Friday, November 22, 2013

Your Turkey is Cooked Now….

No one ever said in the movies.

I was at Publix yesterday shopping for my Thanksgiving dinner. This year my father is coming down from North Carolina and my Mother in Law will be joining us for the feast. You know the old turkey and dressing, cranberry mush and all the other stuff that goes along with it. A far cry from the Taco Bell I used to indulge in for Thanksgiving when I was in college.

I was thinking how Thanksgiving is such an American holiday. Regardless of your beliefs on what took place that day hundreds of years ago. Be it a slaughter of Native Americans or a hearty feast with our new native friends, the tradition has somehow endured.

This year I was thinking about shaking things up a bit. I have deep fried Turkeys for the past 20 years now. A pretty neat trick for a kid who grew up in Connecticut. I have even done a Turduckin just to see what the big deal was about. Wifey bought me a small deep fat fryer for the kitchen one year for Christmas and I have fried everything you can imagine. Be it pickles, Twinkees, Oreos, Snickers bars, I have dumped their asses in boiling hot oil! Hot dogs, chicken wings, mac & cheese, you name it, I have deep fried it.

If I don't take Wifey on a cruise this year over the December holidays to escape the madness I might try something different.

I was thinking of a Goose.

People have been eating goose for a lot longer than turkeys. Sure, some Indian assholes were gnawing on turkey legs here in America for thousands of years, but since when do they count? In Europe the big deal was the Christmas Goose. Ebeneezer Scrooge didn't throw that kid in the street a shilling to go buy the biggest turkey he could find did he? Nope it was a goose he wanted, and a damn big one.

So, resolved, a goose it is.

The only problem is finding one. Try going into Publix and picking up a goose to cook. It's impossible. I have ordered 100 pound hogs from Publix before without them batting an eye. I have even bought Octopus meat for my brother's Christmas present one year there as well. But ask about a goose and they look at you like you have been eating feral cats or wanted to skin Bambi alive.

So I guess now it's going to be me, sitting in the front yard with a case of beer, a loaf of bread and a shotgun looking to bag one of those big Canadian honkers that shits all over my sidewalk. Hopefully the Jacksonville Sheriff's office won't get all bent out of shape over me and my AK-47 Shotgun with a 20 round clip in it blasting vermin out of my front yard while stewed to the gills.

After all, it's heritage not hatred.

I'll keep you posted…..

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