That’s right boys and girls. You heard it here first. I am going to be the next Food Network Star!
The executives at the Food Network heard that I was thinking about entering the annual contest and decided that my credentials and experience with fine cuisine proved worthy enough of just handing me the title and my own show. No need to spend the money on production costs and time consuming interviews of other candidates.
The Show’s title? Cooking with Chuckie, naturally. It sort of rolls off the tongue don’t you think?
The show would be filmed in my apartment where all of my secret recipes and cooking tools/weapons reside. I, of course, would be wearing multi-colored camouflage fatigues with my favorite t-shirt and Tilly hat.
We would start each show with a toast made with a new and exciting cocktail of my own invention. Some examples would be the Green Hornet, Nyquil and vodka, or maybe the Pink Panther, Pepto Bismol and Myers rum. Maybe we would even take a guest suggestion for a cocktail. Send me your ideas.
Next we would move into the appetizer portion of the show. Deep fried bacon wrapped bacon bites and deep fried jalapeno slices wrapped in cheese and bacon, and maybe even tater tots stapled to a jalapeno and hunk of cheese wrapped in bacon and then deep fried.
There will be no salad course as all of the available lettuce in America is picked by illegal immigrants and we all know that they wipe their asses in the field with it. No one is getting eColi from my kitchen!
For the entrée of show number one we would serve my world famous Ragu and oatmeal concrete casserole complete with cheddar cheese and bacon. It's bathed in a delicious, but delicate, bacon grease and mayonnaise reduction and garnished with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese and some real bacon bits. I was also thinking of a new style "Super Burger" made from Kobe beef imported from the Fukishima district of Japan. This burger would not only cook itself but it would glow in the dark so you could eat it at night in the dark while saving the planet and reducing your carbon footprint. Stay tuned for the "Bacon Super Burger".
Desert would have to be my world renowned vanilla Moon Pie deep fried in pure bacon fat heated over a wood burning camp fire under a full moon.
Yes boys and girls it will be an amazing show. Who knows? Maybe HBO will make me an offer for a series to replace the Soprano’s.
I’ma gonna be a Star!