Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Blue Tooth….

For those of you who haven’t known me very long, I haven’t always been the cool, suave and debonair professional man of the world I appear to be now.

Yes, Chuckie was once a wild man in his own special way. Whether it was incinerating pigs, hurling bowling balls huge distances, brewing amazingly fresh beer, or building geodesic domes, old Chuckie seems to march to the beat of a different, yet dyslexic drummer.

If your body is a canvas, mine would be blank. I have no tattoos and no piercings. Just a few really sexy surgical scars that make for interesting conversations when I wear my Speedo.

So I had this bright idea at the dentist’s office to have an impending crown (almost $1,000 worth) dyed blue. Why not? I’m paying for the bastard. Why camouflage it the same color as all my other teeth? I see numerous people with all sorts of God awful ugly gold teeth walking around. I couldn’t afford a diamond insert like that bad guy Stone in the Remo Williams flick.

My dentist told me of the new process where he could dye this new material that he can make a crown out of. It’s like a glaze and a kiln process for pottery. After six firings it was ready. He glued that bastard in and I was the first person in recorded history to have a Blue Tooth! (We even called the company that developed the process to check)

Damn it was beautiful. It was a molar so I had to point it out to you, but it was there and it was all mine. I was finally a unique individual!

It cracked and broke a month later. Apparently the constant re-heating to get the color dark enough (Royal Blue) weakened the material and it just broke in half one day while I was stripping a wire with my teeth.

Now I have a gold crown, which has turned out to be one hell of an investment. And the keyboard and mouse I am using on my new iMac are running on Blue Tooth software.

And you didn’t think I was an amazing guy.....

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