Sunday, March 22, 2009

I’m Buying a Super Soaker……………

Yup. You heard right. I am going to buy one of those toy water pistols that holds two quarts of water. One that you can pump up to 100 psi and squirt all the way across the yard. I am going to fill it with Welch’s Grape Juice and I am going to hose down every one of those damn religious nut cases that trespasses on my property and knocks on my door.

Let me explain; Wifey and I work nights. We work in a hospital in south Florida in the height of snowbird season. We put up with the sick, the injured, and the faking lonely people all night long. We do this because we are caring human beings and the money is pretty good as well. When we finally get to go home and sleep in the morning we don’t want to be disturbed by some clean cut, bicycle riding, 1965 IBM executive look alike religious nut case. 

“Good afternoon Sir. We would like to talk to you about the Lord Jesus Christ”

“Uh, we work nights and are sleeping right now”

“When would be a good time to come back and talk to you about Jesus Christ?”

“When he walks up to my door with you in person.”

At this point I shut the door and went back to sleep.

I know for a fact it’s illegal to shoot stray raccoons with a paint ball gun.(Don’t ask me how I know this) I wonder what the Sheriff in Okeechobee county would say if I was caught hosing down one of these fools out mining souls for Jesus with a half gallon of Grape Juice? I know for a fact that Welch’s Grape Juice is a bitch to get out of a white cotton dress shirt.

I wonder if The Mormons are allowed to use Oxy-Clean………….

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