The Night Before Christmas..........

Twas the night before Christmas

And I’m stuck in the Lab,

Could be worse I suppose

say in the morgue on a slab.

I look at my watch and see midnight is near

The label printer goes off and

my heart’s filled with fear.

 

A stiff in the unit needs blood work tonight

I get to go jab him, what a delight

I approach his small room

as I have done so often

and then there’s that sign

Droplet  precaution.

 

Gloves gown and mask soon I am adorned

I then approach the patient

whose face looks quite scorned

My hands are a shakin.

The tourniquet is a poppin.

His blood fills the tube.

Oh God no it’s stoppin!

 

His forehead is sweaty

His brow becomes wrinkled

Oh no there’s that smell

I’m sure he has tinkled!

 

I apologize for the hang up

and explain it’s the tube.

He tells me where to put it

and not to use lube.

 

I get another needle

and approach his bed

He then quietly informs me

“Miss again and you’re dead”

This time the tube fills

I don’t miss a drop

and back at the lab

they now want a blue top

 

So back to the floor

with my cart still in tow

I draw the blue top

and as I turn to go

 

The nurses gather round

those blue scrubbed vultures

The doctor they say

just ordered blood cultures!

 

It just isn’t fair

this phlebotomist chants

I feel something warm

I’ve wet my own pants

 

I start to feel cheated

I look in my cart

I need two more bottles

before I can start

 

So back to the lab

to get more supplies

My shift has just ended!

and tears fill my eyes

 

I smile cause it’s over

Damn do I feel great

and then I learn

my replacement is late.

 

The next night before Christmas

where will you find ole Chuckie?

Plastered and smelling of Tequila

We should all be so lucky!