better because the first time unemployment numbers were 30,000 (thirty thousand) less than last week. She even winked at me when she said it.

Sneaky Bitch.

If you analyze these numbers a few things might surprise and scare you.

For example:

If a half a million people are filing new unemployment claims every week we are looking at close to two million new unemployed people a month. This has been going on for almost a year. And thirty thousand (30,000) less this week means things are getting better? Are you kidding me?

Doesn’t this mean that the pool of employed people who are eligible to be fired is getting smaller? This means the percentage of working people getting the axe each week is actually growing.

Unemployment, for the most part, is paid by the employer who let you go. Sometimes the government steps in to help. And if you were fired for cause, like pissing off your boss or stealing from the company, you get denied. So these numbers you hear on the Boob Tube (Pun intended) don’t even account for the assholes were fired for being assholes.

After meeting my best friend Joe, I learned how long, and expensive, thirty seconds of television time can be. This morning Robin spent three minutes pushing her merchandise. She has a new book out, coffee mugs and T-shirts for sale.

Maybe we should have a few of those big ugly older Russian women who dress like Sergeant Shultz doing our news.

At least the content they are spewing might have more relevance to you than the "newsbabe’s" plunging neckline…..

Saturday, October 3, 2009

B-Complex on the High Seas…..

Ahhhhh, There’s nothing like the morning after depression you get when you have just come back from an insanely fun cruise vacation.

Cruise memories in no specific order:

The ship being four and a half hours late leaving Miami due to being hit by lightning.

Carlos and Charlie’s being EMPTY for dinner due to a driving rainstorm during dinner.

The adults only hot tub and sun lounge, promenade deck aft.

The amazing band Wifey danced too until 2 AM the first evening.

Being ahead $145.00 at roulette for the trip, The Big Ugly Bet hit 7 out of 10 times.

Wifey being up $80.00 on the slot machines for the trip

I enjoyed the 17 shrimp cocktail appetizers I consumed before the three dinners we ate in the main dining room on the ship, (Four per cup)

Fresh Dos Equis on tap at Las Palmeras with the chicken enchiladas for lunch.

We love the sexy new Citizen watches we bought. Wifey got a gold ladies Eco-Drive chronograph, a very rare and pretty timepiece.

Our amazing cabin steward Slamet and how well he took care of us.

The gay little cruise director Karl (with a K) from London. yuck!

Breakfast in bed every morning was wonderful.

The new friends we met in the dining room, future cruise buddies?

I love the all you can drink soft drink card. What a deal.

Not seeing the waterspouts off the port bow our last morning at sea.

Not seeing the other Carnival ship slam into the Royal Caribbean ship in Cozumel.

I have mixed feelings about Margaritaville opening 3 blocks from Carlos & Charlie’s.

Staying on the ship in Key West while the tourists all go ashore, a relaxing idea.

All of these memories compel me to think about doing another “Chuckiefest at Sea”. We had more than twenty couples on that 3 day cruise and it was an amazing time. We received a special rate due to the number of cabins we booked and everyone partied until it hurt. Well almost everyone. One participant was just a tad bit too pregnant to enjoy herself completely. Good thing to as the kid turned out great!

Anyone out there interested in doing this one more time? I am sure Peggy would love to put a deal together for us again. Email me at with ideas, questions and most importantly dates and destinations you would like for us to consider. It’s been too long since we all got together.

Time to scare the world once more!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

How I Spent Last Monday Morning………

I had to attend the HCAHPS training at work.

Hospital Consumer Assessment of Health Care Providers and Systems.

Commonly referred to as the Hiccups Class, this little jewel is only a taste of the bureaucratic nightmare universal healthcare promises to bring us.

Let’s say you live in the projects. You don’t have a job and obviously don’t have health insurance. You live on the green welfare check and food stamps and buy whatever drugs you can afford with what you get breaking into houses at night.

You develop chest pain and call 911 on your new $300.00 iPhone.

You are rushed to the hospital in an ambulance with advanced life support and are treated at the hospital. After thousands of dollars of lab tests, x-rays, ct scans and IV therapy you spend a few days admitted for observation. Then you are released with a handful of expensive prescriptions and detailed instructions on how you should eat and change some of your lifestyles so you can live a healthier life.

You were abusive and foul mouthed to the staff of the hospital. You were combative and cussed out the doctors and nurses during your entire stay. At times you were violent and even spat on your health care providers. You even accused them of not caring for you properly because of your skin color.

Two weeks go by and you get a call from someone from the government asking you questions about your hospitalization. You told him/her how horrible your care was and that you felt you were not treated correctly. The food wasn’t delivered on time and they had the nerve to wake you up to draw blood or give you your medications at night. He thanks you and hangs up.

Since you are jobless and on relief your Medicaid benefits would cover all the procedures.

Wrong! You answers to that survey show you had a “Patient Complaint” and the government, the one everyone else’s taxes pay for, refuses to pay the bill. The hospital, doctors, nurses and everyone else that used their years of training and highly specialized skills to save your worthless life and put up with your childish shit for three days gets nothing. Repeat NOTHING.

What, you have a job, pay your bills and taxes, live in a nice house you work hard for, and are a decent and upstanding citizen in your community? You have heath insurance from work or privately purchased and gladly make the co-payments for the finest health care system in the world?

You’re screwed. You have to pay your bills. You may get a chance to answer this survey, but you still have to pay. Only the lowest members of the societal food chain, the worst of the scumbags get this kind of world class customer service in this Brave New America. Hell, you can be arrested for pirating cable in this country. It’s called Theft of Service. But you can complain your way out of thousands of dollars of hospital bills by being an asshole? While everyone who works hard and is responsible has to pay for it?

OK, I am posting about what goes on in my industry here, a major taboo. I know this isn’t a smart topic to tackle but someone’s gotta say it and it might as well be me. Besides if they terminate my employment I just might have a shot at some of this free healthcare myself.

I hope I live long enough to see how this horror movie ends………..

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Money Grubbing, Blood Sucking Bastards……..

If you had the cure for cancer or at least an effective treatment for the disease, would you price gouge it’s victims for the treatments?


Some companies are making a killing off of those of us inflicted with this disease.

The Diabetes equipment manufacturing companies are blood sucking sub-human life forms.

According to the ADA, there are 23.6 million children and adults in the United States, or 7.8% of the population affected by this horrible disease.

Why am I so down on the Blood Glucose Meter manufacturers?

Let’s see here. A little math is required, bare with me.

A single Accu-Check Soft Click Diabetes test strip weighs .0085 oz. That’s about 117 strips per ounce. A bottle of 100 strips cost over $100.00 depending on your retailer and demographics. So therefore the brand of Diabetes test strips I use cost $1,882.35 per pound.

The Space Shuttle weighs in at about 4.5 million pounds at take off. The cost for those beasts is 2.1 billion dollars each according to NASA.

The shuttle cost $466.66 dollars per pound. One third the cost of my test strips per pound.

The drug companies at least have research and development costs plus all the time and regulatory hoops they have to jump through to justify the cost of the new medicines they bring to market. I don’t begrudge them that at all.

But the test equipment manufacturers set up the machines and push the button and out flows the cash. "Test yourselves 6 times a day" says the high paid spokesman on the TV. Sure at a dollar a shot. I wonder how much he makes per endorsement?

This is why we need to defeat this disease once and for all. Give what you can to the American Diabetes Association. Help defeat the disease and put the whammy on those who profit from it.

No wonder they give away those free glucose meters everywhere. Sort of like the local heroin dealer giving away free samples.

Friday, August 28, 2009

If You Are Not Scared Yet…..

You are not paying attention.

You can go to and report your neighbors for saying and thinking things against the government.

The FBI was in the local gun store in Okeechobee asking about anyone who might be saying controversial things about the government and/or the President.

The federal government forced out the CEO and head of General Motors and replaced him with someone they wanted in charge of one of America’s largest businesses.

The government is requiring the 50 largest private insurance companies to report their salaries for their top executives and the expenses they incur doing business.

The President has appointed a pay Czar to check into the compensation that all private industries pay their top executives.

The federal government has the power to enter your home, search your property, and leave without even telling you they were there.

The federal government promised car dealers $4,500.00 dollars in incentive money per clunker turned in. When the dealers go to the website to fill out the paperwork for their promised payment(within ten days) the disclaimer they had to agree to basically gives the government the ability to monitor and own any data on the computer the dealership used. That means access to your personal data you provided to buy the vehicle. The government hasn’t even reimbursed these car dealers yet.

Now the federal government wants to administer our healthcare. They would be in control of enough money to colonize the planet Mars and put an NFL franchise there. And they can’t even pay out $4,500.00 owed per car in a bailout plan that they already set the money aside for?

And now, the 55 page Senate bill # S-773 would grant the President of the United States the power to shut down the internet and “locally controlled private networks” in the event of a “CyberSecurity-Emergency” This bill has been initiated by Senator Jay Rockefeller a Democrat from West Virginia. It also allows the federal government the right to “Map certain private computer networks” in order to prepare for any supposed attacks on our country. They cite the same powers President Bush used to ground every single aircraft in the United States the day of September 11th 2001.

I am not bashing the Democratic party here. Some of these issues were passed by the last Republican administration. The point is, all of our government officials are in cahoots. They are more interested in building their own little empires and fortunes than doing their jobs. Their primary mission, in case they forgot, is to represent you and your wishes and concerns in Washington.

Sweet Dreams America. I wonder when and where we are going to wake up……

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Brave New World Redux……

Washington DC, USA. Today the Obama Administration announced strict new limits on production and controls of Carbon emissions.

“Since human beings are the second worse offenders on the planet (after the flatulent bovine species) it is important that we impose newer and tougher Carbon standards on the American public” The President stated.

These new standards limit the total amount of Carbon emissions allowed per person. Automobiles will only be allowed to operate for 15 minutes a day, Electricity for heating and cooking will be on for 15 minutes per day. Household thermostats will be set at 90 degrees in the summer and 36 degrees in the winter.

The most controversial measure mentioned in the official report seems to be the idea that all Americans will have a Carbon Emission Meter (CEM) implanted in their chests. This device will allow the federal government the ability to monitor the levels of Carbon Dioxide each American creates when exhaling.

Exhaling is considered an important component of the breathing process.

The report goes on to say that this device will also give the government the ability to control the respiratory rates of the public in order to control the levels of dangerous Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi commented, “This will be a great tool for members of congress to control the tone and attitudes of their electorate during over enthusiastic and vocal town meetings.

The President’s new Health and Eugenics Czar, Dr. Josef Mengele stated: “Another benefit of the CEM will be the government’s ability to control health care costs for the new Single Payer Government Health Care Program. We will be able to remotely shut down members of this great society who are no longer productive and are a drain on the government’s health care resources.”

The only drawback to the system identified by the report would be the threat that computer hackers would be able to shut down the members of congress and even the President himself. Dr. Mengele responded; ”Don’t be silly. Members of congress and key members of the Obama Administration would not have the new implants. You don’t expect that the leaders of this new and reformed America to subject themselves to the same rules and regulations that the little people have do you?”

Aldous Huxley would be proud…….

Monday, August 24, 2009

It’s a Matter of Trust…………

Our Dipshit President says you can keep your employer based insurance plan if you choose. If you loose those benefits you can get the new government insurance plan.

We’re screwed now.

You employer likes to have you working for him/her. You make them money. Some employers provide health insurance for their employes. You may have to pay a portion of it, but your employer pays far more per insured person than you realize. The average is about $1,500.00 per month. You might pay a hundred or so. For a family maybe your portion is $300.00 or so. Either way it’s one hell of a deal.

So imagine a scenario where your employer can drop your insurance because you can be insured by the government. He gets to pocket at least an extra $15,000 (that’s fifteen grand) per year and do you think you are going to see that money in a raise? Are you kidding me? What sort of fantasy land do you live in? Do you really expect the wizard to take you back to Kansas in his magical balloon?

Dream on you Obama voting idiot. You wanted change, well things more often change for the worse. It’s simply the second law of thermodynamics. Entropy increases with time. Translation: Things get worse as time goes on, or achieve a higher level of disorder.

But that’s right, I forgot. You slept, or smoked dope or screwed your way through high school. You took music appreciation and gym classes instead of history and physics. And now you have the right to vote. Just like someone who studied hard and made themselves an intelligent, productive member of society.

The meek are inheriting the earth after all. They are being led by the idiots and condoned by the apathetic…….

Friday, August 21, 2009

And We Don’t Nuke Them Because?

Where were you on the 21st of December 1988?

Reading this proves you were not aboard Pan Am flight 103 over Lockerbie Scotland.

259 people from 21 different countries were murdered that evening when their 747 was blown out of the sky by a terrorist’s bomb. Some of the victims were so badly burned they were never identified. Passenger lists and personal belongings were the only way to know who actually died that evening.

Yesterday the only convicted organizer of this horrific tragedy was released from jail in Scotland after serving eight years for his crime. He was released on “compassionate grounds” Supposedly he was released for humanitarian reasons as he has contracted terminal prostate cancer and is dying.

Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi was serving a life sentence for his crime of killing 259 people including 189 Americans. Two of whom were the grandparents of a friend of mine. Eleven more people were killed on the ground as well.

This piece of human filth was welcomed as a national hero when he got off the plane in Libya. The crowd was cheering and waving flags for their hero’s arrival.

He served roughly twelve days in prison for each of the 270 people he murdered. People he didn’t even know.

How much money do we give to Scotland every year in foreign aide? How many tourist dollars do we spend watching these assholes march around in skirts and throw telephone poles in fields covered in cow shit? I know everyone in Scotland isn’t an asshole like their Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill is. I’m just mad is all.

Sue me

It’s a good thing I’m not in charge. I would blockade and starve Scotland until they get rid of their dipshit Justice Minister and I would have timed my attack on Libya to coincide with the murders arrival. We spend billions on pest control a year in this country. Maybe we should spread a little overseas.

We should have incinerated all that vermin in Libya with one nuclear chip shot from a nearby ballistic missile submarine.

It’s not like anyone would miss them……….

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Blinking Green LED……

Last Thursday was a normal day. I made dinner for Wifey, got her off to work and went to bed around 7:30. I awoke about 10pm feeling a little stiff in my chest and checked my blood sugar. 115. Not really low but I decided to eat something B4 I went to bed. Waking up with a 50 or 60 isn’t any fun.

I tried to get back to sleep but the chest pain kept getting worse.

I called Wifey at the ER and tried to make chit-chat. She didn’t buy it for a minute. I told her I was coming in and would be there in a bit. I changed clothes and drove to the hospital. My chest hurt like hell and the ER staff swarmed all over me. They were amazing, they saved my life and comforted Wifey as well. It was decided that I should go to Lawnwood Hospital in Ft. Pierce for a heart cath.

I got to ride in the back of an ambulance as a patient. I like it better sitting in the chair rather then being strapped to the gurney.

The Lawnwood ER staff was fast, efficient and friendly. I still hurt but felt better about it. I was moved to the holding area and awaited the procedure. I was scared and confused. The doctor who did the cardiac cath. told me, yes you are awake during the procedure, that two of my four bypasses had closed back up and that they only could fix one of them with a stent and balloon angioplasty.

That wasn’t what I wanted to hear.


They fixed the artery that they could get to and sent me upstairs to recover. Wifey and I tried to get some sleep that night. It wasn’t easy as my back hurt like hell as I had to lay on my back and not move my right leg for 18 hours. 6 of it with a 5 lb sandbag on my crotch holding pressure on my femoral artery so I wouldn’t bleed to death. Oh they did give some pain meds, but only enough to make a 4 ounce gerbil sleepy.

I was moved out of the recovery room to another room that I was privileged to share with a real scumbag. The message he got from the Doc was far worse than mine. I didn’t mean to listen in. They were just loud. The Doc basically told him he was dying and with no insurance he had no options. He is in his early 50s. I thought for a while he was planted there to scare me. Then I saw him tell his mother he was going to die. That wasn’t good.

The good news is that I’m home and feeling a lot better. Sure I get to gobble a whole bunch of pills every day and get to go on the prison camp diet but, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Sure, one day my coronary arteries are going to close for good. I can deal with that. I’m just going to try and keep that from happening for quite a while.

I still got a lot of stuff to do.

Oh, the Green LED. My cable went out due to a bad splitter outside the house.

Life's a Bitch sometimes......

Monday, August 3, 2009

Nothing is Free…….

And I do mean nothing.

Take the “Cash for Clunkers” initiative that the government passed to stimulate new car purchases. Sounds great right? You bring in an old car or truck that gets poor gas mileage and trade it in for higher mileage new vehicle. Under this program the dealership turns in your old “clunker” to be destroyed. It can’t even be cannibalized for spare parts at a junkyard. The dealer gets $3,500 to $4,500 for this service from the government. The dealership then can pass the deal onto you. Chrysler is even doubling the offer so you could feasibly get $9,000 off the price of a new car. Chrysler! Who we already gave billions of our tax dollars to. We already have to pay for that!

How could this be a bad idea on so many levels?

1) When the government gives money to anyone whether it’s the Indians, the homeless, even the foreign aide given out to every other country in the world. It comes out of your pocket period. This is an undeniable fact.

2) With the government owning a huge portion of Chrysler, isn’t it a little fishy that Chrysler alone is doubling the government’s cash offer? Isn’t this double dipping just a deeper grab into your pocket as a tax payer?

3) What about if you buy a high mileage car that was built in a foreign country? Are our tax dollars now going overseas?

4) And the ultimate hidden cost. The loss of tax revenue for the states. Every single state in this country depends on tax revenue from the gas pumps to pay for road repairs and other state budget needs. In some states it’s as high as $.50 (fifty cents) per gallon. If all of a sudden automobiles get twice the gas mileage as they used to, all of our states will be looking at massive budget shortfalls. The states will have to increase their tax rolls somehow. The federal government won’t bail the states out. Look at California for an example. So the feds have now made the states the "Bad Guys" for having to raise taxes.

How many spoons full of sugar does it take to make this poisonous medicine go down?

Kinda makes Mary Poppins look like Satan doesn’t it?

My Hidden Motives……..

I have to make a confession here.

I am a sneaky bastard.

I post some pretty goofy stuff on my blog. Some of it is downright deranged. I do it on purpose. The idea is to capture your imagination to show you I am nuts, and to also slip in some pretty important thoughts that I have. Some are profound like the glow in the dark toilet I invented or the hidden planet in outer space made of Velveeta cheese.

My real purpose is to try and pry a few important thoughts into your brain.

We are witnessing the dismantling of The United States of America as we know it. Our government is being changed and destroyed in front of our eyes and the smoke screens that the news media and government are creating have us all hoodwinked.

When the president appoints any cabinet member they are required by the constitution to be ratified by the Senate. The last two presidents have appointed “Czars” to oversee certain portions of our government. Bush appointed five or six. Obama has appointed over 40. These people are not approved by either house of congress and are responsible only to the president himself. Read that last line again. It’s so important that you have to understand it. It’s your job as an American, or seventy years ago a good little German soon to be a Nazi.

I don’t care if you smoked dope, drank, screwed, or slept your way through high school. You should have paid just a little attention in your American and world history classes.

Sooner than you think the government may be telling you what doctor to go to, how much money you can make, where you can live, what you can tell your children and maybe even how many children you can, or are required to have. You may need papers to travel somewhere on vacation, permission to use gasoline for recreational purposes (boats, RV,s etc.) and face stiff fines or even incarceration (jail time) for speaking out against these atrocities.

These things are happening already around the world today as we speak in one country or another. We better wake up or these terrible conditions may happen here.

And you thought I was only going to blog about alien abductions and anal probes…..

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Atlanta Georgia, USA. The Centers for Disease Control, CDC, today announced the first reported case of the Okeechobee Possum Flu. “This very deadly strain of the H15N30 or OPF influenza virus has everyone at the CDC scared to death” says CDC public relations manager Ivan Dontknowshit.

It appears that the virus was first discovered in a health care worker in the small rural Florida town of Okeechobee. Attempts to contact anyone there have been difficult as the town only has one telephone and the residents have to climb a utility pole to use it.

What is known so far is that a phlebotomist at the local hospital started to notice some sinus congestion and that he was tired every morning after working his overnight shift. Local residents have overwhelmed the hospital’s emergency room with symptoms as frightening as the sniffles and tummy pains to the dreaded “No speakie engrish".

Meanwhile all the major news networks are scrambling to find Okeechobee so they can set up their satellite trucks on the patient’s front lawn. “If we ever find this place we are going to make this guy’s life hell” said a CNN technician who was munching on a burger at a Stuckey’s near someplace called YeeHaw Junction.

Today President Obama responded by first saying “Okeechobee? Where the hell is Okeechobee and who gives a shit about it” But after a gentle nudge and a whisper from a trusted advisor reminding him of how close the last three presidential elections in Florida have been, the President remarked, “I will take personal charge of this healthcare crisis and I pledge today to spend at least $500,000,000.00 (Five hundred million) of your tax payer dollars to prevent this potential pandemic from spreading to areas more suitable for human existence.”

Floyd the barber, the acting mayor of Okeechobee, sent a letter to the CDC requesting that the strain of flu be referred to by its official designation H15N30 stating that “If someone does figure out where Okeechobee is and might decide to come here we don’t want this flu thingy to scare them off”

Roger Daltry, spokesman for the WHO (World Health Organization) announced that “Once we learn how to pronounce Okeechobee we will decide if we want to initiate any preemptive actions to prevent this horrible pandemic from mutating into something even more frightening like the much feared stomach bug”

In other news, Man trapped in refrigerator eats own foot, and there’s a sale at Penny’s….

Thursday, July 16, 2009


The IV was started, and everyone was smiling and assuring me that everything was going to be alright. As my face started to tingle and flush from the Diprovan that was being flushed into my central nervous system, the flashback started to take hold. At first it was hazy and distant but as the full force of Michal Jackson's insomnia drug hit me the terror began.

That crisp fall evening in a West Texas cotton field. My trusty Criterion Dynascope and assorted lenses on the table beside me. A Coleman stove with hot water going for cocoa , Swiss Miss with marshmallows. I remember it like it was yesterday.

The blinding light and my body paralyzed as I was lifted towards the craft. It was hovering a few hundred feet above the ground. There was no sound, no real sensation at all except the realization that I was unable to move a single muscle in my body. I do not know how I was even able to breathe. That thought only crossed my mind later under hypnosis.

The cold metal slab was about 7 feet long and seemed to just float in the air about waist height of my captors. My eyelids were being held open and I remember my eyes feeling like they where dry and chapped. Small wires and tubes were attached to my body in various places but I couldn’t see any machines or instruments that they were connected to. There was no sound, no walls I could see in this seemingly endless room.

I tremble at the thought and my veins seem to fill with ice water when I am forced to think of the long and shiny probe they implanted inside me. What was it for? Was it going to be harmful to me? Did they do sexual things to me? If so, why didn’t it feel good? And for God’s sake are they going to take it out? How would I ever pass through an airport metal detector again?

I awoke cold and naked laying in the fetal position about five yards away from my telescope. Aside from the lack of clothing and my location everything was fine. Oh and the painful feeling of my abdomen being full. I just attributed that to the huge platter of pulled pork I had for dinner at Stubb’s that evening.

I have never had a problem getting on a plane and this has never happened to me since that terrible night.

In all fairness to my doctor and the wonderful team at Raulerson hospital who performed my colonoscopy yesterday. It wasn’t his, or their, fault. The procedure went well. It was quick and painless.

Just the thought that I had another anal probe, and this time from a Yankee’s Fan is all most to much to handle.

The Horror, The Horror of it all………..

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The second thing we do….

Is tax the Indians

Ok for you politically correct dimwits, the Native Americans.

The Indians were here first. Ok so what. They were conquered. End of story. Can you name one other group of people that conquered another group of people and then allowed themselves to be screwed over by the losers? (Oh yeah. the Japanese. That worked out well) The Indians were one of the most brutal people who ever lived on this planet. Sure they all sat around and peacefully grew corn and killed a few buffalo. In other words, they just stagnated. If the white man never set foot on North America do you really think the Indians would have evolved socially or economically or technologically? Hell no. They would be freezing their little red balls off in tents made of smelly buffalo hides to this day.

The Indians were brutal when they went to war with other tribes. They killed the men and male children while raping the women and kidnapping and assimilating the female children into their society. Does that sound like an advanced peaceful culture to you? How much Hollywood BS propaganda have you swallowed?

Today we give them tax free land, free housing, free food, free healthcare and a paycheck for sitting around and bitching that we are not giving them enough. And then, and this really frosts my balls, we let them erect casinos and let them keep all their profits tax free. These wonderful people don’t even take care of themselves. The poorest place I have ever seen is the Navajo Indian Reservation in Northern Arizona. Seriously, this area is poorer than any of the places I have seen in central Mexico. Do those rich Indian asshole that own the worlds largest casino in Connecticut send them a dime? Hell no. But we kiss their asses and let them have whatever they want. We should have passed out more smallpox laced blankets when we had the chance.

Before you start to think I am crazy here, you should spend a little time in an Emergency Room in Northern Arizona. Flagstaff spends thousands of dollars a month to take care of these parasites who drink themselves silly and then get a free ride back to the “Res” every morning. These same assholes are back night after night drunker than hell and paying for it with that nice green government check they get every month. That check that your taxes pay for. And this doesn’t even address the cash they pick up begging and poor mouthing in the Target parking lot in downtown Flagstaff. And Flagstaff Medical Center is just finishing up a special alcohol rehab center for these lovely smelly footed people.

I’m not advocating killing them now. It’s too late for that. Let’s just tax their profits the same as yours or mine are. And stop giving these lazy assholes free money. Make them get jobs just like you or I had to. We were born here also.

And we are worrying about illegal aliens sucking the life out of us? These parasites are killing us from within.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Things I hate…....

Some dufus told me the other day “Don’t be a hater Man”.

Sorry I can’t help it. Something’s I don’t care for and others I just want to take outside and cut in half with my rifle.

In no particular order:


House flies

Horse flies

Small yip yip lap dogs



Leg Cramps

Airports without free WiFi

Carry on luggage assholes

Most Liberals

Lousy veins

Ingrown toenails

Most sappy Soap Operas

Slow drivers in my way

Fast drivers who pass me like idiots

Jim Lampley

Texas A&M

Cloudy nights

Expensive Hops

Door knocking religious nut cases

Snotty old fat know it all nurses

Junk mail



Thai food

Long checkout lines at the store

Good war movies with romantic sub plots

Cold showers

Floyd Mayweather

Grass burrs

Incompetent government at all levels

Blue M&Ms

Spam, electronic and canned

Electric stoves


Flat beer

Cheap Tequila

Dead batteries


Cell phone ads on TV

And this list only took me 3 minutes to create. You can only imagine what a full day living in my head would reveal.

Scary thought isn’t it?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Something fishy is going on here……….

Go into a gun store and try to buy some ammunition. Hell, go into Wal-Mart and see what is left at the gun counter. Chances are your local Wal-Mart doesn’t have a bullet left for sale. Not even one little box of 22s. It’s almost spooky.

Why? No one has an answer. Ever since this last election there seems to be no rifle or pistol ammunition for sale anywhere. You can buy all the shotgun rounds you can carry, but anything for long guns or hand guns is unavailable.

The local Wal-Mart gun counter gal told me that they order the stuff, The orders are just not filled from the warehouse or somewhere further up the line.

Are you kidding me? The largest retailer in the world cannot get so much as a box of bullets to sell? It’s the same thing at my locally owned gun store. Paul tells me it’s just not available from the wholesalers anymore.

Are people hording? I don’t know. I do know that the two times I was at Wal-Mart when the truck was unloading and the pallet of merchandise was left at the gun counter there was no ammunition available. Not one box was delivered. It’s kind of hard to hoard when there is no supply available to purchase.

Even reloading components are gone. Try to buy a box of small pistol primers. A box of a thousand used to cost around $15.00 or so. Now, if you can find them, a box now goes for closer to $35.00 or more. Powder and bullets are also getting harder to find as well.

I don’t believe in conspiracies as a rule. I’ve been to and laughed at Roswell and think Global Warming is a farce created by Al Gore to make a quick buck.

This is much scarier in my opinion. The public can’t purchase ammo or reloading components? Who needs gun control when those sneaky bastards can find a way to prevent you from buying or reloading bullets to put in your uncontrolled gun? King George would have loved this. Without bullets July 4th would have been just another day.

I wish someone, anyone, would find a way to bring this to the public eye.

Hopefully I won’t disappear suddenly for typing this. If I do, you will know why!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Honeymoon is Almost Over………

For those of you stupid enough to believe that the economy is turning the corner and we are all going to be rich, fat and happy from now on, here is a little reality pill for you.

On November 3 2008:

Gold closed at $730.00 per ounce

Silver closed at $9.90 per ounce

Platinum closed at $820.00 per ounce

Crude Oil was $70.00 a barrel

How do we compare to with today (6/5/09)?

Gold opened at $963.00 per ounce

Silver opened at $15.20 per ounce

Platinum opened at $1,263.00 per ounce

Crude Oil opened at $67.00 a barrel

With the government printing trillions of dollars of cash to prop up our economy the dollar's value drops on world markets. Therefore benchmark exchanges like gold and silver rise. Oil is a bit different as production can vary based on supply and demand and a few other events like a hurricane in the gulf or a tanker being attacked in the middle east.

The honeymoon here is that we haven’t had to pay for this economic fix yet. It’s like getting a new credit card with a twenty grand limit. You max it out the first week, you go on vacation, buy a big screen TV and a hot tub, and then the first bill shows up three months later. Now what? Every president and his administration has had the ability to handle this economic crisis the way President Obama has. The reason they didn’t is that it is beyond stupid and self destructive. Most economists say it is purely economic suicide.

It’s getting close to where we need to invest in bullets and camping gear and get ready to go hide in the woods. Don't buy the property because then you are a land owner and a potential stream of tax revenue. Start a garden and learn to live off the land as our money is loosing value so fast that per sheet it may soon be worth less than a sheet of toilet paper.

Makes you want to keep those old softer dollar bills doesn’t it!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Time to Make Some Popcorn………….

Looks like the newest reality television show may be the impending war on the Korean peninsula. This looks like pretty serious stuff according to the TV news ghouls. You know the world is on the verge of ending when CNN, CNBC and FOX news are all reporting that the North Koreans are saber rattling again and it looks like China and Russia may be on our side. All of these news whores are reporting the same thing?  Alas Babylon doesn’t seem so farfetched now does it?

Fox just reported a rumor that China has shut off their fuel shipments to North Korea and reputably are furious over North Koreas nuclear testing program. The South Koreans and Americans are now in their second highest level of readiness, whatever that means. 

Looks like I need to go to the storage shed and get the power supply for my shortwave radio. Might be an interesting couple of weeks to listen to Radio Pyongyang and see what that nitwit leader they have is up to. Who knows, maybe out nitwit leader will want to meet with him also.

In fact, it may be time to get some of the supplies out of the storage shed as well. Who knows where this could lead. Might just start thinking about loading up on mosquito repellent and other survival equipment.

Stay tuned. Film at eleven………..

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wifey has the Answer………..

While we were traveling to Las Vegas a few weeks ago we were stunned to see how long it took to board and leave the aircraft. Yes it was a 757 and held a couple hundred passengers. The hold up was all the rude and inconsiderate people who carry on their luggage instead of checking it at the counter.

I’ve heard the arguments before. I travelled by air extensively when I worked for Bank of America. I probably flew more than most. I am still not impressed with their rationale.

If you need to get out of the airport 15 minutes faster and checking your luggage would slow down your travel, take an earlier flight. No matter what you are told, the airlines rarely loose checked baggage anymore. Sure, years ago when it was all hand sorted, a lot of bags were lost. Most were recovered and delivered to you by the airlines at their expense. Today your claim ticket is computer bar coded and the loss rate is far below 1 percent.

Your huge carry on broke my expensive pair of prescription sunglasses that were in my over coat pocket that you squished when you, rather rudely, shoved your oversize suitcase into the overhead bin. You don’t care. You are a selfish asshole.

I wonder how quickly the aircraft would load and unload passengers if everyone found their seat, sat down, buckled up and they then closed the door?

Wifey’s idea, and I love it, is to charge these rude bastards $10.00 for each carry on bag that doesn’t fit under the seat in front of you. Why charge all the people who follow the rules and check their bags ten to thirty dollars apiece? The airlines are paying the baggage handlers already. That money is just gravy to the airlines. Why not make a little more and try to alleviate the other problems at the same time? These rude, inconsiderate, self serving, “professional business travelers” will cough up the money any way. Hell, just enforce the carry on size limits. I would choose the airline with that policy every time.

Looks like a win-win situation to me. Speed up departures, increase airline revenue, and don’t damage my expensive personal property by being an asshole.

Great idea Wifey! Just another reason why I love you. You are one smart cookie.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Everything has a Price………

Wifey and I just got back from a quickie trip to Las Vegas. We left Orlando on Monday night and flew back Wednesday night. When we arrived we were starving. We checked into our room at the Mirage and headed off in search of food.

Las Vegas isn’t hurting. The economy is just fine out there. People were everywhere. The prices are still outrageous. There wasn’t much in the way of food that I felt was affordable.

We ate dinner at a burger joint inside the Mirage. BLT Burger it’s called. They have another store in New York City. I was tired and horrified at the prices for a cheese burger and onion rings. And then I saw it on the menu.

A 6 ounce hamburger made with American Kobe Beef. Kobe Beef is that rare strain of cow that lives in Japan. The animals are groomed daily and massaged up to 10 hours a day. They eat better than I do! It is the finest beef in the world. Since the Mad Cow scare came about it has become illegal to import the stuff from Japan. Years ago a cattle rancher in the US got some of these cows and started raising them. Hence the name American Kobe Beef. A good Kobe Beef  steak, say a 12 ounce strip would be upwards of $60.00 if you could find it. 

My Cheeseburger had Vermont cheddar, iceberg lettuce, a big juicy tomato slice and a slice of Vidalia onion on it. I ordered it as rare as they could legally make it. It came on this humongous sesame seed bun and even had a great tasting pickle on top.

It was the best burger I have ever had in my entire life. No Joke. Read this line again. I get chills just thinking about it. I am going to have them freeze one on dry ice and get it shipped to me via FedEx.

The cost? $17.00 and it was worth every penny. The secondary cost? A nasty case of diverticulitis. Must have been those damn seeds and to tell you the truth. I would do it again in a flash. The oralgasim I had is worth the pain I have now.

It was that good………………

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Beauty and Brains……………..

The best part of being an American is that anyone who thinks up a great idea and acts on it can make a ton of money and be happy.

Take for example the Miss America pageant

Any idea who won this year? Never mind that it is a hopeless waste of time and beauty. Forget the fact that it should be done naked so we can make sure that our national icon of beauty doesn’t have a birthmark that looks like Florida on her one of her breasts (or worse a demonic tattoo of some sort) And why not require chest x-rays to make sure we are getting 100% USDA Grade A premium kosher meat without fillers or additives?

The best part of this years beauty scam is that no one knows who won! It would suck to be crowned Miss America when the runner up makes a statement which is not politically correct and steals all your thunder.

Regardless of your opinion on Gay marriage you have to admit that the hauntingly beautiful Miss California stole the show and is going to make millions off of her personal beliefs while the real Miss America is going to get a hundred bucks a pop for opening Wal-Marts across the country. Don’t get me wrong, Katie Stam, Miss America from Indiana is gorgeous as well. She’s just not as SMART as Carrie Prejean the current runner up from California. It’s a shame that there isn’t a strategy component to being Miss America.

So while the runner up babe is going to be the spokesperson for the National Organization for Marriage at millions of dollars a year our current Miss America was in Talladega Alabama trying to get all the redneck NASCAR fans to stop staring at her breasts and acknowledge that she really is someone important.

Is this a great country or what!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Plot Thickens………….

Imagine a new novel about a president who is in trouble. His policies that in the beginning looked like salvation to a desperate electorate are starting to look like the death of capitalism in his country. The Dow drops 3,000 points in his first 100 days. The majority of his cabinet nominations resign for income tax violations. Piracy on the high seas is at record levels. The Middle East and Muslim world is getting ready to explode in civil and region wide religious war and the border with Mexico is being over run with drug dealers and uncontrolled gang warfare.

Now the president and his secretary of state just got back from a conference in Mexico to discuss a way to stop the violence and all these drug related killings on both side of the border.

Did anyone see the movie Wag the Dog? Go rent it today. It is a movie about a president who gets into trouble and hires a team of Hollywood producers to invent or concoct a phony war to act as a diversion to what’s really going on.

Enter Swine Flu.

One confirmed death on American soil to date (April 29, 2009 1345 EST) and that was a child from Mexico who came across the border and died in a Houston hospital. One hundred (100) cases reported in the US so far.

In 2005 according to graphics Fox news just showed, with data provided by the CDC, more than 63,000 people died from the flu. That’s just the regular flu! That’s better than 172 people per day for the normal flu that grips the nation every year! Here we are freaking out over one 22 month old Mexican kid who was infected in Mexico and died here? The news just said that the state of Texas just cancelled all high school football games for the next two weeks? You have got to be kidding me. What’s going on here?

Gerald Ford tried the Swine Flu diversion when he was president. It didn’t work. His problems were over blown by the democrat opposition. He eventually lost his reelection bid.

Would it be so unfathomable that the news about this minor flu outbreak is being over blown by the liberal news media and being fanned by the current administration? Will our president be able to put on his tight fitting super hero leotards and swoop down and fix this current dilemma? What will we fall for next?

Sounds like the plot for a great comic book instead of a novel…….

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Barstool Mountain………….

I bought Wifey this really cool iPod Nano for Christmas last year. It’s blue and she loves it. Then I showed her how to download songs from the iTunes store. The other day she downloaded a really cool music video from some guy singing in Hawaii. Life is good right?

Imagine my horror when she downloaded Disco Inferno. My lovely, intelligent wife likes disco music. What’s next? Barry Manilow? I’d rather listen to Sigmund and the Sea Monsters.

 I got her back though. You see, Chuckie went to college in West Texas. I learned quickly that those Miss America class beautiful little Texas girls were brought up on country music. So I did the unthinkable. I started listening to country music. Hell, I even started drinking beer with the late night DJ from the station near the Texas Tech campus.

That’s how I met Johnny Paycheck. What a fun guy he was, He even remembered me when he came back through town every couple of months. He loved the BBQ at Stubbs and was hooked on Coors beer.

Sure he was an outlaw, hard drinking country singer. The man was a study in extremes. He could get drunk and start a bar fight in seconds. He could also wax poetical and even get a tear in his eye when he talked about how he admired Buddy Holly.

We lost Johnny on Feb 19 2003. The world will never be the same for me

I found a bunch of his music on iTunes and most of it now resides on my hard drive. Whenever I hear Wifey’s computer screeching that horrible disco music I crank up a few of Johnny’s best songs to drown her out. Barstool Mountain, Georgia in a Jug, Take this Job and Shove it. Friend, Lover, Wife and Colorado Kool-Aide.

Did I mention Wifey  hates country as much as I hate disco?

I miss you Johnny and thanks for the ammunition to battle that Gloria Gaynor and Barry Gibb noise that Wifey tortures me with.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Question of the Day……….

I am faced with a delicate decision here. I am outfitting the Man Cave and I am not sure what I want to do in the way of decorating. My friends have posters of scantily clad women in all sorts of suggestive poses with motorcycles and in some cases tool chests.

Now I am no different from any other red blooded American male. (Well in most respects anyway) I still get shivers when I see a poster of Raquel Welch in a roller derby uniform, and some of the reporterettes on CNN are absolutely stunning.

But still, I’m getting older and beauty fades. I still am in awe of Wifey when she wakes up gorgeous. Even with sleep in her eyes she is still a looker to me. I just think it would be weird to have a poster of her hanging in my Man Cave. I don’t know what I would feel if some of my friends were getting loaded and making howling noises at my wife’s picture.

As I get older I am more impressed with intelligent, thoughtful women rather than the silicone injected bimbos who serve me chicken wings and refuse to give a whole pitcher of beer to a patron sitting at a table by himself.

No, I have made my decision. I am going to get a couple of posters of one of the most intelligent and thoughtful woman I can think of. And I am pretty sure Wifey won’t mind either.

So if any of you out there in the cyber world know where I can get a poster of Judge Judy I would really appreciate it.

That should keep the wild drunks in my garage at bay…………….

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A New Cable Channel…………..

That’s what I thought at first. I then realized it was the STSOY (Scare the Shit Outta You) channel. Formerly known as the History Channel.

It seems that the History Channel runs out of their spectacular programing every now and them and needs to rise to a lower level and start showing programs that document every conceivable threat to humanity.

Sure the earth could be in the path of a huge asteroid. We also may get zapped by a killer gamma ray burst. Super volcanoes have erupted in the past and there have been continent wide plagues as recently as the 1400s. This is the stuff of history and should be studied and learned from. Maybe if we are really clever we might be able to prevent, or at least, learn to cope with these disasters when they do happen.

This weeks fare on the History Channel is pure fecal fantasy.

Super hurricanes that are 2,000 (two thousand) miles wide with 500+mph winds? When has that ever happened? Robotic intelligence taking over the planet? I’ll even throw in global warming to this stewpot as it is a farce as well. Some of these future and farcical disasters rival the plot of Bartholomew and the Oobleck. Go ahead. Read that one. I dare you!

Why can’t anyone just stick to what they do best? There is a Science Fiction Channel on cable. Leave the speculative nonsense to them. Even though they cancelled Tripping the Rift they do a pretty good job of showcasing the future possibilities of our silly species.

Maybe I should write the short story of the Velveeta Asteroid hitting the earth.

Stay Tuned………………..

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Chuckie’s Favorite Movies…………

In no particular order:

Mutiny on the Bounty

The Corpse Grinders

The Mosquito Coast

The African Queen

Sometimes a Great Notion

Treasure of the Sierra Madre

The Birds

Ben Hur

Mystery Alaska


Lawrence of Arabia

Planet of the Apes (Original, The remake sucked)

Soylent Green

The Maltese Falcon

Psycho (Ditto on the remakes)

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Dr. Strangelove

Heavy Metal

Beerfest! (Saw this one coming didn’t ya!)

Master and Commander, Far Side of the World


Blazing Saddles

The Stand

Cool Hand Luke

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (Yes I spelled it that way on purpose)

Mary Poppins

Apocalypse Now


Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Pirates of the Caribbean (Just the first one)

The Godfather

Mars Attacks

I have to stop here. I have seen so many movies in my life that I could go on forever. I will post a listing of the movies that make me gag in another post. Who knows, it’s raining here today so I might just go on marathon blogging. Hell, no one reads this anyway!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I Hate Small………

Those of you who know me will attest that there isn’t much that I do small. From building Trebuchet’s and cooking pigs to eating pasta I’m a big guy. Does it get me into trouble? Sure has. Who would have thought that five pounds of steak a day on the Adkins Diet would clog my arteries and get me four bypasses? Didn’t do that small either!

What really chaps me is when I am sick. Wifey goes to the store and brings back some Pepto Bismol to try and take care of the problem. A six ounce bottle? Give me a break. If I need to drink that pink Loctite  I am going to need more than six ounces. The directions say something like half an ounce every 4 hours. I drink the whole bottle in a single gulp. And it works.

Same thing with Nyquil. How am I going to take that wonderful green elixir a tablespoon at a time? I need at least two or three swallows to have any effect. And I have to keep at least four 10 oz bottles on the bar for when we get stupid and make Green Hornets! (One shot of Nyquil and one shot cheap vodka over cracked ice)

The point here is we are in America damn it! I should be able to buy the things I need in five gallon buckets or larger. I don’t care what it costs, If I need it I’ll be buying it anyway. I could use a 55 gallon drum of Pepto. At least a drum of Nyquil and for sure a 275 gallon tank of Diet Coke out back. Beer comes in kegs, Why not squirt cheese, or mustard? I would love to have a five gallon bucket of Bosco with a pump in it in the garage. Why can’t I buy a gallon size bottle of Claritin-D for my nose? That stupid little package holds what, ten tablets? And the bastards even put them in those demonic little blister packs that I can't get into anyway.

And don’t even think of getting me started on scoopable kitty litter…………..

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I’m Buying a Super Soaker……………

Yup. You heard right. I am going to buy one of those toy water pistols that holds two quarts of water. One that you can pump up to 100 psi and squirt all the way across the yard. I am going to fill it with Welch’s Grape Juice and I am going to hose down every one of those damn religious nut cases that trespasses on my property and knocks on my door.

Let me explain; Wifey and I work nights. We work in a hospital in south Florida in the height of snowbird season. We put up with the sick, the injured, and the faking lonely people all night long. We do this because we are caring human beings and the money is pretty good as well. When we finally get to go home and sleep in the morning we don’t want to be disturbed by some clean cut, bicycle riding, 1965 IBM executive look alike religious nut case. 

“Good afternoon Sir. We would like to talk to you about the Lord Jesus Christ”

“Uh, we work nights and are sleeping right now”

“When would be a good time to come back and talk to you about Jesus Christ?”

“When he walks up to my door with you in person.”

At this point I shut the door and went back to sleep.

I know for a fact it’s illegal to shoot stray raccoons with a paint ball gun.(Don’t ask me how I know this) I wonder what the Sheriff in Okeechobee county would say if I was caught hosing down one of these fools out mining souls for Jesus with a half gallon of Grape Juice? I know for a fact that Welch’s Grape Juice is a bitch to get out of a white cotton dress shirt.

I wonder if The Mormons are allowed to use Oxy-Clean………….

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I hate to say I told you so, But………..

Today while I was at lunch, eating my bologna sandwich and strawberry yogurt, it happened. I was watching the TV in the cafeteria at the hospital when the top story on CNN was that our new president was angry at AIG giving their employees a ton of bonus money. In fact, President Dumbshit even went so far as to say all of us Americans should be furious with the execs at AIG acting so irresponsibly.

Wait a minute here. We the people should be furious with the AIG folks for pissing away the money the government gave them? Didn’t AIG make their own puddle? Shouldn’t they get to sleep in it? Didn’t they screw up their business and drive themselves to the brink of bankruptcy? 


Seems to me we should be furious with our government representatives for giving all that cash to an organization that has a proven track record of making bad investment and poor decisions. We should have let their business fail.

But all us brainwashed Americans can see is what the news shows us. The stock market had a huge rally this week. The Dow gained almost 400 points! Hot Damn! Our problems are over! Never mind that the market is down 6,000 (that’s six thousand) points in a year and a half. Hell, the stock market has dropped 3,200 points since inauguration day. Now we should be upset that AIG execs gave themselves a ton of our free money?

Pull your head out of the sand. You are being manipulated. They, the government, are diverting your attention away from the fact that they increased your share of the national debt by $15,000. That’s 15K for every man woman and child in America. And they did that in just two short weeks.

Just imagine what kind of crap they can dream up to saddle us with in the next three and a half years.

Sweet Dreams……………..