Since everyone is only capable of saying “Anyone can point out the problems. What are your solutions Chuckie?” I thought I would tell you some of my brilliant ideas for fixing the messes we are in now.
I’ll start with Foreign Affairs first.
Run from the Border.
The first thing we do is stop all foreign aid to Latin America for a year or two. We take all that money and build our wall and hire a shitload more Border Patrol agents. Once we have the wall secured, we inform our neighbors to the south that we will turn the faucet of money back on once they get serious about helping us stop the illegal drug trafficking into the United States. The money we send them only goes to the corrupt politicians in power down there anyway. Hit em where it hurts and maybe things will change.
North Korea, Lil Kim and Syria?
Simple. We have a couple missile tests of our own. Fire an ICBM from say Montana towards North Korea. Have the ten MIRV warheads be unarmed and bracket the country. Maybe the thought of 10 hydrogen bombs raining down on his cities and countryside might dissuade that dummy from rattling his saber. We also place Patriot Missile batteries in Japan and South Korea. A few on warships patrolling the off the coast of North Korea could shoot down any missiles tests they decide to have in the future.
We could do the same thing to Syria. Land a few empty missile warheads in a few ISIS controlled areas and let’s see what happens. If they don’t get the message replace them with enhanced radiation warheads and kill everything alive there. Even bacteria. Then we march in and clean the place out, loot all the resources and let them rebuild their region themselves. It worked on the Indians. Why not there?
Russia and the Ukraine Crisis?
Simple. We build my Trans Poland Pipeline I previously outlined in another BLOG post. We then place missiles and troops in Ukraine and Poland to defend our Nato Allies. We get increased American shipping, We SELL our excess natural gas overseas thereby creating thousands of jobs, Secure Eastern Europe and everyone is happy, except Russia. Fuck them.
The Cuba issue?
Fuck them as well. We stop all this nonsense about opening up trade with Cuba. We BLOCKADE their ass until the Castros are gone and they have free and democratic elections. We will not support them or help them in ANY way as long as those human rights abusing animals are in power. No cruises, golf courses or tourist money gets in at all. I would even make it a no fly zone so other countries couldn’t get in there to help those low life dictators as well. Once those murdering assholes are out of power we can deal with them as civilized human beings.
I would make it so that there would be only a few ports of entry into the United States. Say London, Paris, and maybe one in Germany. Only a couple in Africa as well. If you want to fly into the US you have to go through these specific airports to do so. We build secure processing facilities there and make it so we can control who actually comes here. We could check backgrounds, medical status, and potential terrorist activity. Imagine how safe and secure we could have been when SARS or the Ebola virus was floating around. Same thing with South America and the Caribbean. Shut off a few key entry points and your house is secure. I lock my doors at night. The country should do the same thing.
The Canada Problem.
What? There is a Canada problem? You bet your sweet ass there is. We start taxing the shit out of Canadian tourists coming to America. If they don’t speak English we double the fees. All of the RVs that swarm across the border in the fall to escape the Great White North are a huge missed opportunity for us to make some quick cash. Where else are they going to go? It’s not like they have any other easily reachable borders to cross. We could make a lot of money off of the amazing Canadian Medical System that sucks so badly all of their citizens come to the US for health care. We place a special Canadian/foreign medical surcharge on all procedures performed on non US citizens. That will teach them to go south of the border like our drunk, horny soldiers and schoolboys do with Mexico! Let all this money fund the Great Wall of Canada! After it’s constructed we then dump that revenue into our social security system. Let Canada pay for our retired citizens!
As you can see, I have single handedly solved all of our State Department’s major issues before lunch. The ironic part is I didn’t even have to set up a private Email server to do it! Yes, I am that good.
I should be the new voice of World Control.