Friday, July 6, 2012

Creatures from The Black Lagoon…..

Fifty thousand years ago Florida was an uninhabited, mosquito-ridden swamp. It was filled with wild animals, snakes and possibly a few graduates from the University of Georgia .  (This period of time was far to advanced for Texas A&M students)

The weather was terrible by our standards. Hot in the summer, cold and clammy in the winter. Tropical weather systems pounded the area drenching, and in some cases, submerging the land with many feet of unrelenting floods. Most of the semi intelligent creatures ran for their lives when the rains came. The less evolved (read as stupid) animals or beings, returned to set up their homes again in the very areas that were devastated by the horrendous weather.

The floods would again come, a few more local species would die off and the circle of life would continue. A cruel and gruesome series of events to be sure, but that didn’t stop the animators at Disney from making a fortune off of it.

Thousands of years passed, the rains still came, numerous species went extinct, and dumb assess are STILL building their homes on Black Creek in Middleburg, Fl.

This year has been a doozie for rain in coastal northeast Florida. To hear the amateur meteorologists’ from Action News Jacksonville talk about it, you would think we all would need to grow fins and gills. The rainfall totals for the year are, I hope you are sitting down for this, within an inch of normal. That’s right, an average amount of rain has hit the ground this year. So what if we got most of it in a three week period. This was and still is a primordial swamp remember?

But not for those folks out in the Black Creek area. No sir. You know the type. The ones with the enlarged foreheads and deep seated eyes. Think of Australopithecus here. You know the type, the same ones who used to smile and giggle when they soiled themselves in the back of the short bus on the way to class in Athens Georgia.

These fools have the nerve to keep breeding, and to make matters worse, they keep relocating to their same fluid plots of cesspool smelling muck where they build houses out of pig shit and sticks.

And that’s OK with me. The world will be a better place upon their extinction.

But wait a minute here. FEMA and the federal government have arrived. The feds are promising a house by house survey of the area, checkbook in hand, to help these idiots rebuild their homesteads on top of the very muck that swallowed their previous ancestors and their dwellings. The only problem here is, the government is carrying YOUR checkbook. Every payday and April 15th you deposit your hard earned wages into that checking account so some asshole politician can give it to the mindless masses at election time to buy their votes.

Circle of life my ass. Let those fools who build their houses in the swamp ooze into the muck and disappear forever. The are just sucking down vital oxygen that the rest of us could be breathing and keeping the matriculation rates at UGA artificially high.

It’s not like any of them could have read a topographic map before they built their homes there in the first place.  “Oh look here Honey, I found a lovely place in the swamp to build our dream house! It’s surrounded by water! It even smells bad and comes with free snakes and mosquitoes!"

Forget the Zombie Apocalypse. We need to worry about the Dumb Asshole Apocalypse.

It seems to be here already……..

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