It’s funny how you look at things when you get older. Childhood allows, hell demands, you to think silly thoughts and they are somehow fine.
When I was a kid growing up In Avon, Ct. almost every kid on the block had his tonsils out the same summer. Stories of huge piles of ice cream and missing school for a week filled my dreams. Then appendicitis was the new scar to have. EVERY kid had that scar except me and my brother. I remember not being picked to be on a basketball team because I didn’t have an appendectomy scar. I could handle not being picked because I sucked at the sport, but to be left out because I was healthy?
As I got older I started to realize how lucky I was as a kid. Parent’s loved each other till the day Mom died. No real accidents to speak of, and no life threatening illnesses. I suppose most of the crap my family had to go through was my fault. For that I am sorry.
I started to take notice of how people acted and responded when they got sick. I mean really sick.. The really life threatening stuff like cancer and heart attacks and strokes. Mom always tried to beat into my head that I was to be the tough one when everyone was hurting and to be there for them. Suffer later, but be a rock for those who needed you to be strong because they couldn’t. I would like to think that I have made her proud.
I have watched a lot of people die during my tenure as a person, both personally and professionally in my medical career. Some were rocks, other’s were little balls of mushy crap that drips between your fingers when you pick it up. Some people were inspirational in how they handled their personal tragedies, others were pathetic spiteful and hateful.
Regardless of my goofy religious beliefs, I think it’s everyone’s responsibility to make those around you as comfortable and happy while you are dying as you can. It is going to happen to everyone at one point or another, so we might as well make it as easy as possible.
If I seem indifferent or cold about it when you ask me, it’s not you I promise. I have been living with this knowledge for the last ten years. I am acutely aware of what is happening. I don’t understand the why’s but I do know the how’s and trust me, I’m not OK with it. I am just stuck with it. I am doing everything I can to face this shit with courage and as much style as I can muster. Yes there are bad days where I am more pissed than normal, That’s to be expected.
Let’s all just have fun and dance in the sand before the music gets turned off or the lights go out and our parents make us come in out of the rain.