Monday, July 15, 2013

Das Update or Testicle Number Three.....

I have no idea which is more miraculous, my getting accepted into the Stem Cell Clinical Trial or the fact someone read my Blog!

And to top it all off they even asked for an update on my condition.

I am both flattered and touched, although a little confused!

I had the Stem cell injections into my left ventricle on Thursday June 27. I spent the night in the hospital on the Victoria's Secret Cardiac Care Unit and went home the next day. My Doctors and nurses were spectacular. I came home and slept for 12 hours, Both Wifey and I were exhausted.

I was tired and sore for a couple days. I had bruises in my nether region that looked like I had taken a low blow, or three, from Mike Tyson. I had a hematoma the size of a walnut in the front of my hip. it's right in the crease where your leg meets your pelvis. but I was home and feeling better.

A week later I had a follow up visit with my program coordinator. She asked me a bunch of questions and did a mini physical. I had my BP, EKG done and was pronounced fine. My cardiologist came in and felt me up. Checked my lungs and was very happy I was doing so well. I went home with another $25.00 gas card.

I have a couple hundred dollars worth of gas cards from Shell now. Since I'm not being paid for the study I get a gas card every time I go in for a check up or study related visit. Sure it sounds cheap, but you have to remember, I'm not paying for ANYTHING related to the study. So I get almost a million dollars of cutting edge (pun intended) cardiac procedures and care for free and a couple hundred dollars of diesel fuel out of it.

This Thursday will be three weeks since the procedure. I have another follow up at the four week mark which is next Thursday. I feel pretty good. The standing joke around my house regarding the hematoma is I have grown a third testicle!

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you "Testicle Number Three!" (Think of the tune "Mambo Number 5")

One , Two, Three, Hut Hut
Everybody in the room
look at Chuck's third nut!

It started one day in the old cath lab
getting stem cell treatment on a cold steel slab
A french catheter jammed  in my crotch
forget the damn dilauded just bring me some Scotch, so I
don't feel what they're doing down there
in my old nether region that's now void of hair. I had
3 doctors threading shit into my heart
I wonder what they'd say if I had to fart , cause that
air biscuit might just clear the room, leave me
freezing on that slab there to face my doom.

Too much testosterone in my bod
Goddamn diabetes has killed my rod
third testicle is growing down by my hip
When I'm Man scaping hope I don't slip!

I'm just hanging out here in my bed
wondering what they're gonna say when I'm dead
he was a man with an iron heart
who died in the cath lab from a nasty old  fart, and then
If I make it to the CCU I wonder what then I'm a gonna do
Hot nurses checking out my blow out patch
two inches from my nuts that they won't scratch. 
Laying in this bed like a virtual hostage
Me, my three nuts and a Vienna sausage!

Too much testosterone in my bod
Goddamn diabetes has killed my rod
Stem cells a growing me another mouse
A man with three nuts is loose in the house!

I still have no idea if I received the stem cells or a saline placebo. I guess I am feeling so well due partly to the fact that the stress and anticipation of the procedure is now behind me. I should start noticing a difference in a couple months. I take a treadmill and see if my stamina is increasing. I don't really believe in the "Placebo Effect" but in my position, beggars can't be choosers.

I will keep you posted and thanks for reading.....


Kenny Carter said...

Hang in there, Chuck. We're praying and hoping for the best for you.
Kenny and Janet

KC said...