The Carbon Conspiracy

Every time I sit down in front of my computer I get inundated with environmental bullshit about all the carbon in the atmosphere and on the Earth due to human beings and climate change. It’s on the television, radio, billboards on the highway and even arrives in my mailbox outside as junk mail.

I don’t know where all the experts on carbon have come from. Surely they can’t all be materials scientists or have even taken high school chemistry. My guess is they are all pretty dimwitted folks who think they are standing up for an intelligent and meaningful cause. I guess you might think that is somewhat noble of them but imagine being a hunter and bagging a Peterbuilt instead of a deer.

The reason carbon has got my goat this morning is that the amount of carbon on the planet has not changed in the last few hundred years. Yup, you read that correctly. The amount of carbon on the planet right now is actually a little less than when the dinosaurs roamed around.

What? Are you kidding Chuckie? Have you been smoking crack or overdosed on pop tarts or something?

No, No, and No.

You see, Carbon is an ELEMENT. it is number 6 on the periodic table. It cannot be destroyed or created except by a nuclear reaction or a particle accelerator (theoretically anyway) All the carbon on Earth came from interstellar nuclear reactions on the Sun and/or distant stars. There is as much carbon on the Earth as there was a billion years ago before humans ever started to evolve.

The reason I say that the net amount of carbon on our planet has gone down is to account for the minuscule amount that we have sent into outer space and other planets and moons in our space program. We have sent more carbon to our moon than human beings have ever created on Earth in our entire existence.

That being said, carbon can bond with and be liberated from other compounds. It happens all the time. Every time you use your fireplace or fire up the BBQ you are moving around carbon atoms. BUT THE AMOUNT OF EARTH BOUND CARBON STAYS THE SAME! Driving your car or even eating a pizza does the same thing.

Three and a half billion years ago (3,500.000,000) this planet was a semi liquid blob of molten rock measuring in at thousands of degrees. Since then we have had numerous periods where the planet was a little hotter and a little colder than it is now. The Earth was even frozen completely over with ice at one point. All this before there were Republicans around to blame it on. We, as a species, are not even a pimple on the ass of the Earth in the grand scheme of things.

Assuming we can change the evolutionary future path of this or any planet is the height of human arrogance and unmitigated greed.

Yes Greed. You don’t think anyone is making a buck off of this Global Warming/Climate Change nonsense? Is Al Gore’s house bigger than yours? Do you fly around in a private jet like Michael Moore? Do you have a Junk Science show or special on a cable channel like some of these high paid phonies (read Bill Nye) do? 

Wow! If you really are that stupid, just send me all your money! I will promise to say things that will make you feel all warm and fuzzy.

I live in Nigeria.