The Nauru Threat.

The what? What the hell are you ranting about now Chuckie?

I’ll tell you.

No this isn’t another tropical election year flu that threatens to destroy the human race for the sake of votes. You know the kind I am talking about. This isn’t some self absorbed dictator of a third world country who pissed in our corn flakes. This is a real live country I’m talking about.

Never heard of Nauru? I’m not surprised.

Nauru is a microscopic country in the South Pacific Ocean just north of Australia. It is the third smallest country in the world. Only the Vatican and Monaco are smaller. Since it’s an election year they need to be attacked and invaded. We obviously can’t attack the pope and his cronies. The casinos and Grand Prix in Monaco are world famous so they get a pass. Besides, Grace Kelly liked Monaco enough to marry their leader and that’s good enough for me.

You heard me correctly. Nauru. They are a threat to the people of the world and we should expend billions of dollars and at least 5 or 6 lives to "ate" them. I mean of course, decimate, obliterate, incinerate, conquerate their land and then  re-educate and re-locate their population. There are hundreds of people incarcerated on Nauru from the Australian penal system. I am sure some of them were falsely imprisoned somehow. One unjustly drunken condemned Aussie is reason enough to attackerate them and confiscate their wealth and violate their three (3) attractive women. I seriously doubt they have transgender friendly bathrooms either. We must do something about this terrible human rights violation.

It pains me to tears even thinking about these inhumane living conditions. I have feelings after all.

At a little over 8 square miles and around ten thousand (10,000) people we could be done by lunchtime. Of course, due to it’s distance from the US mainland and the proximity of the next election we would have a perfect excuse for drawing out the conflict for at least 4 years, or another presidential term. I am sure there are a couple of tents and a few pick-up trucks we could send half a dozen two billion dollar stealth bombers to drop thousands of fifty thousand dollar bombs on.

Nauru doesn't have an air force, Nauru doesn't have an army or navy. The Girl Scouts could infiltrate, invaderate and captureate them.

They even drive on the opposite side of the road than we do. That in itself should be reason enough to fully commit our armed forces and bankrupt our economy prior to an election. Just think about what would happen if all their people illegally snuck into the United States and started driving on the wrong side of the road, during rush hour no less. Wikipedia claims that the native Nauruans are the most overweight people in the world. Over 40% of the population is afflicted with type II Diabetes. So not only could we introduce them to more healthy mastication, we could also make a fortune selling them over priced Diabetes medication and supplies.

Erecting a wall along the entire west coast of the United States would cost far to much in treasure and human lives especially if we couldn’t use illegal Mexican immigrants as cheap labor. No sir. Full scale, unrestricted all out warfare is the only answer.

But once again, as always, no one will heed my warnings about this, or any, horrific threat to our way of life. The Chinese and Russians have already pumped millions of dollars of foreign aid into Nauru. Nauru even has their own airplane now. Not some little Cessna or Piper Cub. No Sir. They have one (1) brand new 737 and a runway to operate it from.

After all, didn't President Clinton fire cruise missiles at Albania back in 1999. Forgot about that already? That is why I am here to remind you. Always remember: History repeats itself. Especially stupid history.

Just watch the news in the next few months before the election. You will see that once again I am correct.

As always......